Sex | Mr. Pink's Blog

Cannabis Lube Gets Your Pussy High

Ever since marijuana became a legally acceptable treatment for numerous medical conditions, pot-related entrepreneurs have launched dozens of absurd products. Whiz Khalifa has a line of 100% hemp rolling papers, there’s a Snoop Dogg endorsed vaporizer pen, Tumblr exhibitionists are buying the hell out of Black Milk’s marijuana leaf leggings, and your local dispensary, compassionate care club or provisioning center likely has for sale soaps, salves, balms and trail mix containing potent doses of THC. But now there’s a cannabis product to tantalize an substantially different set of physical stimulus receptors.

Foria, a personal lubricant infused with cannabis, now aims to bring the floaty, giggly, snack-munching sensations you feel after a blunt, doobie, dutchie, dab, bong rip, or vape sesh to the vulvae, labium, clitorii, and vaginal canal of the female stoner. Describing its product as “a therapeutic sensual enhancement oil designed for female pleasure,” the folks at Foria stress that results vary from person to person and you’ll simply have to try the “blend of nourishing liquid coconut oil and lab-tested cannabis oil from California-grown marijuana” to find out if it works for you (or your lady).

Fellas, Foria has a use for you too: oral ingestion. Much like tinctures and hash oil, Foria, a liquid intended not as a direct sexual lubricant but as a pre-lube for use about 30 minutes prior to arousal and activity, can be taken orally to pleasurable effect. The main purpose, however, of this expensive little bottle – Foria runs $80 for a 30ml bottle – is to directly enhance the natural sensations of arousal a woman feels in her nether regions and, in many cases, throughout her entire body. A testimonial from alleged Foria users shows little reservation in singing the product’s praises. Whether you or your lady will be among the acolytes depends, according to Foria’s makers, entirely on your individual reaction to such pre-titilation stimulation. So, it’s like anything else…

Sexercising with K-Y Gel

Friend, do you find yourself run down at the end of a day, heavy with weariness when you should be sliding into bed next to your dearest for a round of “rumpy pumpy”? Is vitality absent from your day long before the arrival of middle-age or late-life? Is your partner as seemingly disinterested in sexual activity as you or are you both content to let the less pressing issues slide so you can meet that work deadline, maintain that respectable bank balance, or finish planning that deck/kitchen/basement renovations that’s been on your minds of late. Perhaps it’s your addiction to digital devices that has you feeling sluggish when bedtime rolls around. Or, as posited by K-Y, makers of personal lubricants galore, perhaps you haven’t been getting enough sexercise.

As the above television and online commercial for K-Y Gel’s Argentinian market tells it, a gym in Buenos Aires collaborated with a K-Y-approved team of leading sexologists, porn performers, and personal trainers, developing an exercise program focused on developing sexual energy, stamina, prowess, and, most importantly, interest. Allegedly running for two months and guiding some 5,000 participants, the gym’s K-Y Sexercise program has an air of inauthenticity about it – this is advertising, after all – add to which my first-hand witnessing of the heightened displays of physio-sexual hyper-confidence and the generally casual attitude with which Portenos (inhabitants of Buenos Aires) approach all things except football, fashion and coffee, makes this whole to-do hard to believe.

Whatever the reality of the situation, encouraging the sexually frustrated or disinterested to use exercise to build both their libidos and their sexual skills can only be a good thing. Now, if only K-Y would co-produce an “instructional” video release that goes through all the ins-and-outs, ups-and-downs of such a workout (and the resulting super-sex) would be just grand.

Kenyan Fisherman’s Wives Predict Downfall of Big Dicks

All those alpha males running around with visible bulges in their trousers, making women of all (adult) ages quiver with a mixture of excitement, intimidation, and overwhelming hunger and fucking up your chances to becoming Mayor of Pussytown are about to get their comeuppance. See, according to a study published earlier this month by PLOSOne entitled “Predictors of Extra-Marital Partnerships among Women Married to Fishermen along Lake Victoria in Kisumu County, Kenya,” the prevalence of infidelity among women (within a six month period) was 6.2%, and 95% of reporting women said they were prompted to engage in extra-marital frivolity because of (wait for it) their husband’s overly large erection.

Along with domestic violence, suspicion of a spouse’s own infidelity, and being denied their preferred sexual position, penis size was among the most commonly reported stated reasons or inductions to martial infidelity amongst these Kenyan communities. And, while you might be thinking, “Who cares? I’m not Kenyan, not a fisherman, and don’t have a giant god-like woody!” you’d be wrong to dismiss this study as inconsequential to your own life. After all, if you’ve ever been spurned by a woman’s cold shoulder simply because your own relatively inadequate manhood couldn’t stand up against another guy’s, your long-gestating revenge is at hand.

“Every one inch longer penis increased the likelihood of women being involved in extra-marital partnership by almost one-and-half times. Women associated large penises with pain and discomfort during sex which precludes the enjoyment and sexual satisfaction that women are supposed to feel,” research revealed, encouraging dismayed micropenises worldwide. One woman participating in the study revealed even more details. telling researchers “Some penis may be large yet my vagina is small, when he tries to insert it inside, it hurts so much that I will have to look for another man who has a smaller one and can do it in a way I can enjoy.”

Science, as everyone knows, is all “theories” and “research” and doesn’t amount to shit. But if it did, anyone with a chip on their shoulder concerning the size of their (and everyone else’s) penis and what it will or will not inspire in a prospective lifelong mate, any guys wishing the most physically blessed of us would stop stealing our thunder and, for once, be on the receiving end of something more severe that diminished blood flow and the occasional erectile problem, this here is the vindication he has sought! They may impress in the locker room and over a bar table of Appletinis, but a giant penis is more likely to leave its lover wanting something more manageable before too long. Whether or not you’ll be there to satisfy at a moments notice, however, is entirely up to you.

Drips of Sweetness, Cum Like Candy

A friend of mine, regaling me with the story of her first experience doling out fellatio, once told me that ejaculate tasted like “egg white and seawater.” As appetizing as that cocktail may seem to a few, the taste of ejaculate is often cited as a reason some women and men are reluctant to open their mouths for their semen-filled lovers. Some foods can alter the taste – pineapple juice makes it sweeter; asparagus should be avoided at all costs – but that wasn’t enough for the creative geniuses behind Florida-based manufacturer of sexual wellness products, HiPleasures. The crew’s latest creation promises to lighten the heavier tastes in your load for a sugary sweet deposit that should have any would-be sucker heading back for seconds. And, get this, it’s called Sugar Cum!

Sugar Cum contains “Proprietary Blend 650mg, Pineapple Extract, Acai Extract, Papaya Extract, Wheatgrass Extract & cinnamon,” and vows to enhance the flavor not only of male ejaculate, but of female genital discharges, too! Priced at $5.99 per two-pill pack, Sugar Cum is something of a luxury purchase aimed at those either desperate to convince their partner for more frequent oral sex or considerate enough to surprise their partner with an after-dinner treat that doesn’t involve frozen yogurt with mounds of toppings. That said, couldn’t you just hit the Jamba Juice before meeting your date or encourage her to drink Cape Cods and not Black Russians? The folks at both Cosmopolitan UK and Jezebel seem to think it’s a worthwhile tool to try. After all, a number of commenters complained about the taste of their own vaginal discharges, so you can imagine what their partners must’ve thought mid-lap!

The contents of Sugar Cum capsules can be dissolved in water for easy consumption and can be purchased directly from HiPleasures.