Mr. Pink's Blog

Octo-Porn Has Arrived!

Hey, remember that maternal train wreck the tabloid media dubbed “Octomom”? And remember the rumors that flew around suggesting she’d be taking to fucking on camera to keep her flock of 14 fed, clothed, and housed? Well, the rumors finally came true, with Wicked contract director Brad Armstrong helming her maiden venture into what could be the career that saves her from losing her La Habra residence after she filed last month for personal bankruptcy. That’s right, folks, the single mom who found worldwide notoriety for squirting out eight rugrats in one sitting is now a genuine adult performer.

While exact details of Suleman’s shoot are still largely under wraps, a few tidbits have leaked and are now being thrashed around the Internet, possibly as a respite from all the cannibalism stories that’ve been popping up of late. When her scene, which is masturbation-only, comes out, the curious can expect to see Suleman covered in, of all things, SpaghettiOs. Yup, SpaghettiOs. (No, I don’t know what the fuck is up with that particular prop either.)

Of her first experience pleasuring herself in front of a camera, crew, and eventually a home-viewing audience, Suleman said she owed a lot to Jessica Drake. “She opened my eyes to a whole different world of self-pleasure that I could never have imagined.” While the company releasing the movie still hasn’t been identified, Suleman seems quite happy with their professionalism, saying “I don’t think I could have asked for a better crew to work with. They were so patient and willing to teach me.” Clearly given a substantial confidence boost, she told Huffington Post “reporter” Naughty But Nice Rob “They made me look so glamorous, and for the first time in my life, I felt beautiful and sexy. I’m very excited for it to come out!”

Yeah, that’s what she said about the octuplets, too.

A Week of Crimson

Whether you’re a devoted student of The Art of Blowjob or not, anyone into fellatio porn – so everyone, right? – knows who Camille Crimson is and knows that she gives mind-blowing oral pleasure to her beau, Mike, on the aforementioned website. What you might not know about this flame-haired beauty is that last week she took the reigns at Fleshbot. While you may have missed some horny happenings, the seemingly permanent nature of everything the Internet produces means everything the flaming redhead brought to Fleshbot during Camille Crimson Week is now archived for your tardy viewing.

Fleshbot (a hugely popular adult blog for those not in the know) granted Ms. Crimson editorial privileges and tasked her with writing a slate of columns geared towards giving Fleshbot readers exclusive insights into her incredibly fertile sexual mind. Camille herself phrased it quite concisely in her open address: “I hope you’ll all stick with me this week so I can share my take on porn and share a bit of what I find engaging, inspiring and, most of all, incredibly hot.” Camille went on to share some of her favorite porn such as an Hitachi-aided hardcore scene and squirting compilation from Pornographic Love, erotic fiction from Guy New York and Daisy Danger, photographer/writer/model/K-Pop enthusiast Katie West, and, of course, some of her own work.

Not limiting herself to merely peddling her favorite porn, Camille also shared her views on some far tougher subjects. In ‘The Feminism of Giving Blowjobs’ she says “By continuing to create and [sic] open dialogue about the many different ways of experiencing pleasure, I am trying to validate any consensual way that anyone finds joy, which is especially important in women’s sexuality.” Writing about her attitude to mainstream porn she criticizes it for its apparent lack of aesthetic beauty, saying “the performers look fine, but it’s never done with beauty in mind.” The undeniably skilled queen of the sensual blowjob also gave some lessons on giving and receiving penile oral pleasure, instructing guys to keep themselves clean and healthy for their ladies who, in turn, have to awaken their passion and creativity, and open lines of communication with their partner.

Before she shuffled back off to her day job – a steady supply of content for the fantastic (and Mr. Pink approved) The Art of Blowjob – Camille had just enough time to answer some questions from readers and fans, and to give away free memberships to both of her sites (Dolorem being the second) as well as to Pornographic Love, one of her favorites. So, odds are that you didn’t win one of Camille’s prizes and probably didn’t even have your question answered – yo, that’s me! – but you can always go back and relive the incredible wealth of pleasure pointers and teasing tidbits Camille impressed upon her Fleshbot audience thanks to the miracle of modern technology. Kinda makes the fact that nobody raises their eyes above iPhone-level in public anymore, well, not so likely to turn you into a luddite Hulk with a rage-on… if you know what I mean.

