Porn - Mr. Pink's Blog - Page 165

Fuckin’ Like a Rock Star with Life Selector – Pt. 2

“Rock chicks like it rough, don’t they?” With that and my desire to entertain thousands at the biggest stadiums in the country in mind, I chose to pull the hair of my very first groupie mid-blowjob. The young lady doing the blowing, the one I previously identified as Simony Diamond, is in fact someone else entirely. (Life Selector isn’t as clear as it should be when identifying its models.) Whoever she is, her accent is trés sexy, her fashion sense is somewhere between Avril Lavigne and Jenna Haze in groupie mode, and she seemed to respond well to my virtual hair-pulling; so well that she’s decided something else is in order. Now, do I want a handjob (nah), to explode on her face (maybe) or fill her mouth with my seed (perhaps). For visual flair, I’ll choose a facial. And with that, dear reader, I blast my nameless first groupie from brow to chin, huffing and puffing as I make my deposit. She seems satisfied enough, but I’ve still got rock star dreams to fulfill. Which brings me to (the real) Simony Diamond.

Reclining on a sofa, tattoos on full display, iPhone (in KISS case) in her hand, texting, band manager Simony Diamond looks up to greet me.
“Hi, I’ve heard about you,” she says in a thick Hungarian accent and pointing to a purple Gibson Les Paul, she asks to be shown some of my skills. From the way she continues texting and occasionally rolling her eyes, I can tell she’s not an fan of poorly composed, inauthentic sounding midi-guitar. Another choice appears: Do I show her my “finger technique” or impress her with “my other great skill” (a.k.a.: my dick!)?

This being the virtual fulfillment of my destiny, I pull my dick out and expect her to leap on it. After all, it’s a pretty hefty thing and she doesn’t seem that enthralled in her heavy metal magazine. With my cock out and erect, I sit there on the sofa before the incredible Simony Diamond. She bolts upright! “Hey, go out, motherfucker!” she yells, pointing towards the door. “Shit! Go out!”

I blew it, folks, but thanks to Life Selector’s resumable, amendable storylines, I can simply jump back to the beginning, follow the same path as before and simply pick an alternate option at the moment of crisis.

Join me next week as I endeavor to not only nail that contract but Ms. Diamond, too.

Kimberly Kane is Wonder Woman

The early 21st century wave of pornographic parody movies, the one we’re currently wading in the oh-so-pleasant waters of, has already seen two attempts to immortalize DC Comics’ iconic warrior princess, Princess Diana of Themyscria. The first, Wonder Woman XXX: A Hardcore Parody arrived in 2010 from Mile High saw Tori Black don the red, white, blue, and gold armor of trendy mod boutique proprietor Diana Prince’s alter-ego, while it was Chanel Preston who wielded the Lasso of Truth in director Rob Black’s Wonder Woman Interactive: A XXX Adventure Game Parody. Of these two valiant parody efforts, fanboys still seemed to feel that Diana’s time hadn’t yet come, parody-wise, but that’s all set to change with the meeting of this Princess and parody porn’s reigning king.

Axel Braun, the director responsible for porn’s biggest parodies movies and the winner of an astonishing ten AVNs including three Director of the Year awards in three years, knew he’d have a tough job finding exactly the right person for his Wonder Woman but after auditioning more than a dozen actresses and seeing many excellent interpretations, Kimberly Kane stood head and shoulders above the rest.

Kane, who stands 5’9″ tall, 134 lbs, 36B-26-35, seems an appropriate physical fit for the Amazonian warrior princess. who’ll be a more adult rendering in Braun’s film. “What [Kane] brings to the character is the image of a strong, independent woman,” Braun said. “The movie deals with the Wonder Woman story in a much darker, more adult way. She’s not going to be the goody-two-shoes that she was in the ’70s. She’s a woman, she kicks ass. And Kim can definitely kick serious ass.”

