Porn | Mr. Pink's Blog - Part 166

The Funding of Vanessa Del Rio

Back in June of 2012, Mr. Pink’s reported that Radley Metzger’s 1975 landmark adult masterpiece, The Opening of Misty Beethoven was seeking crowd funding for a Blu-Ray release through Kickstarter. After raising almost the entirety of its $10,000 goal, Kickstarter suspended the project and left 435 Productions seeking an alternative crowd-funding avenue. Cut to February 2013 and reviews are starting to appear praising the completed Blu-Ray, with Twitch calling it “a remarkable release” and the film “an incredible document of a time when the future of cinema was still being formed”.

Now, another legendary (naked) woman of the screen might finally be getting her due… if the donations keep coming in, that is. With a projected budget of $300,000 and less than $10,000 raised so far, a proposed biographical feature film based on the life and work of Vanessa Del Rio hopes to depict and define a central figure of porn’s Golden Age, a woman who bridged the porn world and the mainstream entertainment industry with later TV roles (NYPD Blue, for one) and earned herself a spot in AVN’s illustrious Hall of Fame.

Using crowd-funding website IndieGoGo, director Thomas Mignone, the man responsible for 2007 feature On the Doll and music videos for Morbid Angel, Mudvayne, Soulfly, Slipknot, System of a Down, and Sepultura, hopes to raise the funds required to bring his take on Del Rio’s life to the big (or at least small) screen soon. With rewards ranging from digital downloads and DVD/Blu-Ray copies of the finished film to a visit to the film set and an associate producer credit – the latter what David Mamet calls “what you give to your secretary instead of a raise” – all donations tie contributors to the film and perhaps even to an indelible part of pornographic history.

Host a Pornstar in Your Man-Cave

While I don’t have enough excess room in my abode to create my own personal man-cave, I’m sure plenty of you reading this not only have the room, but have the inclination, the wherewithal, and the desire to carve yourself a homey little hovel filled with trinkets and memorabilia, perhaps a pool table, a few lava lamps, and a makeshift bar with ample liquor in constant stock. Go ahead, bro, knock yourself out with the most badass man-cave you can imagine, but it still won’t be complete without one very special item: a fucking pornstar wall decal!

The company, AdultDecalz (the “#1 selling adult decal”!), is now adorning men’s walls with saucy yet refined images of their favorite adult models and performers. AdultDecalz moves into exciting new territory, striking deals with three of porn’s most esteemed studios, Digital Playground, Naughty America, and Evil Angel, with others reportedly to come. Fancy gussying up your den, pool room, or other such hideout with the likes of Madison Ivy, Jessie Jane, Kayden Kross, Selena Rose, Lisa Ann, Esperanza Gomez, and Asa Akira? Well, short of kidnapping the real thing and imprisoning your chosen starlet in some kind of wall-mounted bondage rack*, this is as close as you’re gonna get. Imagine lining up a YouTube-inspired, heavily rehearsed trick shot and challenging your buddy with the same – there’s no way he’ll be able to compete with Kayden Kross’s ass staring him down. You pot everything else, then the black, and win. He goes home. You stare at your killer pornstar decal in privatorum, you dig?

*Mr. Pink’s cannot and does not condone or encourage this course of action, no matter how appealing it may seem on paper.

PornHub Denied Super Bowl Ad Spot

Try as they might to gain mainstream acceptance, many adult industry entities find themselves blocked at every turn, including, not surprisingly, the most-watched television event of the year: Super Bowl XLVII.

Ok, so it might be hard to believe any porn company, website or otherwise, would manage to have a commercial aired on national television under any circumstances, let alone during the Super Bowl, but PornHub insisted on trying, only to find their submission rejected by CBS. If you’ve seen the relatively harmless ad, you might wonder “But why? It’s just a fully-clothed elderly couple sitting on a bench gazing lovingly at each other over a gentle piano score. What’s wrong with that?” The reason given by CBS is as follows: “CBS Television Network Standards do not permit advertising related to pornography. Therefore, we cannot accept your submission.” Sounds simple and clear enough, doesn’t it? Could it be, though, that PornHub knew they’d be rejected regardless of the actual content of their submission and cobbled together as inoffensive an ad as possible just to point out how prudish network television advertising really is? The cynic in me say “No shit, Sherlock,” while the other Mr. Pink, the valiant warrior fighting for justice and equality for porn, its purveyors, its performers, and its patrons… well, he also agrees.

If you care to, you can vote on whether or not you find the commercial, which has been removed from public availability by YouTube, worthy of Super Bowl airtime. Not surprisingly, most folks are voting in support of the spot. Where do you stand on this vitally important issue facing America today?

Just Because They Suck You… Doesn’t Mean They Like You!

It’s not inconceivable that even before the rise of parody porn, wannabe Hollywood auteur Kevin Smith hoped and dreamed that his debut feature film, Clerks, would strike such a chord with contemporary society that it’d eventually be turned into something even more pornographic than his dialogue. Now, almost twenty years after Clerks’ 1994 release, a Clerks porn parody is available from Vivid Entertainment.

Providing the Clerks slackers with far more sexual opportunities than the original film, Clerks XXX: A Porn Parody sees Allie Haze and Lexi Swallow fill the presumably loosely-tied boots of Dante and Randall as Dana and Randi, who spend their workday embroiled in all sorts of lewd and lascivious (and presumably humorous) situations. Joining Haze and Swallow are Chastity Lynn as Jane and Kelly Devine as Silent Bertha, the gender-bending XXX versions of Jay and Silent Bob. Other performers include Jayden Lee, Seth Gamble, Brian Street Team, and Evan Stone as the most obnoxious series of customers imaginable – yes, every one.

Clerks XXX is now available for viewing at Vivid’s online HQ, but those who want the full “rise of the indies” experience should pick up the DVD release, which includes a non-hardcore black-and-white version. Although with presumably better dialog recordings than Smith’s original. Oh, and Smith has been unusually silent about this highly explicit tribute, perhaps too immersed in his adored and officially endorsed Fleshlight to pay it much mind.