Hollywood’s Backend: Analysis From an Unconventional Assman

Ever since Jennifer Lopez’s singing career first exploded into the North American mainstream media, nobody really seems to care that much about tits anymore. Sure, you and I and every Joe Schmoe from Anchorage to Albuquerque still loves a nice pair of chest-mounted fleshy orbs, but it seems the most focus is these days falling lower on the female physical form – to the ass. Some expected the mass amounts of attention devoted to the rear end of Kim Kardashian would be the peak of Hollywood’s ass fever, but then came such notable white girl booties as those of Jessica Biel, Fergie, Jessica Alba, Kate Beckinsale, and Jennifer Aniston. Clearly asses are where it’s at.

But here at Mr. Pink’s we like to give the underdogs a shot. There are, after all, plenty of talented women in the entertainment industry that are blithely discarded from the ‘sexy’ pile and lumped into the ‘smart’ one, never to grace the pages of Maxim unless they’re there ironically. Actor, writer, and champion of home entertaining culture, Amy Sedaris, for one, is rarely regarded as anything but the funny lady from Strangers With Candy. Given the chance, though, Ms. Sedaris can shake her ass like nobody’s business, as this clip from Late Night with Jimmy Fallon proves.

Another under-appreciated derriere in Tinsel Town belongs to 90s teen movie also-ran, Mena Sevari. Although she’s been out of the spotlight for a number of years, Suvari hasn’t let her rear guard down, keeping male fans interested enough to post, repost, and rerepost paparazzi-shot bikini photos from her seemingly endless stream of beachfront vacations.

What of it, readers? Got any under-appreciated celebrity rumps needing more exposure? Leave a comment and let Mr. Pink see what he can drum up. Badoom-boom!

Dr. Suzy’s Filly Harem

Dr. Susan BlockInternationally renowned sexologist, author, advocate, and all ‘round swell woman, Dr. Susan Block is tonight hosting another of her weekly live broadcasts from her Womb Room studio in downtown Los Angeles and, like most of her shows, this one looks like a hot ‘n’ horny hootenanny if ever there was one. Joining Dr. Suzy for the live radio and webcam video show tonight is Rebekah Nazarian, general manager of the lesbian adult entertainment company Filly Films, and two of her most prominent performers, Sinn Sage and Dana Vespoli. Talking to AVN, Nazarian calls Dr. Block someone she can look up to, saying she sees her as “one of those ‘Kinsey Revolutionary’ type of people.” Clearly a little intimidated and nervous, Nazarian also speaks of Dr. Suzy’s request for her to bring a strap-on dildo to the broadcast, not to giveaway, but hopefully to incorporate it into the show, which will also feature pornstars Sasha Sweet and Sheena Ryder, both of whom would most likely be quite at home strapping on a fake dick and going to town.

As no stranger to controversy herself, Dr. Suzy often invites on her show guests that would otherwise miss such an important chance to discuss their (usually) unusual field of expertise. Tonight’s show will welcome transsexual porno superstar and equestrian, Morgan Bailey, and an anonymous “Saudi dignitary” whose identity will not be revealed to ensure his safety from prosecution. And, in a week that has already seen Iranian actress Marzieh Vafamehr sentenced to a year in jail and 90 lashes for appearing in Iranian-Australian film “My Tehran For Sale” without a traditional hijab head covering, such a threat seems very, very real. Intense stuff!

Like all of Dr. Suzy’s Speakeasy shows, those in the Los Angeles area can attend. For ticket information, follow this link and, like Dr Suzy always says “make love, not war” and do it the Bonobo Way.

Annie Cruz’s Indie Adventure

Annie CruzAnnie Cruz might be best known as one of porn’s baddest bitches – being one of Kink.com’s most impressive resident dommes will do that to your reputation – but the Filipino fuck-fiend has also got a soft spot for some good ol’ indie rock! Ex-Pavement frontman, Stephen Malkmus, with his band The Jicks and Tenacious D’s Jack Black (in acting mode) are among Cruz’s latest co-stars, but no, this isn’t an indie-rock porno. Cast in Malkmus’s latest video, “Senator”, from his Minor Traffic album, Cruz plays a suitably sexy partygoer that encounters Jack Black’s schmoozing, boozing Senatorial candidate at a party and presumably proves the songs chorus “What the Senator wants is a blowjob,” to be undeniably accurate.

