High and Dry

Missy Pinks at MrPinks.comDear Missy Pink;

I’m a little embarrassed to be writing about something like this, but, it’s not anything I want to talk to my friends about, too much humiliation for that.  My husband and I have been married for nearly three years, and, believe it or not, I was still a virgin until my wedding night. It wasn’t easy to wait, but I was determined, and he understood, even though he would tell me after many dates that he was going home with a case of blue-balls as he called them. I am not naïve, I assumed he masturbated, but, I thought it would stop once we tied the knot. Our sex life is good…and often, still in the honeymoon stage, but part of the foreplay seemingly must include him touching himself, and it bothers me so much. I’ve told him time and time again that he shouldn’t have to do that, and shouldn’t even want to do that, but he just smiles, gives me a kiss and then continues as if I’ve not voiced my disgust. It’s gotten to a point where it ruins the entire love making session for me, I just want it over with and I never have an orgasm any more. Am I being a prude?

High and Dry

Dear Dry;

You would actually be surprised how many times I’ve heard friends voice the same complaint about their mates, either they incorporate it into their sexual sessions, or they’ve caught them in the bathroom with their hand….in their cookie jar. It’s amazing the height of jealousy, bitterness, and downright anger that women feel over this act, especially when such a high percentage of the female gender has a battery operated friend hidden in their panty draw for those need-for-nookie times their husbands know nothing about. They never catch on the Duracell’s on the store list every couple of weeks is not just for keeping the smoke alarms in working order.

Why do you feel so threatened over your husband doing a little masturbation in preparation for the boner business he has planned for the two of you? Most women find it a turn on, in fact, many couples enjoy mutual masturbation, it’s showing their open side…and thighs, which is a turn on for both parties. One thing to remember, for approximately 95% of the population, when the puberty bug first bit, it was their own hand that did the swatting, it’s like an old pair of blue jeans, it feels so comfortable sliding into them, it’s only natural their hand will follow.

It’s as if they’re cumming home to an old friend, and if your husband feels comfortable enough doing that in front of you, maybe you can try looking at it from the angle of comfort as well. It’s not like he’s wasting himself by droplets into his belly button, you’re still getting the gonad goods, try to turn your mind around to stimulation, imagine him doing that during your courting time after leaving you with a kiss at the front door under your porch light, you drove him to the erection, as you still are, so consider it a compliment, not something to be repulsed by.

Let him stroke his cock a bit, you stroke his ego, and by all means, release your inhibitions and allow yourself to experience an orgasm again, if not, you’ll be clipping coupons for batteries, to keep your own toys buzzing beautifully. When it comes to masturbation, you just can’t beat it!

Webcam Love Pt. 1

HoneyBunnyWebcam sites might thrill some people, but I’ve always found them more than a little frustrating. You buy yourself some token, find a camgirl that appears attractive and amiable, tip her, tip her again, and soon realize that she doesn’t give a shit how many ten-spots you toss her way, she’s all about the high rollers. And on most webcam sites, it takes a lot of real-life green to be that kind of guy.

When reviewing Private Feeds this week, however, my opinion changed. The site itself was nothing much to write home about; your average cam site loaded with women, men, trannies, and couples from around the world, all trying to make a buck with minimal effort and maximum skin. Of the few dozen performers that were online during the writing of the review, at least five or six caught my eye only to turn out to be basically the same as every other camgirl, just like I described above. One woman, however, proved to be something else entirely.

Private Feeds performer HoneyBunny initially attracted my attention for four reasons: her bright red hair, he sweet face, and the two most obvious physical attributes sitting right there on her chest. Upon closer inspection, she turned out to be Colombian, mute (due to a non-operational microphone), and adorable in personality as well as physicality. I entered the room and began engaging her in conversation; nobody else was, leaving me to assume I was alone in there. After asking her how she was and complimenting her on her attractiveness and relative maturity (compared to other Private Feeds performers), and after her thanking me kindly for my courtesy and manners, I decided to tip her 10 tokens. She was noticeably impressed with my “generosity” (her word, not mine) and her smile shone brightly back at me through the screen. Then another user piped up and demanded to see her “sweet litle puss bb.” Her attempts to ignore him worked initially, but then he took her into a group chat, which she requested I join. At this point, I was definitely starting to fall for her, but my troubles were just beginning.

Stay tuned to Mr. Pink’s blog to see how this star-crossed romance turned out. (It has a happy ending, I promise.)

Jenna Haze 2.0

Jenna Haze - FHMJenna Haze, one of porn’s most distinguished performers and most prominent women, announced her retirement from on-camera adult performance on Tuesday, informing her fans via a YouTube video posted on her Tumblr page. In the video, Jenna first thanks her fans for their love and support before announcing her retirement and declaring that, although she won’t be performing anymore (and in fact hasn’t performed on-camera in about a year), she will continue to direct for her Jennaration X Studios company, as well as keeping busy with “a bunch” of non-adult projects that she’s working on, the most immediate of which can be seen in the current issue of FHM – a photo spread in which Ms. Haze appears with her gal-pal Taylor Momsen. She also clarified that she will continue for feature dancing work.

