Sex Toys | Mr. Pink's Blog

Fleshlight Goes Interactive

Fleshlight, the company that brought you molded masturbator sheaths in the shape of the pussies of pornstars Asa Akira, Tori Black, Lisa Ann, Jesse Jane, Jessica Drake and others, has upped the game once again by introducing Vstroker, a customizable, reactive attachment that fits any Fleshlight and puts you on a pleasure plane high above anything you’ve ever tried before.

A definite challenge to the interactive RealTouch device, which reacts to onscreen action, tightening its grip and increasing the pace of its contractions as the scene on your computer screen heats up, Vstroker instead puts you, not the video you’re watching, in charge of your artificially amplified beating off. With a motion sensor attachment and a wireless USB connector bridging the physical gap between your PC and your dick, Vstroker monitors the speed and ferocity of your thrusting and either speeds up or slows down the onscreen hardcore action to suit your pace.

With Fleshlight Girls Misty Stone and Asa Akira already providing tailor-made interactive video content that lets you fuck their mouths, pussies, and asses however you please, Vstroker is certainly off to a strong start. Can it wrangle domination of the interactive masturbator market from the soon-to-be-reviewed-by-yours-truly Real Touch, though? Would you prefer to sit back, enter your chosen orifice and let the girl take control of your pleasure or are you determined to do it your own way? Whatever your preference, it’s clear the future of interactive cyber sex is landing on the doorsteps of horny porn fan, wrapped discreetly in brown paper, right fucking now. This is the future we’ve been waiting for!

Happy and Horny Housewife

Dear Missy Pink;

I hope my letter falls under the criteria of what you offer advice for, it’s not really a sexual issue between my husband and I, but it is sexual about myself. I guess I would be considered a MILF of sort, I’m in my mid 40’s, have 2 grown children, a husband I adore, a good life, and a sex drive that just won’t stop! I work out at the gym 4 times a week, my husband always tells me how hot I still am, and our bedroom is kept active multiple times a week, even quickies in the middle of the day, but I need more. All I think about is the burning between my legs that needs constant attention. I’m wearing my spouse out, he’s more than happy to keep me satisfied, but, I haven’t told him just how sex driven I am, I’m afraid he’ll feel inadequate.

Happy and Horny Housewife

Dear Happy and Horny Housewife;

Well, it seems like you do have a bit of a dirty dilemma, but one that most any man in the world would love to be dealing with! Normally, after a few years of marriage, the husband ends up receiving more doggy style sex than anything, and in this case, it’s not what you think, actually, it’s where he sits up and begs and the wife rolls over and plays dead!

One thing I didn’t read in your letter was any reference to looking outside of your marriage for the means to manage your moisture, kudos to you for that! With that being said, I would say the answer to your sexual issue could be solved in one word….gasoline. Yes, fill your vehicle’s tank to full, take a trip to the next county over, find that little hidden shop that carries toys for big girls, and go on a shopping bender! You’re more than fortunate that your marital mate is ready to drop his boxers and service both of your needs on the frequent basis that he does, and who doesn’t love those afternoon quickies?! But if you’re still seeking something for your saturation, then I would advise you to maybe bypass the batteries and go for the big guns that run off of AC/DC. Don’t worry about shaving your legs, just spread them and let the gooey times roll!

You claim you need more attention from the comfort of your own bed, and it sounds as if even though your husband is very in tune with your body, maybe it’s time you take a little road trip over your own curves. If you’ve never thought about masturbation, it’s time you do. One thing about it, whenever you want it, you’re always available to do what needs done. Buy yourself a vibrator that does everything but the dishes, have a multitude of settings, take yourself through stimulating foreplay and then flip that baby to high and let the juices fly!

When you toss a load of whites into the washer, lean firmly against the front of the machine as the agitator starts, let it warm up your mid-section, and then set time aside for you to spend with your new purchase, you won’t be cheating on anyone, and those self induced orgasms through the day will be just the thing to hold your horniness over until the hubby gets home from work.

Scrape the dust off of your credit card, get excited tonight at the thought of your shopping spree tomorrow, and always remember, masturbation is sex with someone you love!

Smooshing and Screaming

Every Thursday night a rapidly declining percentage of the population of the United States tunes in to MTV for another rage-inducing episode of Jersey Shore, the reality show phenomenon that dumps four “guidos” and four “guidettes” into a share house off the boardwalk of the New Jersey shore and follows them as they drink, dance, and argue their way through another summer. Me, I’ve got a soft spot for the house newest resident, Deena, the self-described “blast in a glass,” who constantly seems to be unlucky in both love and lust while her roommates “get it in” on a near-nightly basis. Those in committed relationships, as absurd as that may seem, don’t seem to mind rubbing their sexual proclivities in Deena’s face, which is exactly what Jenni “JWOWW” Farley did on the most recent episode, The Truth Will Set You Free.

