Porn | Mr. Pink's Blog - Part 145

America’s Naughtiest Ice Bucket Challenge

Dumping a bucket of ice-cold water over your head might seem like an idiotic use of one’s time, but the thousands of celebrities, politicians, athletes, and everyday folks like you and I who’ve done exactly that in the name of raising awareness of Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS; aka ‘Lou Gehrig’s Disease’), a progressive neurodegenerative disease affecting the brain’s nerve cells and the spinal cord. Hey, raising awareness of an often fatal disease and promoting donations to ALS Association, a charity focused on ALS care, can only be a good thing, right? Not exactly, some critics say, citing severe global water shortages and the hazy instructions for the challenge – so, if I dump the bucket I don’t have to pay but if I don’t dump the bucket, I do? – though naysayers didn’t stop Naughty America jumping on the bandwagon.

“Social media is stressing me out!” complains Naughty Rich Girl Jillian Janson to her butler, Johnny Sins, before asking him to explain to her the whole Ice Bucket Challenge brouhaha. “There’s something about freezing to death that just doesn’t rub me the right way,” she says, “Can’t you just make this all go away?” Sins offers his services, to which Ms. Janson curiously responds in a most forward manner. “What, do I need to have sex with you to make you do something for me? Ok, well, whip it out!”

Clearly abusing her professional hold on him, Janson does indeed take Sins’s growing dick out his neatly pressed trousers, leading him into a couch-based coupling that ends with Sins depositing a little something inside Ms. Janson, soiling her body and dress in the process. Afterwards, she heads outside for some sun, only to be met by a bucket-wielding Sins who now says he, having just won the lottery, is quitting. He raises the jumbo red bucket high above the suntanning Ms. Janson before overturning it and drenching her (appropriately white-shirted) body with the icy water.

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Sure, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense and the dialog is particularly stilted and unrealistic, but at least Naughty America’s contribution to the #1 viral marketing hit of 2014, the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge is for a good cause. Isn’t it? Someone donated something, didn’t they?

Kayla Kayden Loves Boys

Appearing first as Lacy Spice in a Playboy pictorial and masturbating at Twistys before adopting the much pornier moniker Kayla Kayden and entertaining fans live via MyFreeCams, there’s a blonde Italian-American tearing up the hetero porn world of late and earning comparisons to the legendary Jenna Jameson. And, naturally for any big-breasted blonde with boundless enthusiasm for large dick, Kayla has made her B/G debut under the direction of the masters of bimbo-styled pornstar worship, Brazzers. More specifically, she steams up the screen at the (in this case) extremely appropriately titled Baby Got Boobs!

Brazzers’ newly adopted use of 60fps slow-motion footage might not be the best way to showcase such immoveable artificial boobage, making them look a little like cement orbs attached to a waving flag, but Kayla otherwise looks a treat, swanning around under the hot Californian sun and slathering her 32DD-25-34 frame with one of those unlabeled, possibly homemade bottles of lube before inviting Kieran Lee to apply his handiwork. Soaking up the rays poolside, the pair make the most of the opportunity – Kayla seems especially enthusiastic and is very vocal about it – and end with one of those half-in, half-out creampies that leave a very visible mess. Good thing the pool (which the housesitting Mr. Lee was instructed not to use) is warm and inviting and perfect for a swift cleanup.

Unlike those pornstars who’ve pledged themselves to Brazzers via long-term exclusive performance contracts, Kayla Kayden is keeping her options open and enjoying her newly hetero couplings, having already shot for Brazzers’ Big Tits at School with Jessy Jones, a Digital Playground Raw Cuts video with Ramon Nomar, and taking on Danny D for another as-yet-unnamed Brazzers site. Clearly, this stacked, sweet-voiced blonde is heading for porno superstardom, so why not get in on the ground floor and enjoy every moment of Kayla Kayden’s rise to the top?

