Tag: Sex Advice

Dear Missy Pink,

This is a little embarrassing, but, I need advice. I want to bring the act of spanking into the foreplay my wife and I share, but, I don’t know how to come out and tell her. I’ve made hints and her reply is always the same, something about that being disgusting, sick, weird, etc. I’ve never played my hand far enough for her to know I’m talking about myself wanting to do this, so she doesn’t tell her girlfriends she’s married to a fetish freak. I don’t even know why I want it, but I do, and my excitement level isn’t as high as I know it would be if I could be spanked.

Disciplined Desired

Dear Friend;

Anything that’s not a frequent action in someone’s life can often be seen as odd or different, but that doesn’t mean it will never be tried and incorporated. It seems you’ve been skirting around the issue a bit, and if you’re unclear on the presentation, your wife may be responding with hesitancy, unsure of what your feelings are, hence, leaving her unsure of the direction to reply.

In reading between the lines, I wonder if you’re seeking reassurance for yourself that this fetish feeling you carry is indeed something normal. Allow me to say, I would never say what’s normal and what’s not, it’s different strokes for different folks. With that disclaimer added, I’ll also offer an avenue you’ve maybe not thought about before. For every action in life, sexual or not, there are hundreds of reasons for doing so, and when it comes to spanking, that doesn’t immediately mean you should have a pacifier between your lips and you want to practice infantilism.

Looking at it from a logical standpoint, when a person has their eager butt spanked, the hand, cane, riding crop, hair brush, etc. makes contact with that area of the body, it’s very close to the genitalia, whether male or female. The stinging and burning, the awakening of nerve endings from the contact made radiates to the erogenous zones as part of the foreplay warm up, and there is certainly nothing abnormal about that. So, it could be, that bit of a ticklish tease it gives to your testicles is just another form of stimulation that makes your orgasm more powerful.

Of course there’s also the avenue of your desire to slip into a bit of a submissive role, to have your wife control and discipline you, which is also a form of stimulation for the largest sex organ of the body….the brain.

I seemingly always advise my question makers, honesty is the best policy. Trust in your wife and the bond the two of you share. Let her know it’s just something kinky you’d like to try, and who knows, maybe once you do, it isn’t everything you thought it would be. Variety is the spice of life, and spice belongs in the bedroom as well as the kitchen. Take the bull by the horns and then take your wife by the hand, tell her what you’re feeling and let nature take its course. And that my friend, is an order, don’t miss out on something that you’ll find yourself years later wishing you’d attempted to share with her, life is short, go for the gusto. Do it soon, or….I’ll put you over my knee!

Missy Pink;

I know it’s usually the other way around, but, for some reason my husband keeps turning me down when I want sex. It’s been happening for the last couple of years, and the other night he told me I was like a sex addict or something, wanting it all the time. He thinks once a week is plenty. We’re in our early 40’s and neither of us should be feeling non sexual at this age, right? I’m not sure if I’m the problem or he is.

Feeling Neglected

Dear Friend,
Well, if you want to take about a hormonal type of reaction to your problem, I first have to say, by no means am I a doctor. With that being said, it would be my uneducated guess that no two people are identical as to when their sex drive heightens or lessens.
A lot of things could be factored in to the bed sheets being cooler than what you’d like. Maybe there’s stress with his job or life in general that’s keeping his libido at a dull roar, or, it could be that some men enjoy being the one to initiate the foreplay and hardcore sessions in the master bedroom, then, there is also the possibility that with it now being football season, he’s more interested in the huddle than the cuddle.

It’s not unnatural, most couples will go through dry spells now and then, and sometimes all it takes is something a little extra special to re-ignite that spark. Some sexy lingerie, high heels, a provocative note left in his briefcase to find at lunch, or maybe a phone call during that 2 pm drowsy time of every afternoon to perk things up. The main thing is to not take it personally, don’t let it make you feel as though you aren’t attractive or he doesn’t want you like he did when you were dating, people change, and part of that change can affect the sex drive.

Maybe do a little soul searching before you approach him for a conversation about your needs. Is it the sex itself that you desire or the closeness? Would a few passionate hugs or the holding of your hand now and then be enough to assure you his heart is still in the right place? Sometimes we mistake hardcore acts for a softcore need.

I find myself telling people, communication is a huge part of any relationship, but before you go into a deep discussion, be sure of what you’re feeling and then be open to receive his feedback. Always make sure honesty is the foundation and compromise will go hand in hand.

Just as you might need or want certain things to stimulate you to the highest level, he’s only human and also has needs of his own. Curb your desire to pounce on him until you know he’s ready to be your pornographic prey, and then slip into your safari frame of mind and conquer the beast within you both!

Missy Pink;

I’m having trouble sleeping, eating, and concentrating on work, the only thing I seem to have no trouble doing is thinking about a man I met the other day. First of all, let me say, I am married, 7 years ago I said, “I do,” and thought I would always abide by my vows, but, I’ve never had anyone turn my head like this guy. A month ago I slipped on some steps and hurt my ankle, a friend drove me to the doctor’s office, where the attending student doctor was the first to come into my room. He was gorgeous and my heart skipped a beat! Our eyes locked and I think he was feeling the same chemistry as I was. Let me say, I’ve never, ever given anyone a second glance before, always faithful, but, this man really rocked my world and I’m due to go back in a few days for a check-up to my sprained ankle, and I have to admit, I’m anxious and excited. I’m ashamed to say this, but when having sex with my husband, I fantasize I’m with the student doctor, and, I’m masturbating many times a day with the same fantasies. I feel like a horrible person, but, I can’t stop.

Dearest Friend;

Well, it sounds as if the medical attention for your ankle went straight to your head! On your return visit for a check-up, you may want to see if they can write you a prescription for the seven-year-itch you seem to be experiencing.

A lot of things will factor into a lightning bolt, eyes-locking, heart racing, moisture building moment shared between two people. Luckily, for the most part, many times it turns out to be just a coincidental, one time only type of occurrence, enough to set your mind awhirl as your panties hit the floor.  There is something called endorphins, and when those kick in, they can have a very powerful impact, especially on your sexual desires. It could have been a certain expression the student doctor had when he walked into the room, his aftershave, the crisp, white, starched jacked he wore, boosting your appreciation for a man in uniform, a thousand things could have sparked those invisible little gremlins that reside within the brain, wreaking havoc with your happy home life.

Since you mentioned fantasizing about him when having sex with your husband, and also during multiple solo masturbation sessions, I’m assuming your attraction was completely physical, which, there’s nothing wrong with that, we all need that spark of something now and then to awaken dormant desires, but, since you’re wearing a ring on your left hand, it’s better to leave it only to your imagination.

If you are feeling horrible over the image of this man in your mind, think of how consumed you would be if you were to act upon it. Sometimes dreams are much better than reality, that’s why snooze buttons were installed on alarm clocks, to keep the dream alive!

Take your wild desires by the hand and lead them into your own bedroom, with your very own husband, do a little more foreplay a bit more hardcore action, and leave him feeling more than just drained after an orgasm. Don’t replace his face or body with anyone else’s, remember it was love that brought you together, and faithfulness will keep it that way. It never hurts to fantasize, it’s normal, healthy and exciting, so don’t beat yourself up over it, but do keep it where it belongs… in your mind, along with thoughts such as what to fix for dinner, and did you remember to mail in the mortgage payment.

When you go back for your check-up, put your best foot forward when having your ankle examined. Remember when he puts the stethoscope to your chest, the heart he hears, beats for your husband.