LA Weekly Names 10 Next Big Things

Veruca James
Veruca James – W.B. Fontenot

Los Angeles’ lauded free press staple, L.A. Weekly, has once again run some numbers, crunched some factoids, and come up with an intriguing assessment of the current state of porn. Or, more accurately, at what the current state of porn says about the future state of porn. And, to do so, it looked to the past, to Jenna Jameson.

Jenna Jameson was arguably the first bona fide crossover celebrity to bridge the gap between the adult and mainstream entertainment worlds. Although some earlier stars were more notorious within the contemporaneous culture (Linda Lovelace) and others managed to move from one industry to the other with some success (Traci Lords), it wasn’t until Jenna Jameson retired from performing in adult movies in 2008. Some thought it’d be the end of her career. Man, were they wrong! Fashion modeling, a New York Times Best Seller biography, PETA campaigns, and a budding media empire had Jenna’s profile higher than ever.

Now, L.A. Weekly offers its predictions as to who’ll be the next hot new thing to make waves in the mainstream, and the ten women they’ve selected share as many similarities as they have differences.

Who do you think will be the next pornstar to infiltrate to mainstream and eventually gain acceptance, nose-ring-wearing, hula-hoop-loving Remy LaCroix, the classically bottle-blonde and bodacious Alexis Monroe, 2013 XBIZ Award winning Best New Starlet Riley Reid, 18-year-old Floridian Staci Silverstone, former reality TV starlet and current UCLA student Tasha Reign, heavily tatted newcomer Bonnie Rotten, CPA-cum-alt.porn wunderkind Veruca James, 2013 AVN Female Performer of the Year Skin Diamond, former webcam model Lily Carter, or bubble-butted Annika Albrite?

Fuck to Play: Negotiating a Record Deal with Life Selector – Pt. 3

So, I’m trying to fuck band manager Simony Diamond and have her sign my garage band to one hell of a deal, but she’s reluctant. Why? ‘Cause I’m a godawful guitar player who jumps ahead, pulling out his dick when nothing positive, not even your most basic pleasantry, has been exchanged. Simony already rejected me once, but thanks to Life Selector’s resume/revise options, I can take a few steps back and adjust my tactics.

Instead of whipping it out as abruptly as Eddie Murphy does in Bowfinger when cornering those saucy Lakers Girls, this time I play it more cool, letting my fingers wander up Simony’s thigh. Now, this is clearly more her speed! Parting her legs and quickening her breathing, she’s reacting just as I’d hoped she would. I can’t stop there, though, not with a woman this incredibly seductive at my virtual fingertips. Life Selector presents a choice: a twix attack (two fingers, two holes) or grabbing a finger-sized vibe to help my would-be Svengali cum. Since I’m trying to land myself a killer deal and a platinum record or ten, I opt for the later. She cums hard, gasping for air as her thighs quiver. So far, so good.

Now she wants to, in the words of Dirk Diggler, “feel my heat”. I’m not even given an option here, it’s fuck or nothing, so I fuck. Missionary and doggy are my position options, but I can also fuck her anally, grab that vibe and make her cum again, or skip straight to my own climax; where’s the fun in that? Do I spend the eight additional token it’ll cost to butt-fuck this Hungarian rock exec? How do I know she won’t freak out and show me the door? I suppose I don’t and won’t unless I take the rear-passage plunge, so I dump my tokens and am instantly inside her ass, plugging away.

Strangely, this immediate leap to the next selected activity can make Life Selector feel less than truly interactive porn and more like a selection of clips that play at a moment’s notice, ’cause that’s exactly what it is. After pounding her ass for a while, I decide it’s time to blow this joint (so to speak) and hit the ‘Cumming’ button. Suddenly she’s not on her back but her knees and I’m not fucking her ass but her pussy. How did this happen? What smooth line did I attempt while turning her over? These are the little erotic treasures missing from Life Selector. Even if the life you desire is filled with impersonal romps with complete strangers who are just as likely to dismiss you as they are bend over and grab their ankles, don’t you want to experience the little things? Isn’t it just like Al Pacino’s Ricky Roma tells a client in Glengarry Glen Ross? That of the great fucks you may have had, the thing you remember probably isn’t your orgasm; it’s something her hair did, something she said… the things Life Selector seems to be missing.

Whatever the case, fucking Simony Diamond in the ass got me and my bandmates to our first show. Check out these adoring fans!

concert for Mr. Pink's

But with the burning need for mass adoration driving me back to the garage to practice and dream, what’s next for the guitar-slinging, groupie-fucking, Madison Square Garden-filling Mr. Pink?

Ass or Artwork? You Be the Judge!

MrPinksBreast implants are so prevalent in the adult entertainment industry that it’s far more surprising to find a successful, popular pornstar whose breasts haven’t been adjusted or augmented by a surgeon. Inflated lips are also quite common – Angelina Valentine, Andi Anderson, Amy Brooke, Ava Devine et al. But what of that other all-important body part, the on so many pornstars thrust toward camera at every opportunity? What, dear reader, about artificially enhanced rear ends?