Beatin’ on a Budget! with Porn Pros

Finding a killer online porn deal is like shooting lazy, overweight fish in a too-small barrel. There’s bargains everywhere you turn and ads a-plenty to alert you to their offerings, but Mr. Pink, always on the lookout for the best and boldest and most affordable adult entertainment, likes to clue his readers in to deals they might otherwise miss. This week, we’re taking a look at the 22-site network Porn Pros.

Porn Pros’ niche and kink-oriented websites focus on young harlots (Teen BFF, 18 Years Old), bondage-infused humiliation porn (Amateur Violations, Disgraced 18, MILF humiliation), the biggest tits ‘n’ boners in porn (Freaks of Boobs, Freaks of Cock), dark-skinned babes (40oz Bounce, Pimp Parade), adventurous oral sex and massive facials (Deep Throat Love, Cumshot Surprise, LOL Cumshot, Cum Disgrace), female ejaculation (Squirt Disgrace), continental hotties (Euro Humpers), sexy yoga devotees (Flexible Positions), inter-generational sex (Jurassic Cock), hardcore lesbian couplings (Cruelty Party), “homemade” sex tapes (Real Ex Girlfriends), sensual rubdowns (Massage Creep), and even a game show built around a giant penis (Cock Competition). While hardly the most realistic porn network on the ‘net, Porn Pros adds significant spice to otherwise tired concepts and features the work of such dynamite ladies as Anissa Kate, Dani Daniels, Anikka Albrite, Tasha Reign, and Holly Michaels, who appears in an incredible 59 scenes!

Although some Porn Pros sites are no longer updating, leaving Teen BFF, Massage Creep, Real Ex Girlfriends, and 18 Years Old to deliver the bulk of the network’s new material, there’s more than enough highly varied content here to keep any porn fanatic busy for six months or more, and, at $17.95-a-month, Mr. Pink’s current Porn Pros deal is too good to pass up. Don’t believe me? Maybe you’ll believe…

THE MATH:
Porn Pros’ 22 sites hold a collective 2,825 scenes, averaging 128 scenes-per-site and giving each scene an approximate cost of only .64¢, and puts each site at just 81¢-per-month. With a month at Porn Pros now available for a measly $17.95 and updates hitting the homepage about 20 times each each month, even those members watching only the newest content get a great deal: roughly 89¢-per-new-scene. Although it’s not exactly the perfect porn network, Porn Pros is absolutely essential viewing for any porn fan worth his (or her) salt.

Win Yourself an AVN Experience to Remember!

So you think you’ve got what it takes to shoot the shit with porn’s most dazzling personalities while maintaining an entertaining and professional manner? And you think you’ll be able to withstand the glitz and glamor of the 2015 AVN Awards, focusing on the task at hand even if that task is interviewing performers, directors, producers, and presenters? Well, my friend, you’ll now have your shot – or, you’ll have your shot at getting your shot, at least – thanks to the good folks at Adult DVD Empire.

Offering one porn fan the chance to be their official AVN correspondent this coming January at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, Adult DVD Empire is asking wannabe porn reporters to shoot a brief YouTube video that proves to judges why you’re a worthy recipient of such a distinguished honor. Oh, and Bonnie Rotten tells you the basics of the competition in a cheap, fast, and flashy video (seen below). The winner, and there can be only one, will receive airfare from anywhere in the continental United States to Las Vegas and hotel accommodation for three nights so you can take in every moment of the Adult Entertainment Expo and the AVN Awards, both which you’ll naturally also win passes to. You’ll probably get a lanyard, too. (People still think lanyards are awesome, right?)

If you’re so inclined, dear reader, I’d suggest boning up on your comedic timing and witty repartee, and perhaps throwing some slickness into your video presentation, ’cause there’s bound to be plenty of self-described awesomely funny folks who’ll do almost anything to meet and greet pornstar babes galore, giving you some stiff competition. How are you going to stand out? What will you do to be granted use of a camera, microphone, and laminated access pass that no other porno superfan would even consider, let alone commit to? Now, all you up-and-coming Dave Attells and Lisa Lampinellis of the world, get shootin’!