Celebrities | Mr. Pink's Blog

Fred Willard: Busted for Beat-Off

Remember when Paul “Pee-Wee Herman” Ruebens was busted for masturbating in a Florida porn theater back in 1991 and how it all but ruined his career for a good eight or nine years? Well, Fred Willard, star of TV’s Fernwood Tonight and Modern Family, and films like Anchorman and Best in Show, is facing the same crisis of celebrity after also being found beating-off in Hollywood Tiki Theater, a theater screening adult movies, by LAPD officers.

Willard was arrested on July 18 after an LAPD officer conducting a “walk-through” in the theater allegedly found the comedian engaging in a “lewd act”. While many news outlets have been reporting the act as masturbation, plain and simple, Willard offered his version of events on Twitter.

Wait til u hear my version; much more PG. & my review, lousy film, but theater would make a terrific racquetball court. Full story 2 follow.

— Fred Willard (@Fred_Willard) July 23, 2012

The film in question? Well, at the time of his arrest Willard would’ve been watching one of three movies playing on a rotating schedule: Follow Me 2 (Evil Angel), Official The Client List Parody (Zero Tolerance), or Relax He’s My Stepdad 2 (Combat Zone). Instead of venturing out into (relative) public world to, uh, enjoy himself with a porn movie, perhaps Willard should’ve stayed home. That’s the sentiment behind an offer from Gamelink, an adult video-on-demand service; an offer of a lifetime supply of V.O.D. minutes and a free masturbator sex toy of his choice.

Man, maybe I should start beating off in theaters, too!

Bree Olson: Hollywood Douchebag

When Bree Olson, anal-loving, pregnancy-fantasizing adult superstar, got tangled up in the most recent Charlie Sheen trainwreck, came out the other side only to turn her back on porn and retire, many of us thought we’d never hear her candy-coated, slightly shrill voice again. And then she turned into a pop star.

With her debut music video, ‘Hollywood Douchebag’, Bree Olson is angling for your attention once again, only this time she’s not using her tits and pussy to get it. (Well, she is, really, but she’s uncharacteristically covered them up.) Instead of crooning about the plains of her home state Indiana or guesting on some rapper’s latest tirade, Bree put herself in the spotlight – surprise, surprise – with a self-written ode to the alpha males populating the entertainment hotbed of the Golden State. With plenty of inspirational resources at her disposal, the wannabe Agnetha or Anni-Frid throws hilarious insults at the kinds of guys she no doubt runs into with great regularity in LA.

Although she clearly has her sights set on a breakout musical parody hit akin to Lonely Island’s ‘I’m On a Boat’ and ‘I Just Had Sex’, Olson hasn’t completely discarded her sexually explicit past and in fact cast adult performer Alexis Ford as a principal dancer and even hired noted porn helmet Andre Madness (Bree & Alexis, College Tails, Grindhouse XXX) to direct the video, which sees Bree go up against a typical type-A cud, a real Pseudo-Situation, a top-tier Hollywood Douchebag.

And don’t worry, folks. Unlike almost every other screen appearance Olson has made, this one is, to use the parlance of our times, SFW, even if it does see her show off her cleavage and cavort around with various scantily clad men and women. Oh, Bree! It’s so nice to have you back!

James Franco: Playboy

In his quest to conquer every known strain of academia and the employ every known means of artistic expression, the world’s most attractive polymath, actor/director/painter/poet/writer/model/teacher James Franco, can now add Playboy Columnist to his already enormous resume.

In the current July/August issue of Hugh Hefner’s infamous men’s mag – yes, it’s the issue with Jenny Mc Carthy on the cover… again – the first installment of Franco’s six-part Francofile column appears, starting things off with a Q&A with New York-based Serbian performance artist, Marina Abramovic. What do they talk about and why is it being published in a magazine noted almost equally for its tits ‘n’ ass as its progressive journalism? All I can reveal – I’m gonna read this issue after dinner, I promise – is that topics covered in Franco’s piece with the woman he calls “the grandmother of performance art” include “space, energy, and magic.”

Oh, James Franco. You’re my hero!

Bold, Busty, and Free!

Now that we’ve all had time to digest our barbecue and lose our hangovers, we, the Americans can look back on another day of national celebration with pride. Fourth of July, Independence Day 2012 was another in a long line of fun and freedom-filled parties across the nation. Here’s a few happenings that reminded us of what makes our great nation great and what freedom has enabled Americans to achieve.

Miley Cyrus tweeted this flirty photo of herself decked out in celebratory red, white, and blue garb:

Playboy magnate Hugh Hefner also took to Twitter and showed his followers what it’s like to celebrate the 4th in true “American Dream” style. Hef’s pictured here with ex-fiancee and reignited flame Crystal Harris enjoying a game of backgammon at the Playboy Mansion:

San Diegans saw their fireworks display end rather abruptly as soon as it began when the entire cache of explosives blew at the same time, turning what would have been a 17-minute display into 15 short, awe-inspiring seconds of ka-boom:

But it was over at Naughty America that the most dazzling display of national pride occurred, with Lisa Ann, Jessica Jaymes, and Nicole Aniston wearing their stars and stripes loudly and proudly in support of the country that has welcomed them (and their fantastic racks) into a $13 billion dollar industry that’s all about freedom, making them superstars just for doing what comes naturally and freely expressing their sexualities.

Ah, America! You’re so great!