Tag: Porn

Nerd Hunting

Nerd HuntingThe Bang Bros’ website Fuck Team Five has found itself in plenty of rather sketchy situations in its short online lifespan. There have been humiliating mid-blowjob phone calls to some guy’s poor wife, a three-girl chant of “Nothing gets inside Madison Ivy’s butthole!” and dozens upon dozens of amateur Miami and LA guys getting a chance at pornstar pussy paradise. One episode in particular is especially noteworthy to me because I occasioned to meet one of the “random” guys Fuck Team Five picked up while cruising down Melrose Blvd. on a gorgeous Southern California Sunday afternoon. Then he was a 21-year-old aspiring standup comic fresh off the bus from Godknowswhere, USA. His name, well, for a long, long time I completely forgot his name, but with his starring role in Todd Philip’s (Road Trip, Wedding Crashers) newest opus, Project X, plus a genuine background as an adult performer, Jonathan Daniel Brown might not be a name we’ll be forgetting anytime soon.

One day back in 2008, Brown, having only recently arrived in Hollywood, was walking down Melrose minding his own business when a white van pulled up and out jumped three of the most astounding slutty pornstars known to mankind: Ashlii Orion, Jennifer Dark, and Phoenix Marie. Orion, surprisingly, managed to recall quite a few details of Brown’s participation and how he fared in his first onscreen performance.

“I remember him being this cute little nerdy guy, shy, and super nervous!” Orion told AVN. “He was really nice so I felt bac that I had to make fun of him in true Fuck Team 5 fashion.” It seems being pasty, chubby, and bespectacled, and struggling to make it as a standup comic – which is when I met him while attending a mutual friend’s “show” at a dismally vacant East Hollywood Ramada Inn – hasn’t relegated this so-called “nerd” to the depths of social isolation. Instead, he’s fucking Ashlii Orion until he “popped all over [her] ass.” Kudos, guy I met at a shitty comedy/karaoke thing in a crummy hotel not-really-but-sorta-in Hollywood a few years back. Kudos, indeed.

In closing, all I can say is thank your lucky stars that more also-ran strandups of Hollywood aren’t nabbing themselves small porn roles. That scene’s already enough of a circle jerk as it is.

Hyuk-hyuk.

Eva Angelina Bounces Back

Eva AngelinaPornstars stop performing for any number of reasons. Linda Lovelace panicked, “got out” and saved her sanity; Jenna Haze wanted to focus on directing and fucking her beau, the lead singer of Dillinger Escape Plan; Sasha Grey had to prove herself an artiste, and Hayley Paige just plain died. Eva Angelina, though, her departure from the sexually-explicit screen was a little less worrisome.

Having progressed from flat-chested newcomer in a Shane’s World college-themed blowjob scene to amply-chested, tattooed goddess of hardcore, lascivious, powerful throat, pussy, and anal penetrations, often in the most lurid combinations, on sites such as Brazzers and ZTOD, it seemed like Eva Angelina was poised before her greatest success. She got that success (and one hell of an award) but it didn’t come from AVN or XBIZ or XRCO, it came from her womb.

After welcoming her daughter Silvi Mountain with then-husband and fellow pornstar Danny Mountain in 2008, Eva seemed to disappear from the industry for a number of years. Although rumors about a hastily made decision to quite porn for the suburban life weren’t exactly running rampant, nobody really knew whether or not Eva was planning a comeback. Then, almost out of nowhere, a few scenes started to filter through the networks and she reappeared.

Brazzers was the one of the first sites to showcase the post-baby-body Eva Angelina, with Bang Bros and Naughty America soon to follow, and what a sight it was. Even more decked-out and spruced-up than before, the reinvigorated AVN-winner had shaved the sides of her head, added a few tattoos, and launched herself back into porn, surprising many fans with her noticeably exuberant attitude lending itself perfectly to assfucking and double-penetration scenes with the likes of James Deen and Mick Blue. It had been a while since Eva threw herself headlong into a cockfest, but she proved to be in exemplary shape nonetheless.

