Sex Toys | Mr. Pink's Blog

RealTouch Gets Realer

Remember RealTouch, the male masturbation aid that allegedly feels about as close to actual vaginal penetration as current technologies can offer? Well, it may have impressed you back when it was first announced in 2008, but RealTouch just got a whole lot realer. The latest evolution of the device has been dubbed RealTouch Interactive and it gives the sleeve in which you nervously insert your penis a partner in carnal thrills: RealTouch JoyStick. But what does this allegedly interactivity entail? Couldn’t it be said that the original RealTouch, which reacted to the onscreen movements of your chosen RealTouch pornstar to provide you with a simulated sexual experience with that very woman, was also interactive? In short, dear readers, what gives?

RealTouch Interactive uses the RealTouch sleeve device and a partnered joystick to simulate the physical act of penetrative sex not with a pornstar, but with a real live woman. It works thanks to the miracle of “haptic technology” (whatever that is) and, for example, can provide long-distance couples with a way to keep the flames of passion alive while being out of reach. The woman takes in her hand the JoyStick controller and strokes it in whatever way she sees fit. The guy, on the other hand, seems to have little to do but sit back and let his partner work her manual magic. Man, isn’t this exactly what we’ve all been dreaming about since the very first time we heard about that thing called “virtual reality”?

RealTouch Interactive is currently in beta testing and participation is reserved for those who already own a RealTouch and are members of the RealTouch Network. What those folks who apply and are chosen to participate can expect is a little unclear at the moment. It does appear, though, that RealTouch Interactive can currently only be used, and possibly will only ever be used, for indirect simultaneous physical pleasure bestowed upon the lucky guy by a webcam model. Bummer, dude.

Still, what a world, eh? Who would’ve thought that such an ingenious sexual aid would arrive this early into the 21st Century? Certainly not all those guys out there making do with various homemade masturbation aids like a ziplock back inside a tightly wrapped towel, a toilet paper tube with a wet dish cloth stuffed inside, or, shit, even that well worn hole in the back of their favorite sofa cushion. If only these guys could get in on the RealTouch Interactive beta testing crew and let all of us eager beaverless brothers know how thrilling this latest and greatest virtual sex experience actually feels.

(And, yes, I’m still waiting for RealTouch to throw a porn reviewer a complimentary bone, or, more accurately, somewhere high-tech to shove mine.)

Fleshlight Fucks the iPad

This year, notorious Kevin Smith-endorsed product, Fleshlight, took home two AVN Awards, Best Sex Toy Company – Large, and Best Sex Toy for Men, but the biggest news to come out of Fleshlight HQ of late concerns a brand new attachment that will finally enable Fleshlight users to pound the mouths, pussies, and asses of porn’s hottest women in a far more intimate way than ever before.

Catching the eye of Gizmodo’s Kyle Wagner, a prototype by TV Miller designed to allow the customer to “interactively reach self-gratification, with various prerecorded multimedia designed specifically for the tablet-penis interface,” caused a stir and led to an exploratory article by Wagner that reached Fleshlight HQ down in Austin, Texas. Fleshlight COO Brian Shubin responded by confirming that the product is in development but refused to provide any additional details at this time. “It’s another exciting product we have in development at the moment. We are always looking to improve our user experience and this will be a way to take it to another level.”

Although a release date hasn’t yet been confirmed of even hinted at, Shubin did tell eager technobaters to keep checking back with Fleshlight for updates. Fuckable iPads… who’d a thunk it?! In fact, with a bit of imagination and the right tools, as this photo from Gizmodo commenter Randy Sexer shows, you could already be in vicarious fucking heaven… or something.

World’s Fastest Sex Toy

Multi-speed vibrators were once an impressive feat of manufacturing, but now seem pretty damn dull. In an effort to bring some spectacle back into the sex toy industry and to test out the limits of their Velvet Obsession Bullet, Synergy Erotic strapped their 800-horse-power mini-vibrator into the passenger side of a Dodge Stratus drag-racer. Reaching an amazing 4Gs during launch and set a new landspeed record as the fastest sex toy on the planet. The driver, Lisa Licksalot brought the vehicle to a top speed of 182mph, but the waterproof Bullet never skipped, stalled, or froze, keeping its consistent, powerful vibrations throughout the entire the quarter mile sprint.

Synergy Erotic CEO, Bob Wolf called the experiment “a bold and brazen attempt to fly in the face of all the naysayers who said, nay YELLED, ‘It can’t be done!’ Not only does Synergy Erotic make the finest sex toys known to man, we also make the fastest and quickest. Going out on a limb and proving our point in such a brutal, hazardous environment is what differentiates Synergy Erotic from the competition!”

As for Ms. Licksalot, well, she is reportedly in talks to star in a “tasteful” photoshoot with the surviving Velvet Obsession Bullet, which, although battered and bruised, remains completely functional.

Fucking Punks!

Earlier this week, Mr. Pink’s took a wander through the Burning Angel network in preparation for a slew of new reviews of Joanna and crew’s fantastic punk rock porn sites. The first to receive the full Pink treatment was POV Punx, a site devoted entirely to thrusting you in the virtual hot seat and providing drool-worthy views of Kylee Kross, Misti Dawn, Kleio Valentein and other Burning Angels in scenes of face, snatch, and ass-fucking awesomeness.

Those of you who’ve been paying special attention to recent trends would’ve surely noticed the increased presence of “alternative” girls in porn both softcore and hardcore, on sites like Suicide Girls and God’s Girls, all over the Tumblr-verse, and even on relatively mainstream adult sites like Brazzers and Bang Bros. While Burning Angel is obviously the place to go for hardcore pornstars with tattoos, piercings, and absurdly colored hair, and POV Punx offers as intimate an experience with such girls as the Internet is currently capable of, those who want something a bit more tangible can turn to Nasstoys and its newest male sexual aid products.

FukPussy Pierced Nipples and FukPussy Pierced Vagina might seem like fairly bizarre objects to sink your shaft into but when you consider that they allegedly feel “better than real REALSKIN” and include a push-button bullet vibrator to offer vibrating orgasms, fucking a pierced pile of anatomically inaccurate flesh-colored thermoplastic rubber doesn’t seem like such a bad idea; and, hey, used in conjunction with POV Punx, the FukPussy might have you convinced you’ve just bagged yourself some real goth-punk pussy.