Adult Movies | Mr. Pink's Blog

The Kickstarting of Misty Beethoven

Now that the HD format wars are well and truly over – how about a hand for the victor, Blu-Ray – you might think it’d be a cinch to release the unquestionably classic and culturally significant adult films that, throughout history, have closed to gap between niche hardcore porn and sexually-oriented mainstream acceptance. One such title, The Opening of Misty Beethoven, a hardcore adaptation of George Bernard Shaw’s Pygmalion, is on the verge of seeing a High Definition home video release, but it needs your help!

Produced and directed by adult cinema icon, Radley Metzger, The Opening of Misty Beethoven was one of the handful of hardcore films that approached mainstream acceptance in the sexually adventurous ’70s and now, thanks to the efforts of New Jersey-based film preservation and restoration company, 435 productions, Misty Beethoven is very nearly ready for her HD debut. Over at Kickstarter, the crowd funding website used by everyone from acclaimed musicians wishing to be free of record company restrictions and guidelines to aspiring cinema auteurs to robotics engineers intent on bringing the future to 2012, 435 productions is now asking for donations to the tune of $10,000 to realize their Misty Beethoven Blu-Ray project. Already more than halfway to their goal and with just 18 days to go, the future of this preservation project is completely in the hands of the fans.

With pledge packages ranging from $10 to $3,000-plus, donators can be intimately involved in the production process and receive anything from a woodblock print of Anthony Palumbo’s stellar artwork that adorns the DVD release to a Blu-Ray, DVD, poster, and soundtrack package to a framed replica of an award presented to Misty Beethoven after the film’s release in 1976 and even a producer credit! There’s also four DVDs worth of “raw, unfiltered” Misty Beethoven outtakes that have never before seen the light of day, t-shirts, and, absurd as it seems, martini glasses etched with Metzger’s nom de cinema, Henri Paris!

While it’d be pretty damn neat to be able to serve your friends cocktails in Henri Paris glasses as they stare in awe at your vintage posters from the Distribpix archive, it’s even cooler to be partially responsible for preserving a landmark production in the history of adult cinema. Hey, if film preservation is important enough to give Marty Scorsese a hard-on, it’s important enough for you to pay a mere $10 to ensure this vital project reaches fruition.

Smurfing Around with Hustler

Of all notable pop culture properties, few are less overtly sexual than The Smurfs. The Muppets have that dominating vixen Miss Piggy and even the Teletubbies offered up some rather sexual imagery (those things on their heads sure seemed phallic and Twinky Winky was a noted gay icon), but the closest it seems The Smurfs ever came to promoting discussion of sexuality was that scene in Donnie Darko where Donnie’s friends suggest Smurfette, as the only notable female Smurf, serviced the entire village; hardly a reputable journal of psychological or sociological inquiry. There you have it, Smurfs aren’t a sexually motivated creation. This Ain’t the Smurfs XXX, however, is.

Another parody porn from the reigning king of the genre, director Axel Braun, this seemingly uncalled for hardcore romp through Smurfdom centers around the not at all blue pornstar, Nicole Aniston. Slaving away behind the reception desk at the Hustler offices, Nicole is startled by the sudden space-time-continuum-destroying arrival of three little blue people on her desk. It turns out Brainy Smurf (Jeremy Conway) rigged up a teleportation device and thrust himself, Papa Smurf (Jay Crew), and the delightful Smurfette (Lexi Belle) into the present day real world. Evan Stone, also plodding around the Hustler offices – so, no springing for elaborate sets or location shoots then, Braun? – presents Nicole with a challenge: if he finds the little blue critters, he’ll want them all to himself, forcing the busty blonde to distract him the only way she knows how. Fast-forward a touch and the Smurfs soon discover another of their kind (Charley Chase) and Hustler shutterbug Bill Diehl promptly shoots both Smurfettes in a lesbian scene that begins the show the superficial nature of their blue skin.

Soon enough, the bright blue penises arrive on the scene and the colorful makeup is really put to the test. Although it’s somewhat distracting to find yourself counting the globs of blue body paint falling off the performers as Papa and Brainy prove to Charley that they’re blue from head to toe, even beneath their tight white and red trousers. Lexi’s Smurfette isn’t denied a solid dicking, either, and the final sex scene pits her diminutive cobalt pussy against Gargamel’s (Barry Scott) impressive pink sword.