Over at Bang Bros, Eva was added last week to the list of pornstar babes who’ve lent their bodies to one of the Bros’ newest sites, Pornstar Spa, and what a welcome return to BB HQ it was! Eva’s stunningly curvaceous body is showcased to perfection by the HD cameras as what is supposed to be a relaxing deep tissue massage turns into sex so hardcore it tests her endurance, flexibility,stamina, kegel power, and resilience as some lucky bastard (and his big purple dildo) gives the new mother a complete working over. In her Naughty America and Tonight’s Girlfriend scenes, Eva showed only a hint of the effect pregnancy has on the female body – stretch-marks being visible for, oh, a few seconds here and there. While this physical “flaw” is bound to turn off some compulsive masturbators, those eager to celebrate the return of one of contemporary porn’s greatest success stories will likely be even more turned on by Ms. Angelina than ever before, stretch-marks and all.

Eva, it’s great to have you back!

The Chubbiest Show in Vegas

BBW FanFestCome July, chubby chasers can finally relax a little because the greatest BBW performers in adult entertainment will all be gathered in one convenient location: BBW FanFest 2012. The invited plump and sexy plus-sized performers, which include Kelly Shibari and Bunny de la Cruz, will head to the party capital of the USA, Las Vegas, for a three day celebration of all things erotically oversized. There’s plenty of fun stuff planned for the event, too, including a trade show (complete with a BDSM dungeon), seminars, dance parties, a strip poker tournament featuring BBW models, “exhibitionism for the shy”, and workshops on Facesitting and Chest Sitting, Photographing the Big Beautiful Body, Positioning Your Big Girl, as well as multiple model Q&A sessions and general sexually-charged frivolity.

If you’re a BBW admirer who really wants to indulge in a little or a lot of half-drunken carousing across the floors of the Tuscany Suites and Hotel, who’s aching to have Kelly Shibari, Desiree Devine, or Sydney Screams’ kiss your cheek and sign a photo for you, this is a chance unlike any other to fulfill your largest, weightiest fantasies.

More information on BBW FanFest 2012, which runs July 13th to 15th, can be found at the events official website. You’ll find a full roster of appearing models, scheduled events, ticketing details (including some delectable premium packages), and everything else you might need to know before the big day arrives. (Well, everything except what delicious treats to bring your favorite hot ‘n’ hefty pornstar, that is.)

Chicks on Chicks with Dicks

Ava DevineRiding a shemale’s dick before a HD video camera adds a whole other dimension to the career and professional persona of a porn starlet and not always in such a positive way – see the barrage of complaints whenever Ava Devine appears in a Naughty America update. Ava, though, is a perfect example of an adult performer unafraid to try new things, expand her professional repertoire, and fuck people in ways most pornstars simply wouldn’t. A number of times and for a number of websites, including her own official site, Ava  has gone above and beyond what most female pornstars would identify as “the call of duty” to bring her fans something truly exceptional and potentially mind-blowing (not to mention team-changing): sex with transsexuals. Grabbing one of her favorite trans-performers – Vaniity is a frequent partner, as is Morgan Bailey – Ava is inclined to fuck their ladyboy asses with a strap-on, let them fuck her mouth, pussy, or ass, and will even get on all fours for a facial pasting containing millions of microscopic shemale sperm. Hell, she’s even down for some four-way tranny bukkake if the mood strikes, but do you think that gets her a place in the mainstream porn lover’s heart? Hell no, they’re too busy ogling Lexi Belle, Jessie Rogers, and every other blonde cutie-pie with a slim ‘n’ sexy figure who’ll snorkel for clams and smoke some pole and even strap a fake one on, but won’t go near an actual dick-equipped-chick with a 13″ Lex Steele Dong.

It’s great to see a performer of Ava Devine’s calibre and experience giver her tranny sisters a spot in a porn flick many folks otherwise would never find, let alone watch, but isn’t it time a few other notable women of the adult world opened themselves up to a little trans-banging once in a while? Imagine hot new (and very adventurous) starlets Holly Michaels and Skin Diamond teaming up to strap-on-fuck Morgan Bailey’s mouth and ass while she beats her own lil’ meatstick. Look, it’s not exactly my preferred style of smut, but it sure as hell is more original than another softly lit blowjob scene in which everyone plays their prescribed gender role perfectly, never crossing any boundaries, pushing any envelopes, or guzzling a shemale’s oral cum tsunami, wouldn’t you agree?