Intent on celebrating her one-year anniversary with muscle-bound boyfriend, Roger, with a night-long romp in the house “smoosh room” (where roommates takes their latest sexual conquests for a bit of privacy), JWOWW dragged her BFF (and America’s punching bag) Snooki to an adult novelty store and stocked up on supplies. Bringing home fake rose petals, bottles of Gatorade, fluffy pink handcuffs, and a Clone-a-Willy kit with which to immortalize Roger’s manhood, JWOWW was ensuring that her man’s jaw would be dragging along the presumably filthy shore house floor all the way to sexual heaven. Two key components of JWOWW’s seductive arsenal were The Screaming O Vibrating Ring and its big brother, The Big O, both of which are award-winning vibrating cock-rings designed to enhance pleasure for both partners when worn at the base of Rog… uh, “the man’s” erection.

These two most important items in her carnal armory we both snatched from a small red-and-white counter display and the company responsible for them, The Screaming O, seems mighty proud to be so blatantly featured on the show. “We’re glad we made it a special night for them,” The Screaming O’s Keith Caggiano told AVN. “The Screaming O helps couples stay connected , and since JWOWW and her boyfriend can’t see each other every day using our relationship tools and fun sexessories will surely keep things interesting.” Ah, “relationship tools,” is that what they’re called by folks in the know?

Shockspot – Now It’s Her Turn

Last week, Mr. Pink’s blog covered a technological innovation that enables men to receive pleasure directly from a real live woman via an Internet connection and a pair of devices: RealTouch and RealTouch JoyStick. To recap, RealTouch Interactive puts a man with his RealTouch sleeve and a woman with her RealTouch JoyStick many miles apart and through the miracle of modern technology allows her to manipulate the joystick how she would manipulate the man’s erection, should they be in the same place. Great news, right? Well, not necessarily for the ladies. They put in all the work and are left holding a now-useless rod of plastic and wires while their partner in the webcam show cleans up and logs off. Typical. Intent on finding something to function much like RealTouch Interactive, but with the immediate benefit affording the woman the heights of ecstasy, I went hunting.

Every adult novelty store, kink boutique, and forum for perversion was a dead-end. Nothing could really come close to RealTouch Interactive. Regardless of dildo size, wattage or voltage, or USB-connectivity, distance still stood in the way of a woman’s pleasure. Then, dear readers, I happened upon it. A hulking beast of machine parts, reconditioned motors, and oil-based lubricants, it’s name? Shockspot. Built to enhance the already immensely pleasurable experience so many women have had riding a Sybian, Shockspot takes the concept of a motorized penetrative pleasure device to a whole new level. With the provided software and a little techno-aptitude, any woman willing to lay down a few grand for a Shockspot can have the device literally fuck her so perfectly she won’t believe it’s not, like, Brad Pitt (or whoever most dames fantasize about these days).

Shockspot’s software (for Windows only) allows the user to customize every three-dimensional movement the machine can make and, planted behind or in front of a desperately horny woman, there’s no limit to the potential thrusting precision and cervix-tapping power of a machine, a monster of metal and circuitry, made to be the ultimate in “fucking machines”. Tailored by the blissed out receiver (and her attached dong or dildo), Shockspot fucks hard or soft, slow or fast, deep or shallow, and vibrates according to whatever its controls are set to. What power! To hold the controls to such a machine in one’s hand and know that, intimacy and commitment issues be damned, you’re about to be plowed and plundered by something far more satisfying than any mere man, far more obedient than some ignorant slob, and as relentless and persistent as any slam-dunking power forward. In short: self-determined sexual bliss.

Ok, so the Shockspot website doesn’t explicitly mention anything about the device being a long-distance-relationship aid or a transcontinental live interactive sex toy, but it’s only a matter of time. I’ve already seen a couple of webcam models who have bought or are planning to buy their very own Shockspot with the intention of allowing their romantically-challenged patrons the chance to man the boards and “fuck” her how they want to. The software isn’t yet publicly available to operate Shockspot in a truly remote sense, but you can be sure it exists, whether at Shockspot HQ or in the backwoods of the sexually-depraved Internet in the hot little code-happy hands of some hacker genius who has no idea the tidal wave of thigh-shuddering orgasms he just unleashed upon a unsuspecting world.

Face it, fellas, with “toys” like this on the market, “toys” that allow women to pound their own pussies in whatever way they please, we’re pretty much future-fucked.