Bang Bros | Mr. Pink's Blog

Nerd Hunting

The Bang Bros’ website Fuck Team Five has found itself in plenty of rather sketchy situations in its short online lifespan. There have been humiliating mid-blowjob phone calls to some guy’s poor wife, a three-girl chant of “Nothing gets inside Madison Ivy’s butthole!” and dozens upon dozens of amateur Miami and LA guys getting a chance at pornstar pussy paradise. One episode in particular is especially noteworthy to me because I occasioned to meet one of the “random” guys Fuck Team Five picked up while cruising down Melrose Blvd. on a gorgeous Southern California Sunday afternoon. Then he was a 21-year-old aspiring standup comic fresh off the bus from Godknowswhere, USA. His name, well, for a long, long time I completely forgot his name, but with his starring role in Todd Philip’s (Road Trip, Wedding Crashers) newest opus, Project X, plus a genuine background as an adult performer, Jonathan Daniel Brown might not be a name we’ll be forgetting anytime soon.

One day back in 2008, Brown, having only recently arrived in Hollywood, was walking down Melrose minding his own business when a white van pulled up and out jumped three of the most astounding slutty pornstars known to mankind: Ashlii Orion, Jennifer Dark, and Phoenix Marie. Orion, surprisingly, managed to recall quite a few details of Brown’s participation and how he fared in his first onscreen performance.

“I remember him being this cute little nerdy guy, shy, and super nervous!” Orion told AVN. “He was really nice so I felt bac that I had to make fun of him in true Fuck Team 5 fashion.” It seems being pasty, chubby, and bespectacled, and struggling to make it as a standup comic – which is when I met him while attending a mutual friend’s “show” at a dismally vacant East Hollywood Ramada Inn – hasn’t relegated this so-called “nerd” to the depths of social isolation. Instead, he’s fucking Ashlii Orion until he “popped all over [her] ass.” Kudos, guy I met at a shitty comedy/karaoke thing in a crummy hotel not-really-but-sorta-in Hollywood a few years back. Kudos, indeed.

In closing, all I can say is thank your lucky stars that more also-ran strandups of Hollywood aren’t nabbing themselves small porn roles. That scene’s already enough of a circle jerk as it is.

Hyuk-hyuk.

Eva Angelina Bounces Back

Pornstars stop performing for any number of reasons. Linda Lovelace panicked, “got out” and saved her sanity; Jenna Haze wanted to focus on directing and fucking her beau, the lead singer of Dillinger Escape Plan; Sasha Grey had to prove herself an artiste, and Hayley Paige just plain died. Eva Angelina, though, her departure from the sexually-explicit screen was a little less worrisome.

Having progressed from flat-chested newcomer in a Shane’s World college-themed blowjob scene to amply-chested, tattooed goddess of hardcore, lascivious, powerful throat, pussy, and anal penetrations, often in the most lurid combinations, on sites such as Brazzers and ZTOD, it seemed like Eva Angelina was poised before her greatest success. She got that success (and one hell of an award) but it didn’t come from AVN or XBIZ or XRCO, it came from her womb.

After welcoming her daughter Silvi Mountain with then-husband and fellow pornstar Danny Mountain in 2008, Eva seemed to disappear from the industry for a number of years. Although rumors about a hastily made decision to quite porn for the suburban life weren’t exactly running rampant, nobody really knew whether or not Eva was planning a comeback. Then, almost out of nowhere, a few scenes started to filter through the networks and she reappeared.

Brazzers was the one of the first sites to showcase the post-baby-body Eva Angelina, with Bang Bros and Naughty America soon to follow, and what a sight it was. Even more decked-out and spruced-up than before, the reinvigorated AVN-winner had shaved the sides of her head, added a few tattoos, and launched herself back into porn, surprising many fans with her noticeably exuberant attitude lending itself perfectly to assfucking and double-penetration scenes with the likes of James Deen and Mick Blue. It had been a while since Eva threw herself headlong into a cockfest, but she proved to be in exemplary shape nonetheless.

