Missy Pink,
My boyfriend and I began seeing each other as a couple about 18 months ago, but, we’ve been friends for over 4 years. I’ve always known he considers himself to be bi-sexual. He’s never acted upon it, but has always said it’s just something he feels. Our sex life is okay, not frequent, but it does happen, however he can’t cum unless I’m performing oral sex on him, and I always feel neglected sexually. I truly care about him and I know he feels the same, but needs aren’t being met and I don’t know how fair that is in a relationship.
Needing More
Dear Friend;
First of all, allow me to say, congratulations to your boyfriend for being honest up front, and, a pat on the back to you for venturing into a relationship with him knowing that you may not hold his full, sexual attention.
It sounds to me like the most treasured aspect of what you both share, is your friendship. He has a lot of thoughts and emotions going on and he trusts you, that’s a precious commodity to have in life.
With that being said, there are some decisions to be made. I’m sure neither of you want to lose the close trust and comfort of being the go-to person in this crazy thing called life. But, you need to ask yourself if periodic sex is enough for you, especially when oral sex is what he desires and there’s not much attention paid to you, in the physical sense. He’s been more than upfront about everything from the beginning, so, to expect more, or to think you can change him, that’s not being reasonable on your part.
You cannot force someone to be something they’re not, and, if you consider how hard it is to change something about yourself…now imagine how difficult it is to change someone else.
It sounds as if the two of you have a bond in friendship that is worth treasuring, and, remaining in a relationship where hopes are high but the fulfillment is low, it will begin to alter the closeness between the two of you. Maybe it’s time he takes the steps called for in experiencing romance with another man, only then will he truly understand himself better, hence, being able to understand his relationship with you better as well.
As much as you may not want to hear this, encourage him to be who he is, and if that’s bisexual, or gay, love him still for the wonderful person he is. He’s still the same person you’ve built a cherished friendship with, and closeness is felt in a hundred different ways, not just with intercourse.