After trawling the message boards of numerous popular adult sites, including Adult DVD Talk and FreeOnes, I came up with a list of women who’ve allegedly gone under the knife to pump up their asses and cement their positions as PAWG (Phat Ass White Girls). Or, more accurately, I came up with a pictorial assemblage of booties for you to inspect and determine, without knowing the owner, whether they’ve been hand-crafted by the finest cosmetic artisans in the surgery business or they’re all-natural gifts of genetic circumstance.

bunch of asses

Any readers who Tweet me their verdict for Most Obviously Enhanced Ass in Porn as well as name of said ass’s owner will win a coveted Mr. Pink’s No-Pri… uh, Anti-Prize! (Yeah, take that, Marvel copyright enforcers!) So get to observin’, assessin’ and Tweetin’, buttmen!

Fuckin’ Like a Rock Star with Life Selector – Pt. 2

Simony Diamond“Rock chicks like it rough, don’t they?” With that and my desire to entertain thousands at the biggest stadiums in the country in mind, I chose to pull the hair of my very first groupie mid-blowjob. The young lady doing the blowing, the one I previously identified as Simony Diamond, is in fact someone else entirely. (Life Selector isn’t as clear as it should be when identifying its models.) Whoever she is, her accent is trés sexy, her fashion sense is somewhere between Avril Lavigne and Jenna Haze in groupie mode, and she seemed to respond well to my virtual hair-pulling; so well that she’s decided something else is in order. Now, do I want a handjob (nah), to explode on her face (maybe) or fill her mouth with my seed (perhaps). For visual flair, I’ll choose a facial. And with that, dear reader, I blast my nameless first groupie from brow to chin, huffing and puffing as I make my deposit. She seems satisfied enough, but I’ve still got rock star dreams to fulfill. Which brings me to (the real) Simony Diamond.

Reclining on a sofa, tattoos on full display, iPhone (in KISS case) in her hand, texting, band manager Simony Diamond looks up to greet me.
“Hi, I’ve heard about you,” she says in a thick Hungarian accent and pointing to a purple Gibson Les Paul, she asks to be shown some of my skills. From the way she continues texting and occasionally rolling her eyes, I can tell she’s not an fan of poorly composed, inauthentic sounding midi-guitar. Another choice appears: Do I show her my “finger technique” or impress her with “my other great skill” (a.k.a.: my dick!)?

This being the virtual fulfillment of my destiny, I pull my dick out and expect her to leap on it. After all, it’s a pretty hefty thing and she doesn’t seem that enthralled in her heavy metal magazine. With my cock out and erect, I sit there on the sofa before the incredible Simony Diamond. She bolts upright! “Hey, go out, motherfucker!” she yells, pointing towards the door. “Shit! Go out!”

I blew it, folks, but thanks to Life Selector’s resumable, amendable storylines, I can simply jump back to the beginning, follow the same path as before and simply pick an alternate option at the moment of crisis.

Join me next week as I endeavor to not only nail that contract but Ms. Diamond, too.

Remembering Harry Reems

Harry Reams

Linda Lovelace is likely the only name most people associate with the notorious Deep Throat, the movie that made her oral abilities legend and thrust hardcore porn into the popular culture for more than 40 years (and counting!), but there’s one man without whom Linda’s legend, the movie’s notoriety and infamy, and the porn world as we know it would be immeasurably different. That man, Harry Reems, on March 19th, 2013 in Salt Lake City VA Hospital passed away at age 65 after battling a number of health problems and falling into a coma on March 15th.

Reems was born Herbert Stricher in 1947 in the Bronx, N.Y. and remained unknown to the world at large until 1972’s Deep Throat and 1973’s The Devil in Miss Jones had him, under Gerard Damaino’s direction, helping Lovelace prove her oral mettle by use of his own impressive appendage. Deep Throat also created one of the most notorious obscenity furors in American history, resulting in many districts banning exhibition of the film. in 1975, agents arrested Reems in New York and he was indicted on federal charges of conspiracy to distribute obscenity across state lines in a Memphis, Tennessee court. Convicted in April 1976, Reems was later released after his conviction was overturned on appeal in 1977.

After years of abusing drugs and alcohol, inspired by a Reverend in Park City, Utah, Reems entered recovery at the dawn of the 90s. A newly married man and fresh convert to Christianity, Reems, who continued to use that name given to him by his Deep Throat director for the rest of his life, remained in Park City with his wife, Jeanne Sterret, until his death and never disowned or tried to distance himself completely from his most notorious film. He even spoke with the Salt Lake Tribune about the film, its legacy, and ‘Lovelace’, the Amanda Seyfreid-starring biopic of his controversial co-star that recently swept through his adopted hometown as part of the Sundance Film Festival.

Harry Reems 1947 – 2013.