Over at Bang Bros, Eva was added last week to the list of pornstar babes who’ve lent their bodies to one of the Bros’ newest sites, Pornstar Spa, and what a welcome return to BB HQ it was! Eva’s stunningly curvaceous body is showcased to perfection by the HD cameras as what is supposed to be a relaxing deep tissue massage turns into sex so hardcore it tests her endurance, flexibility,stamina, kegel power, and resilience as some lucky bastard (and his big purple dildo) gives the new mother a complete working over. In her Naughty America and Tonight’s Girlfriend scenes, Eva showed only a hint of the effect pregnancy has on the female body – stretch-marks being visible for, oh, a few seconds here and there. While this physical “flaw” is bound to turn off some compulsive masturbators, those eager to celebrate the return of one of contemporary porn’s greatest success stories will likely be even more turned on by Ms. Angelina than ever before, stretch-marks and all.

Eva, it’s great to have you back!

Gettin’ Sexy at the Spa

Massage porn has been blowing up the cyberwaves of late and it seems like any adult network worth its bandwidth is hastily cobbling together some kind of massage-related hardcore site to keep up with customer demands. Reality Kings has Happy Tugs, an Asian themed massage site; Porn Pros has Massage Creep; Brazzers hosts Dirty Masseur; WTF Pass has HD Massage Porn; and Teen Mega World has Tricky Masseur. Merely scraping the surface and keeping ourselves limited to networks only, no standalone sites, we’ve already gathered all the evidence needed to confirm that massage porn is set to follow parodies just as ska and so-cal punk followed grunge and alterna-rock. The best massage porn site of all, however, is the one with the strongest roster of models laying down and letting some lucky and manually dexterous “masseuse” run his filthy mitts all over their incredible bodies. That site, dear readers, is Pornstar Spa.

Under the watchful eye of the infamous Bang Bros, Pornstar Spa has grown from a seedling of an idea of a concept to one of the most thrilling sites on the entire Bang Bros network – and, man, is that saying something! The latest addition to the Pornstar Spa roster, which already includes more than two dozen incredible pornstar babes, is French/Vietnamese legend of the adult entertainment industry, frequent sparring partner of Manuel Ferrara and Rocco Siffredi, and multiple AVN Award winner, Katsuni. One quick gander at the previews of Katsuni’s Pornstar Spa scene and you’ll see why this site is so damn hard to turn away from: her luscious physique is captured in evocative low camera angles, making it feel like she’s right there in front of you. Lathered with oils and laying on a physiotherapy table, Katsuni’s body has rarely looked better than it does here, and that’s even before anything profoundly sexual occurs. You can imagine how thrilling it gets once she realizes this handyman is here to take care not just of her muscular tension, but her sexual tension, too.

So, you’re not a Katsuni fan? As difficult as that is for this writer to comprehend, we must respect all tastes. Just try and avoid finding an incredibly well-built babe who you wouldn’t turn to murder just to get your hands on for a few measly seconds within this list of Pornstar Spa performers: Vicki Chase, Lisa Ann, Amy Reid, Brynn Tyler, Diamond Kitty, Capri Cavalli, Jennifer Dark, Nicole Aniston, Phoenix Marie, Rachel Starr, Madison Ivy, Kelly Divine, Samantha Saint, Nikki Sexx, Mason Moore, Sophie Dee, Lylith Lavey, Katie Kox, Francesca Le, Vanilla DeVille, Abbey Brooks, Venice, Jayden Jaymes, Richelle Ryan, Sienna West, Tiffany D. Gore, and the incomparable (even after such a disappointing boob-job) Rebeca Linares.

Well, readers, did you ever see a more stellar lineup of physiques in one place in the history of adult entertainment? Yeah, thought not.

Ms. Cleo

Caller??? Mr. Pink’s Wacky, Strange, Bizarre, Curious, and often Downright Funny Porn Star name of the week brings you Ms. Cleo.

First thing that came to my mind when I spotted the name of this thick ass honey was those hilarious late-night Psychic Readers Network infomercials featuring the “psychic” Miss Cleo. You know the one that claimed she was from Jamaica but was born in LA. I miss those infomercials.

Back to Ms. Cleo. I spotted Ms. Cleo on the Bang Bros Network site Brown Bunnies in an outrageous scene that is just as memorable as those Miss Cleo infomercials. Ms. Cleo stuffs her entire body and XL booty into a shopping cart and gets rammed, slammed, and stuffed by thick dicked Shorty Mac. Great stuff all around for all you guys out there who lust after phat ass fucking! MrPinks.com has awarded you, Ms. Cleo, with this weeks edition of Mr. Pink’s Wacky, Strange, Bizarre, Curious, and often Downright Funny Porn Star name of the week! Let’s go shopping!