Brazzers Wants Your Gift Cards

Brazzers

There it was emblazoned across the bottom of a picture of Keisha Grey’s bountiful ass on the homepage at Brazzers HQ: “Trade Unused Gift Cards for Membership.” My jaw dropped. Could Brazzers really be telling me there’s a use for all those Starbucks and Target and Best Buy and (ugh) Marshalls gift cards my family members indifferently toss at me come Christmastime? Considering the ZZ sign-up process now includes the option to pay in the virtual currencies issued by everyone from Adidas and Aeropostale to Urban Outfitters, Victoria’s Secret, and even Wal-Mart and palmed off as thoughtless presents by pretty much everyone, I’d say that’s affirmative, wouldn’t you?

Brazzers opened this new avenue of payment in early January and has been Tweetin’ the news to its ten gazillion followers thusly:

When it comes to alternative methods of payment, the ZZ has some competition, though, as Naughty America recently announced that it would be accepting new members paying with bank checks and the controversial decentralized crypto-currency Bitcoin. With Bitcoin thrust under the nose of the CIA, the FBI, the DEA, the ATF (all the acronyms, really) due to deep-web markets like Silk Road, perhaps that seemingly useless stack of gift cards is indeed the wisest path of alternative porn-site payment. Brazzers assures its members the whole process will be painless and, aside from not getting the exact monetary value of the gift card in question, you’ll probably find it so. If you’ve got a $25 Starbucks card laying around, that’ll get you 16 days of access; a $200 Best Buy gift card earns you an insane 608 days of access!

And, bless ’em, the Brazzers team has made the whole transaction anonymous so you’ll never have to ‘fess up and admit to your dear old mother that the Williams-Sonoma gift card she gleefully presented you and your then-girlfriend with all those months ago didn’t make it anywhere near a Williams-Sonoma store and instead was used to ensure you wouldn’t have to miss Madison Ivy’s hotly anticipated, much ballyhooed upcoming anal debut right here at Brazzers. Whew.

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AVN 2014: The Winners – The Women

2014 AVN Awards

Yeah, yeah. Nice work gents and congrats to all the movies that took home trophies at last month’s 31st annual AVN Awards in Las Vegas, but it’s the ladies we really discuss! The queens of cock-wrangling. The most lusted-after women in America. LA’s legal hookers and sex maniacs. However they’re regarded by the public at large, the most acclaimed women in US porn are the primary focus of the glitzy Las Vegas awards ceremony. And, with 2013 well and truly in the can, it’s clear who the year’s biggest winners are.

Bonnie Rotten

Taking home the most coveted award of the evening, Female Performer of the Year, raven-haired leather-punk princess and former AVN Award Trophy Girl, Bonnie Rotten (whose feature The Gangbang of Bonnie Rotten also took home Best Group Sex Scene) left behind the other trophies for which she was nominated (nine others including Best Anal, POV, Oral, Girl-Girl and Safe Sex Scenes) and instantly became porn’s baddest* (and most talked-about) female.

Also bringing in prominent and highly coveted awards were Best New Starlet Mia Malkova, Best Supporting Actress Brandy Aniston, Best Actress Remy LaCroix (The Temptation of Eve), and, taking home The Fan Award for Hottest Ass, Alexis Texas(s). April Flores was chosen BWW Performer of the Year, Shyla Jennings All-Girl Performer of the Year, Anissa Kate Female Foreign Performer of the Year, India Summer the MILF Performer of the Year, and the Unsung Female Performer of the Year was littleknown Presley Hart.

There were, of course, many other women applauded for their awarded work, but they’ll have to wait for another blog, one in which you, dear reader, will receive the full lowdown on what made the year’s best scenes the year’s best scenes and exactly what the ladies in discussion did to deserve a statue just like Bonnie’s on their very own mantle. Trust me, it’s pretty fucking noteworthy!

Perhaps the least visible but most relieved winner of the year, however, Melissa Makeup overcame a major setback when photos she snapped of pornstars without their stage faces on became a viral wtf-fest that caused many a rage-Tweeting pornstar; she was awarded the Best Makeup trophy for her work on Burning Angel’s Evil Head and continues to be employable.

Congratulations, ladies, and may your 2014s be as vibrant and successful as your 2013s.

* Not bad meaning bad, but bad meaning good, you know?

AVN 2014: The Winners – The Scenes

2014 AVN Awards We’ve got the guys and girls, the newly elected brightest stars in porn, well and truly covered here at Mr. Pink’s. So now let’s take a moment to take a closer look at what led the winners to the Hard Rock stage in Las Vegas this January. The movies, their directors and producers and gaffers and grips, and obviously the performers are all worthy of praise, of course, but it’s the scenes themselves, the sex itself, that is most worthy of our post-award ceremony attention – and what a smorgasbord of incredible sex we were treated to throughout the months of 2013.

