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Axel Braun: Man of Iron

Iron Man XXX: An Axel Braun Parody It seems there’s no stopping the superhero movie juggernaut. Not only did Joss Whedon’s movie adaptation of Marvel’s The Avengers become the third highest-grossing film of all time soon after its May 2012 release, but it cemented plans for more Marvel properties to make the transition from printed page to silver screen and the already widespread availability of explicit adult parodies of said Marvel properties into overdrive. The undisputed king of porn parodies, Axel Braun has already turned his hand to Marvel characters more than once – his XXX interpretations of Spider-Man, She-Hulk, and The Avengers won rave reviews and confirmed porn parodies as the hottest ticket in town – and now the master is turning his hand to, of all things, the story of a dying man imprisoned in a suit of iron.

The success of two previous Iron Man films, along with Robert Downey, Jr.’s charisma, might’ve guaranteed a ton of pre-release interest for the forthcoming Iron Man 3, but such hype doesn’t always translate into sales of a derivative porn parody. With Braun’s track record, though, he’s not likely worried. The trailer for his upcoming Iron Man XXX parody has finally been unveiled and, boy, it doesn’t look like Braun’s pulled any punches this time around.

Iron Man XXX: An Axel Braun Parody stars Dale DaBone as billionaire industrialist Tony Stark and as his armored superhero alter-ego, Iron Man. DaBone is joined by superbabes Lexi Belle, Brooklyn Lee, Shazia Sahari, and Skin Diamond, with Lexington Steele reprising his crucial role as Nick Fury, director of S.H.I.E.L.D. But who landed the pivotal role as the movie’s villain, The Mandarin, played in the official film by Ben Kingsley, I can hear you asking? Watch the trailer, bro – it answers all your questions and raises a few new ones, all in preparation for the release of Iron Max XXX: An Axel Braun Parody next month.

Larry Flynt Sells HQ

The original master Hustler himself, Mr. Larry Flynt, has sold the legendary Wilshire Blvd. tower that has served as Larry Flynt Publications’ headquarters since its purchase in 1984 for $18.8 million. The new owner, Santa Monica-based Douglas Emmett Inc. paid $82 million, which Flynt says he’ll be putting towards “buying another casino”. The stately building, designed in 1972 by William Pereira, also currently houses the Brazilian consulate and numerous law offices and even features a sculpture of John Wayne on the grounds. So why would Flynt want to sell? Expansion, of course.

Built in 1972 to house Great Western Savings, for whom John Wayne was spokesman, the LFP building (as it has long been known) became Hustler’s headquarters and Flynt’s office, creative counsel, living space, hospice, and war room during his infamous battles with the Jerry Falwell in the United States Supreme Court, an assassination attempt, the death of his wife Althea, recovery from drug addiction, and resurgence in the adult entertainment world. So this can’t have been a decision made lightly. Although the new owner will take possession of the property by the end of summer, Larry Flynt Publications will be staying put as a leasing tenant, at least for the time being.

Gasping at Dildos with Kelly Brook and Keith Lemon

While many in the United States only know her as an insanely attractive walk-on player in such movies as The Italian Job, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, and Piranha 3D, Kelly Brook has a long career in her native England, a career encompassing everything from billboard modeling and a stint as a Page Three girl to, well, lunging blindfolded and open-mouthed at a dildo while seated across from fellow television personality Holly Willoughby, whose nickname “Willough-booby” gives you some indication of her talents. Yes, you read that correctly.

That absurdly mustachioed man messing with his lovely lady guests is Keith Lemon, a character created by British comedian Leigh Francis, whose antics revolve almost entirely around his libido and, for whatever reason, he has managed to thrust an erect phallus in front of two open-mouthed superbabes as they bob and weave, attempting to catch a straw (a dildo, a fish…) between their lips.

In comparison, American television’s most recently incident of extreme sexual suggestiveness was, well, Seth MacFarlane hosting the Oscars. With competition like that, it’s no wonder the Brits, those sexually naive and hilariously awkward Brits, might have us beat this season.

Andrew WK’s Fresh + Sexy Party Plan

Playtex Products, the company that brought you the ubiquitous pink dish-washing glove, the Gentle Glide 360 tampon, and the Kinder-Grip graphic baby bottle, now introduces something previously unheard of, a baby wipe for sexually active adults, and they’ve chosen a rather odd young fellow to be the official spokesperson for Fresh + Sexy Wipes: Andrew W.K.

The unstoppable party animal, would-be UN Goodwill Ambassador to Bahrain, and avowed shower-resistor known to his parents as Andrew Wilkes-Krier might seem like a curious choice to represent a product intended for genital hygiene maintenance before and after sex, but as the relentless partier is hot on the heels of a tour celebrating the 10th anniversary re-release of his debut album, I Get Wet, maybe it makes perfect sense after all.

Andrew says: “Whether you just finished rocking a packed club or have an intimate encounter after a busy day, this product will make couples feel brand new. Fresh + Sexy Wipes were specially designed to help couples feel confidently clean, before and after they engage in sexual activity!”

All this from a guy who celebrates the accumulation of bodily filth on his all-white uniform and routinely vomits blood on himself after a Taco Bell binge? With Andrew W.K., every situation is an opportunity to party, clean or dirty, naked or clothed.