This Ain’t the Smurfs XXX is now available as a two-disc set (with bonus 3-D version and glasses included) in adult retail establishments everywhere. Those fully devoted to online video can see the bluest blue movie of all time at Hustler.

A Deeper, Darker Shade of Grey

Two weeks ago, I blogged about the latest literary sensation to cause shock waves throughout the entertainment world, Fifty Shades of Grey, and things have only become more interesting since then, especially in the adult industry. In the first of two major Fifty Shades porn-related tie-ins, Eldorado Trading Company and Pipedream Products have joined forces to offer readers and retail customers, offering a 30% discount to Eldorado’s successful Fetish Fantasy line of lingerie and sexual aids and allowing Fifty Shades fans a chance to indulge in some fan-fic role-play of their own. Eldorado is providing adult retailers with a plan for assembling the ultimate in kinky Fifty Shades of Grey in-store advertisements. So sayeth Briana Honz, Pipedream’s merchandiser, “The Fetish Fantasy line and its offshoot brands cover all the bases for fetish enthusiasts,” plying them with such naughty novelties as hand-cuffs, various varieties of rope, breathable ball gags, Love Masks, and the aforementioned lingerie line. Eldorado and Pipedream have done their part, now we’ll just have to see if retailers pick up on the offer and extend it to their customers.

In more explicit adult-related news, Smash Pictures has announced the casting of Allie Haze and Ryan Driller in their forthcoming parody film, 50 Shades Darker XXX, based on the second of the three Fifty Shades novels and directed by Jim Powers. With Haze’s recent departure from the Vivid Entertainment stable and Driller’s continued success in parody roles – his turn as Clark Kent/Superman in Axel Braun’s Superman XXX: A Porn Parody scored him an AVN Best Actor nomination this year – the pair were clearly the best choices for their respective roles, beating out all other hopefuls who turned up to Smash’s open audition just a few days ago.

Whether the Fifty Shades Darker parody will beat out the other adult effort, Adult Source Media’s already announced and as-yet-untitled hardcore parody of the first book of the best-selling trilogy, remains to be seen. So too, though, does the longevity of this recent pop-culture phenomenon. Flash-in-the-pan or a genuine advancement of BDSM culture? Does author EL James (no periods for this literary genius) have the legal right to halt production of porn movies parodying her best-seller, which in turn has its origins in copyright-infringing Twilight fan-fiction? You be the judge! (And jury and sexy, sexy executioner! Ooh!)

Le Petite Revenge

It looks like AMKingdom might just be the lucky adult entertainment company to come away with this seasons biggest smash as the company’s high profile release, Revenge of the Petites, has now sold out of its entire first printing. Overwhelmingly positive reviews have been flowing in from all corners of the industry since the title’s initial May 9 release. Revenge of the Petites, which stars Marie McCray, Skin Diamond, Vanessa Cage, and Celeste Star, has been called “An absolute must-see,” by AVN’s Peter Warren and “A charming, light-hearted feature with impressive production values,” by XBIZ’s Dan Miller. Now, as it goes back for a second printing to fulfill existing orders and fall into the laps of thus-far-deprived customers, praise just keeps piling on for AMKingdom’s big budget college-themed sexual extravaganza.

Revenge of the Petites sees director Harry Sparks and stars Marie McCray, Skin Diamond, and the rest of the girls taking on the tried and true tradition of American coming-of-age college comedies like Revenge of the Nerds, American Pie, and Animal House, but with a decidedly more provocative slant. But to what can AMKingdom attribute the release’s success? CraveOnline editor William Bibbiani points to director Sparks: “Sparks is a legitimately strong director who isn’t trying to make a mainstream film that happens to have sex with it, or an ‘adult’ film that happens to have a narrative. He incorporates both mindsets, thought by some to be inherently conflicting, in fairly equal measure and crafts in the process a genuine motion picture experience that’s both pleasurable and arousing. We have a long way to go before the worlds of conventional filmmaking and pornographic content are intertwined, but Revenge of the Petites is at the very least a step in the right direction.”

I’d suggest picking up your copy sooner rather than later unless you want to miss the Petites boat altogether. Who knows how long this printing will last.