“Senator”, a politically-charged tune that features such pseudo-nonsensical lines as “heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy smelter – fuck it!”, isn’t Cruz’s first flirtation with the non-mainstream edge of an industry. Since 2009 she has only been shooting scenes and photosets for her self-maintained website instead of whoring herself out to the majors – something Malkmus’s former band, Pavement, also refused to do. Even in the regularly disparaged porn business, Cruz is known her doing things her own way and being unafraid of confrontation. Her blog, Memoirs of the Damned, reads like a punk/goth slut’s defensive diatribe against the small-minded, sexually insecure, dolts who can’t handle a sexually aggressive woman making a living doing what she loves. And, like the best work of all artists, that’s some inspiring shit.

A for Anal, L for London

L for LondonHot on the heels of Asa Akira’s first double-anal scene in Elegant Angel’s Asa Akira is Insatiable 2, another fan-favorite Asian-American pornstar is giving up her rear passage, this time losing her onscreen anal virginity in the process. London Keyes, the 22-year-old from Seattle has been active since 2008 but had held out for years, resisting fans request for a hardcore boy/girl anal scene. L for London, directed by Jonni Darkko and now available online and in stores from Evil Angel, offers these fans what they’ve been waiting for. London’s first self-led feature release, L for London presents the tattooed, pierced stunner and her incredible body in nine scenes of hardcore fuck action, and the first co-stars Asa Akira herself. Initially the duo keep it sapphic with Asa taking her time stretching London’s ass with a huge black double-dong and giving her hole a tongue bath in preparation for what’s to come: Manuel Ferrara. Known for his assfucking talents, good ol’ Manny services both London and Asa beautifully, making London’s first anal scene a roaring success that simply must be seen in the 1080p High Definition format Evil Angel’s website exclusively provides.

Although such a rousing start to L for London is tough to beat, the thick-bodied beauty gives it a shot anyway. Following her anal debut with a three-guy blowbang, an interracial threesome, an anal masturbation scene aided by her director, her first pairing with the immense talent of Lexington Steele, and even bigger blowbang, a strap-on scene with Jayden Jaymes, and a double blowjob accompanied by Mia Lelani before ending on a fantastic note with a very, very sloppy deepthroat and titty-fucking scene with Darkko, complete with plenty of juicy foot-play and great POV close-ups of London’s gorgeous natural rack, there couldn’t possibly be a better way for fans of this incomparable Asian slut to enjoy her blistering sexuality.

L for London is now available in stores and online at Jonni Darkko XXX, Evil Angel and Videobox. Although the latter site is the only one of the two to offer every scene, those with Evil Angel and Jonni Darkko XXX memberships – which can be had for just $14.95 thanks to Mr. Pink’s discount – will have one new scene added each week until mid-November and, as they’re exclusively available in stunning 720p and 1080p HD resolutions from Evil Angel, all London Keyes fans should rush on over and see just how far their favorite young pornstar has come. I know I’m impressed!

The Pineapple Express Medicine Show

Pineapple ExpressPlenty of guys have been in a near-win situation only to have it cut short by their girl protesting “But it tastes like egg white and seawater!” Refusing to swallow or even taste semen isn’t that uncommon amongst sexually active women and the bitterness is often the cause of their reluctance. But wouldn’t all your mouth-fucking dreams come true if your cum tasted sweet and delicious? It has been said that drinking a few liters of pineapple juice would do the trick, but the folks at Marco Labs Inc. have come up with a solution that won’t have you pissing fragrantly for days on end, and better yet, they’ve bottled it and given it a catchy slogan: Take the Funk Out of Spunk!

Pineapple Express, a new dietary supplement intended to, simply put, make your cum taste better, was launched by Marco Labs to rousing reception at July’s AVN Novelty Expo in Pasadena California and is now on the verge of entering a brick and mortar retail space near you. So, what’s the deal and how does it work?

Packed into each Pineapple Express pill is “a mixture of protein-digesting enzymes” called proteolytic enzymes or proteases: Stem bromelain and Fruit bromelain (extracts from the plant family Bromeliaceae, of which the pineapple is one member). Allegedly, if a user were to take one pill twice a day with food, effects should be noticeable in a little as two weeks. While the company’s FAQ admits “Pineapple Express doesn’t claim to make your cum taste sweet,” and that it’s purpose is instead to remove bitterness, there are other ways to produce that same effect. Cutting down on caffeine, tobacco, alcohol, red meat, and spicy food can decrease the unpleasantness your partner might experience when you blow in her mouth. But then, bro, without such unhealthy masculine delights as beer and BBQ, where would our manhood be, huh?