Riley Reid and MandingoArguably the most prized of all scene-related trophies, Best Boy/Girl Sex Scene was awarded to Riley Reid and Mandingo in the latter’s Mandingo Massacre 6, while Best Girl/Girl Sex Scene went to Remy LaCroix and (once again) Riley Reid for Girl Fever. Group activity remained a highly contested arena but saw Bonnie Rotten and four of porn’s most vital men take home Best Group Sex Scene for their work in The Gang Bang of Bonnie Rotten, while the Best All-Girl Group Sex Scene trophies went home with Gracie Glam, Raven Rockette, and Mia Malkova for their feline-inspired turn in Jenna Haze’s Meow! 3.

In her first anal scene for Hard X’s Anikka, the blonde Ms. Albrite took on her real-life partner Mick Blue and expanded her career prospects and audience in the process. Winner of Best Oral Sex Scene, Skin Diamond, also took home the award for Best Double Penetration Sex Scene also from her self-titled Elegant Angel feature, taking both Marco Banderas and Prince Yahshua simultaneously. Remy LaCroix didn’t stop at Girl/Girl and was also awarded a trophy for her three-way with Manuel Ferrara and this year’s AVN mainstay Riley Reid in a scorching scene from Remy 2. Best Solo Sex Scene went to Maddy O’Reilly for her turn as sexually frustrated Kansas farm girl Dorothy Gale in Not the Wizard of Oz XXX and, after being appointed one of Jules Jordan’s Ultimate Fuck Toys, sweet-faced newcomer Kennedy Leigh shone in the year’s Best POV Sex Scene in her self-titled installment of the same series, ably assisted (and seduced, and penetrated, and decorated) by Jordan himself in one of his best recent efforts.

Apparently one of the new categories for 2014, Best Safe Sex Scene was awarded to husband and wife pair, Brad Armstrong and Jessica Drake for their condom-clad humping in Wicked Pictures’ Sexpionage: The Drake Chronicles, but, as is usually the case with the pornographic arts, that scene was nowhere near as memorable or mind-blowing as one on the opposite end of the spectrum. Ever the forward-looking entrepreneurs, Kelly and Ryan Madison joined with one of porn’s most debauched women, Chanel Preston, for 2013’s Most Outrageous Sex Scene. Matched with a hard-fucking, multiple-load-shooting machine in Ryan, the glamorously gussied-up Chanel sweats, gasps, cries, whimpers, and quivers through one hell of a rough scene in the Madisons’ cinematic feature Get My Belt.

If that doesn’t give you enough stellar smut to last until next year (with repeat viewings, naturally), then mister, I just don’t know what to do for ya.

AVN 2014: The Winners – The Men

2014 AVN Awards

While it’s usually the women standing at the podium holding a glistening phallus that get the most attention at every annual AVN Awards, the men of porn are equally congratulated on their work in and out of the hottest pussy on the planet (if you can call that work). And it wasn’t just performers who got hailed as the year’s best at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas this Saturday past, those behind the camera got their fair share of attention, too.

Continuing a string of unprecedented success stories, Axel Braun nabbed his fourth consecutive Director of the Year award while his films Man of Steel XXX: An Axel Braun Parody and Iron Man XXX: An Axel Braun took home another two trophies and proved that all of the accolades might have finally gone to Herr Direktor’s head. The closest any other director or producer came to equaling Braun’s 2013 successes wasn’t very close at all, but you’ve still got to hand it to Manuel Ferrara: he not only shot an insanely wild reverse gangbang in late fall, he polished off the season as the man behind the winners of AVN’s Best All-Sex Release (Slutty & Sluttier 18), Best Anal Series (Evil Anal), and Best Continuing Series (Slutty & Sluttier). That, of course, is in addition to his fifth Male Performer of the Year trophy.

The other stud who no doubt left Vegas more professionally gratified than ever before was Best Actor Tommy Pistol. Having taken roles in everything from Thor XXX: An Axel Braun Parody to Combat Zone’s Vagina Worship to 3rd Degree’s Young Thighs in Knee Highs, Pistol spent much of his eighth year in porn assisting in the productions of others. With Band Sluts, though, he was handed a role tailor-made for his comedic and physical talents by his director and leading lady, Joanna Angel. The Burning Angel feature sees the two gag-happiest people in porn embark on a road trip in search of “fame, fortune, and fucking,” capturing every dismal artistic failure and boner-fied sexual conquest in a hilarious rock ‘n’ roll epic. Fuck Fellini and 81/2 and The Rutles and Zelig and all that shit! Band Sluts is the only mockumentary worth watching sans pants!