Smurfing Around with Hustler

Of all notable pop culture properties, few are less overtly sexual than The Smurfs. The Muppets have that dominating vixen Miss Piggy and even the Teletubbies offered up some rather sexual imagery (those things on their heads sure seemed phallic and Twinky Winky was a noted gay icon), but the closest it seems The Smurfs ever came to promoting discussion of sexuality was that scene in Donnie Darko where Donnie’s friends suggest Smurfette, as the only notable female Smurf, serviced the entire village; hardly a reputable journal of psychological or sociological inquiry. There you have it, Smurfs aren’t a sexually motivated creation. This Ain’t the Smurfs XXX, however, is.

Another parody porn from the reigning king of the genre, director Axel Braun, this seemingly uncalled for hardcore romp through Smurfdom centers around the not at all blue pornstar, Nicole Aniston. Slaving away behind the reception desk at the Hustler offices, Nicole is startled by the sudden space-time-continuum-destroying arrival of three little blue people on her desk. It turns out Brainy Smurf (Jeremy Conway) rigged up a teleportation device and thrust himself, Papa Smurf (Jay Crew), and the delightful Smurfette (Lexi Belle) into the present day real world. Evan Stone, also plodding around the Hustler offices – so, no springing for elaborate sets or location shoots then, Braun? – presents Nicole with a challenge: if he finds the little blue critters, he’ll want them all to himself, forcing the busty blonde to distract him the only way she knows how. Fast-forward a touch and the Smurfs soon discover another of their kind (Charley Chase) and Hustler shutterbug Bill Diehl promptly shoots both Smurfettes in a lesbian scene that begins the show the superficial nature of their blue skin.

Soon enough, the bright blue penises arrive on the scene and the colorful makeup is really put to the test. Although it’s somewhat distracting to find yourself counting the globs of blue body paint falling off the performers as Papa and Brainy prove to Charley that they’re blue from head to toe, even beneath their tight white and red trousers. Lexi’s Smurfette isn’t denied a solid dicking, either, and the final sex scene pits her diminutive cobalt pussy against Gargamel’s (Barry Scott) impressive pink sword.

This Ain’t the Smurfs XXX is now available as a two-disc set (with bonus 3-D version and glasses included) in adult retail establishments everywhere. Those fully devoted to online video can see the bluest blue movie of all time at Hustler.

A Deeper, Darker Shade of Grey

Two weeks ago, I blogged about the latest literary sensation to cause shock waves throughout the entertainment world, Fifty Shades of Grey, and things have only become more interesting since then, especially in the adult industry. In the first of two major Fifty Shades porn-related tie-ins, Eldorado Trading Company and Pipedream Products have joined forces to offer readers and retail customers, offering a 30% discount to Eldorado’s successful Fetish Fantasy line of lingerie and sexual aids and allowing Fifty Shades fans a chance to indulge in some fan-fic role-play of their own. Eldorado is providing adult retailers with a plan for assembling the ultimate in kinky Fifty Shades of Grey in-store advertisements. So sayeth Briana Honz, Pipedream’s merchandiser, “The Fetish Fantasy line and its offshoot brands cover all the bases for fetish enthusiasts,” plying them with such naughty novelties as hand-cuffs, various varieties of rope, breathable ball gags, Love Masks, and the aforementioned lingerie line. Eldorado and Pipedream have done their part, now we’ll just have to see if retailers pick up on the offer and extend it to their customers.

In more explicit adult-related news, Smash Pictures has announced the casting of Allie Haze and Ryan Driller in their forthcoming parody film, 50 Shades Darker XXX, based on the second of the three Fifty Shades novels and directed by Jim Powers. With Haze’s recent departure from the Vivid Entertainment stable and Driller’s continued success in parody roles – his turn as Clark Kent/Superman in Axel Braun’s Superman XXX: A Porn Parody scored him an AVN Best Actor nomination this year – the pair were clearly the best choices for their respective roles, beating out all other hopefuls who turned up to Smash’s open audition just a few days ago.

Whether the Fifty Shades Darker parody will beat out the other adult effort, Adult Source Media’s already announced and as-yet-untitled hardcore parody of the first book of the best-selling trilogy, remains to be seen. So too, though, does the longevity of this recent pop-culture phenomenon. Flash-in-the-pan or a genuine advancement of BDSM culture? Does author EL James (no periods for this literary genius) have the legal right to halt production of porn movies parodying her best-seller, which in turn has its origins in copyright-infringing Twilight fan-fiction? You be the judge! (And jury and sexy, sexy executioner! Ooh!)