With three weeks of intensive physical training bringing her to tip-top, fighting-fit shape, Kane, who previously worked with the director on Star Wars XXX, This Ain’t the Expendables XXX, and Batman XXX porn parodies, seems more than ready for the role, telling AVN “It feels good to be trusted with another of his mega roles.”

To see just how well she’ll do as the famed Wonder Woman, we’ll have to wait a while. Until then, though, Kane promises to keep enthusiasm high, even amidst the potential embarrassment of her promised onslaught of TwitPics showing her previous, more youthful, no doubt adorably awkward attempts at slipping into those white-starred underpants, telling “I was Wonder Woman for Halloween for like 10 years… so I can’t wait to share those pics on Twitter!”

Axel Braun’s as-yet untitled Wonder Woman parody went into production this week.

Larry Flynt Sells HQ

The original master Hustler himself, Mr. Larry Flynt, has sold the legendary Wilshire Blvd. tower that has served as Larry Flynt Publications’ headquarters since its purchase in 1984 for $18.8 million. The new owner, Santa Monica-based Douglas Emmett Inc. paid $82 million, which Flynt says he’ll be putting towards “buying another casino”. The stately building, designed in 1972 by William Pereira, also currently houses the Brazilian consulate and numerous law offices and even features a sculpture of John Wayne on the grounds. So why would Flynt want to sell? Expansion, of course.

Built in 1972 to house Great Western Savings, for whom John Wayne was spokesman, the LFP building (as it has long been known) became Hustler’s headquarters and Flynt’s office, creative counsel, living space, hospice, and war room during his infamous battles with the Jerry Falwell in the United States Supreme Court, an assassination attempt, the death of his wife Althea, recovery from drug addiction, and resurgence in the adult entertainment world. So this can’t have been a decision made lightly. Although the new owner will take possession of the property by the end of summer, Larry Flynt Publications will be staying put as a leasing tenant, at least for the time being.

My Racy New Life with Life Selector Pt. 1

I love my job, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes it seems like every site that comes under review is essentially the same as the one before it. Does it have HD videos and high-res pics? Does it allow streaming and downloading? Is there anything that’ll cause viewers to pitch a fit of righteous indignation? Then something comes along that changes everything. The kind of site we’ve been dreaming of here at Mr. Pink’s has finally arrived and it bears the name Life Selector.

As you may have already seen in our recently published first review of Life Selector, the site is essentially a Choose Your Own Adventure-style virtual world in which you can play any number of roles, each one taking you on a different path that ultimately (you hope) lands you in the lap and loins of some devastatingly lusty woman, the likes of which you’d never have a shot at in real life. The 124 episodes currently online range in theme from simple stripteases and bedroom romps to lascivious outdoor exhibitionist fantasies that see you meeting, charming, fucking, and pasting a stunning babe in all of 45 minutes. And all this because you’re a virtual business exec who makes all the right decisions on your path to poon heaven.

As I embark on this, my first real, length venture into the world of Life Selector, I decided to choose an episode that echoed the fantasies that’ve been plaguing my mind for decades: A Rock Star is Born. According to the episode’s preamble, if I guide the decisions correctly I could not only go from fledgling amp-destroyer to full-blown rock god and take my band along with me, I could slip my rhythm stick between the thighs of, well… whoever these girls are.

After arriving late (’cause that’s what cool people do), I found my bandmates already bored of the possibilities presented by six strings and ample wattage; they were dumping quarters into a slot machine and drinking beer. Arriving shortly after me, though, was this woman, Simony Diamond, who insisted on blowing me in thanks for the totally wicked riffage I just blasted her face with. But now I’m presented with more options: slap her face, pull her hair, or have her “lick the balls” – what to do?

Without treading carefully, this all could go haywire. After all, how many killer bands were destroyed by dicking around? If I cock-slap this groupie and she turns out to be a bandmate’s go-to, I could be looking for a new stage on which to erect my Marshall stack.

Stay tuned as I vainly attempt to rekindle the hard-rockin’ times of my youth with Life Selector. Folks, this could get trashy!