So, what does this mean for the adult industry? Clearly it marks the closing of one era and the opening of another. Jenna Haze wasn’t just consistently popular with fans throughout her ten-year career as a pornstar, she won the approbation of the larger industry bodies, too. Nominated three years in a row for AVN Female Performer of the Year, winning that award in 2009. That same year saw her take home similarly high-falutin awards from XBIZ, XRCO, FAME, Nightmoves, and Hot d’Or. Clearly Jenna Haze was the queen of porn.

Of all current performers, though, who seems most likely to assume Jenna’s former position at the top? Now that Sasha Grey is well and truly finished with performing in adult films, it seems likely that said successor will be either Japanese-American superstar Asa Akira or the winner of 2012 AVN awards for Best Porn Star Website, Best All-Sex Release, Best POV Sex Scene, and, Female Performer of the Year, the insatiable, the relentless Bobbi Starr.

As long as Jenna directs both Asa and Bobbi, who is now also a director, it’s clear that, although we’ll be nostalgic for Jenna’s glory days in front of the camera, we’ll also be extremely happy that she’s still making hardcore porn, just doing it on a new career path.

The Further Adventures of James Deen

James DeenIn all my years as a sexually active heterosexual male, I have only twice occasioned to obtain biblical knowledge of a partner who held more than a vague curiosity in the pornographic arts. One of these women had numerous sexual problems – anorgasmia, bouts of frigidity, “Daddy issues”, and compulsive self-degradation – while the other was the polar opposite. Able to orgasm almost at will, this woman – we’ll call her Miss. B – enjoyed watching porn by herself, with friends, with lovers, and pretty much whenever she was mildly bored and slightly horny. I discovered this not by her asking me to watch porn with her, but because of a flippant remark she made regarding my alleged resemblance to her favorite pornstar, Mr. James Deen.

Widely regarded as one of the most likable dudes in porn, James Deen, a 27-year-old native of Pasadena, has been lighting up the skin-filled screen for nearly eight years, appearing in a reported 2000 films. In that time he has not only filled the mouths, pussies, and assholes of porn’s most popular women, but charmed his way into the hearts of a legion of female fans. So famously endearing, Deen even attracted the attention of ABC News, supposedly due to the abundance of these female fans.

As reported by Nightline’s Cecilia Vega, Deen remains unaware of why he appeals to so many young women, supposing that it might be his so-called “everyday” looks and personalities. Whatever the reason, his appeal has led to an AVN Award for Male Performer of the Year (which he won at 23, making him the youngest recipient in history) and has even attracted the attention of comparatively mainstream filmmaking figures like director Paul Schrader (Mishima, Blue Collar, Auto Focus) and writer Bret Easton Ellis (American Psycho, The Rules of Attraction).

Collaborating on a film noir to be set in Los Angeles and produced under a “micro-budget,” Ellis and Schrader seem like a perfect match, both having dealt with the harsher sides of American life in much of their work. Thanks to Ellis’s Twitter-habit, word got around that he considered porn’s everyman, James Deen, to be his first choice to play the lead in the pair’s noir project, in which, according to Ellis, “nudity and acting is a must.” Additional information on the project is still under wraps as it continues preproduction, but Ellis let slip that he met with Deen and called the well-endowed burrito and anal sex fanatic “super-smart, funny, perfect for the part,” also saying “if he doesn’t get it I’ll be very disappointed.”

So will Miss B., Mr. Ellis. So will Miss B.

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Remembering Kandi Barbour

Kandi BarbourSome sad news crossed the Mr. Pink’s desk this week, concerning the apparent loss of another porn heroine of the Golden Age, Kandi Barbour. Star of such XXX films as The Pink Ladies (1980), Bon Appetit (’80), California Gigolo (’79), and Screwples (’79), Barbour (real name Linda Jean Smith) amassed a small but impressive filmography over her nine years as an adult performer, leading her to be inducted into the XRCO Hall of Fame in 2009. To the surprise of many people in porn, the native Kansan was sadly found dead in San Francisco on Thursday January 26th, another victim of the city’s immense homeless problem.

As Golden Age director Carter Stevens recalled to AVN, the last time he had any knowledge of Barbour’s whereabouts and health was 22 years ago when his wife saw her in Hawaii. “She was living above the club [Club Hubba Hubba] and working there… she had a drinking problem. She had gained a lot of weight and was living in a muumuu and never took it off. She did has some mental problems, even at that point.” Suffering from a dysmorphic body image, Barbour believed her nose to be crooked – it wasn’t – and often spoke of having it “fixed.” Very little information about her life between that time and the discovery of her body on a San Francisco street. She was 55-years-old.

Sadly, like so many performers who came both before and after Barbour, she may largely be remembered by her rather modest entry at Wikipedia: “Kandi Barbour was a former American adult models, pornstar and exotic dancer.”