Category: News

#RIPVinePorn

Amateur (and often self-shot) pornography abounds on Twitter, Reddit, Instagram, Tumblr, and pretty much any other online community of like-minded horndogs, but one service has decided to nix the homemade erotica for more family friendly values. Unfortunately, that service is also the one that brought us such delectable digital pleasures as a video Daisy Summers calls “Boobs Blunts and Bubbles”, Jessie Andrews joining Aiden Starr for a two-blonde blowjob (kinda), and Alina Li getting very, very comfortable with beer-drining bro on a sofa.

Boobs Blunts and Bubbles

Sucking Dick with Aiden Starr

Alina Li and friend

That’s right, fellas, Vine recently announced that it would no longer permit users to “post content that is pornographic or sexually explicit – even if it is of yourself or marked as sensitive,” effectively banning both pornstars and amateur exhibitionists from sharing their naked forms. It’s not a complete disaster, though. As history has well proven, repression of sexual expression simply forces the erotically inclined to move underground and to find other services. Curiously, Vine’s owner, Twitter, permits porn in abundance, as does Instagram (even if it claims otherwise), while Reddit is flush with dozens of sexy NSFW subforums where enthusiasts share their accumulated images and exhibitionists share their homemade porn without signing away their identity to some skeezy producer. Then there’s Pornstagram, a service that is basically Instagram for adults only. Isn’t that the beauty of living in the Information Age, though? As soon as one service or product disappears, three arise in its place. The Internet: it’s the hydra of porn!

Our Fading Erotic Heritage

Erotic Heritage Museum, Las Vegas

A number of years ago, during one of my numerous and brief jaunts to Sin City, one tall-standing sign caught my attention in a way that the others, overloaded with neon script and flashing lights, did not. “Las Vegas Erotic Heritage Museum,” it read, “SALE: Movies from $1.” As a devoted connoisseur of all things pornographic, I immediately pulled over, parked, and headed inside where I was not only met by a cavalcade of erotic memorabilia, ephemera, and, yes, discounted movies, but by a heavy-set woman (perhaps Mercedes Zavala) intent on showing me “the goods.” Hardly a come-on, thankfully, “the goods” were two shambolic boxes pulled from a rear store room and containing nothing but vintage 8mm and Super8 porn reels. Straight, gay, kink, and softcore – I bought all 40-odd titles for less than fifty bucks and headed back to California with the acquisition of an operating projector firmly planted in the front of my mind.

The reels I purchased, now running somewhat smoothly through a Goodwill-bought projector, provided the audio-visual entertainment for a handful of drunken late-night gatherings and were stored in a spare mini-fridge when not in use. (Why a refrigerator? See my recent blog about film restorers Vinegar Syndrome!) Although I eventually tossed the mini-fridge and sold the reels to a projectionist from San Francisco’s Castro Theatre, memories of my all-too-brief visit to the Erotic Heritage Museum lingered for years until I heard of the museum’s closing this week, apparently due to an unpaid rent dispute with landlord, Déjà Vu strip-club magnate Harry Mohoney who donated the land for museum use back in 2008. Speaking to the Las Vegas Weekly, Mohoney assured visitors that the museum would not be closing its doors for good, saying of his now-former tenants, “They have been asked to vacate the property so that the Erotic Heritage Museum can be given a fresh new look at erotic history and art.”

Museum operations manager Jerry Zientara, however, see things a bit differently, claiming the museum’s collection is under the stewardship of the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, the nonprofit organization that opened and has been operating the museum since its inception. “We don’t know when we’ll be loading things out,” he told Las Vegas Weekly earlier this month, “but we do expect to be doing that.” And, true to his word, a call for volunteers to help with removal of exhibits and cleaning of the space came out from the museum’s Facebook account on February 16, followed three days later but this very sad notice:

Erotic Heritage Museum closes in Las Vegas

Cheese Fucker prowls Mayfair, PA!!! Caught!! Released!

Swiss Cheese Pervert

Unless you’ve been sticking your dick in the holes found in a slice of Swiss cheese, going online to locate women who’ll watch your dairy-fed antics, and even approaching startled ladies in public in failed attempts to coax them into participating in your little pastime, I’d say your fetishes are probably under control, unlike the “Swiss-cheese Pervert” of Philadelphia’s Mayfair region.

Awareness of the alleged deviant’s activities gained ground after being posted on a Mayfair TownWatch Facebook page. Community outrage spread and more victims came forward claiming, much like Priscilla [surname redacted] who managed to snap a cell phone pic of the perp after he propositioned her, that the man intended to hire them to observe his rubbing his genitals with slices of Swiss cheese. Priscilla shared her photo of the suspect (and his cheese) with authorities and shortly after they arrested one Christopher Pagano of Norristown. Described by neighbors as “a weirdo” who “used to come outside in his underwear with no shirt,” 41-year-old Pagano was charged with stalking and harassment as well as open lewdness before being released on $30,000 bail.

To get to the bottom of all this depravity we must turn to that most revealing of adult social media sites, OkCupid, on which the lonely legions declare themselves and their various kinks and curiosities open for judgement. Contacting twenty-year-old (and curiously named) Gabby Chest of Bridesburg in 2012, Pagano is reported to have offered significant details of his sitophilia, the total of which can be viewed at PhillyMag and is best digested on an empty stomach. (Note: somewhat tellingingly, Pagano misspells “arrangement” as “arraignment”.)

 

Pix-and-Out for UK Cricketer

Professional athletes are always getting into trouble of a risque nature. In fact, 27 NFL players have been arrested since February’s Super Bowl XLVII for everything from DUI and carrying a concealed weapon to abuse and murder. While the athletes of Great Britain thankfully seem to be abstaining from the more reprehensible violent crimes, they’re hardly immune to behavioral slip-ups. One athlete in particular, Gareth Young of the Derbyshire County Cricket League, has just received an inordinately lengthy ban for what started as a rather stupid joke, but a joke nonetheless.

Young, who tweets as @Youngy10, allegedly posted an explicit image poking fun at League champions, Swarkestone, an image that saw him strung up before a disciplinary hearing. The result?

Not one to take his punishment for allegedly posting a photo of an erect penis lying down, “Youngy” took to Twitter to vent his frustration, gather support, and jump the “Keep Calm…” meme-wagon.

keep calm and pray for gareth

But instead of waiting out the duration of his punishment, Youngy decided the garden was where his future lay, not the pitch or the boudoir.

So, good luck on your future endeavors, Youngy, and may you keep on roaring and raging for free speech and juvenile, borderline-homophobic humor long into your retirement. Enjoy your gardening, but be careful, ’cause even a little backyard bat-and-ball action could have you in even deeper water.