LA Weekly Names 10 Next Big Things

Veruca James
Veruca James – W.B. Fontenot

Los Angeles’ lauded free press staple, L.A. Weekly, has once again run some numbers, crunched some factoids, and come up with an intriguing assessment of the current state of porn. Or, more accurately, at what the current state of porn says about the future state of porn. And, to do so, it looked to the past, to Jenna Jameson.

Jenna Jameson was arguably the first bona fide crossover celebrity to bridge the gap between the adult and mainstream entertainment worlds. Although some earlier stars were more notorious within the contemporaneous culture (Linda Lovelace) and others managed to move from one industry to the other with some success (Traci Lords), it wasn’t until Jenna Jameson retired from performing in adult movies in 2008. Some thought it’d be the end of her career. Man, were they wrong! Fashion modeling, a New York Times Best Seller biography, PETA campaigns, and a budding media empire had Jenna’s profile higher than ever.

Now, L.A. Weekly offers its predictions as to who’ll be the next hot new thing to make waves in the mainstream, and the ten women they’ve selected share as many similarities as they have differences.

Who do you think will be the next pornstar to infiltrate to mainstream and eventually gain acceptance, nose-ring-wearing, hula-hoop-loving Remy LaCroix, the classically bottle-blonde and bodacious Alexis Monroe, 2013 XBIZ Award winning Best New Starlet Riley Reid, 18-year-old Floridian Staci Silverstone, former reality TV starlet and current UCLA student Tasha Reign, heavily tatted newcomer Bonnie Rotten, wunderkind Veruca James, 2013 AVN Female Performer of the Year Skin Diamond, former webcam model Lily Carter, or bubble-butted Annika Albrite?

Fuck to Play: Negotiating a Record Deal with Life Selector – Pt. 3

So, I’m trying to fuck band manager Simony Diamond and have her sign my garage band to one hell of a deal, but she’s reluctant. Why? ‘Cause I’m a godawful guitar player who jumps ahead, pulling out his dick when nothing positive, not even your most basic pleasantry, has been exchanged. Simony already rejected me once, but thanks to Life Selector’s resume/revise options, I can take a few steps back and adjust my tactics.

Instead of whipping it out as abruptly as Eddie Murphy does in Bowfinger when cornering those saucy Lakers Girls, this time I play it more cool, letting my fingers wander up Simony’s thigh. Now, this is clearly more her speed! Parting her legs and quickening her breathing, she’s reacting just as I’d hoped she would. I can’t stop there, though, not with a woman this incredibly seductive at my virtual fingertips. Life Selector presents a choice: a twix attack (two fingers, two holes) or grabbing a finger-sized vibe to help my would-be Svengali cum. Since I’m trying to land myself a killer deal and a platinum record or ten, I opt for the later. She cums hard, gasping for air as her thighs quiver. So far, so good.

Now she wants to, in the words of Dirk Diggler, “feel my heat”. I’m not even given an option here, it’s fuck or nothing, so I fuck. Missionary and doggy are my position options, but I can also fuck her anally, grab that vibe and make her cum again, or skip straight to my own climax; where’s the fun in that? Do I spend the eight additional token it’ll cost to butt-fuck this Hungarian rock exec? How do I know she won’t freak out and show me the door? I suppose I don’t and won’t unless I take the rear-passage plunge, so I dump my tokens and am instantly inside her ass, plugging away.

Strangely, this immediate leap to the next selected activity can make Life Selector feel less than truly interactive porn and more like a selection of clips that play at a moment’s notice, ’cause that’s exactly what it is. After pounding her ass for a while, I decide it’s time to blow this joint (so to speak) and hit the ‘Cumming’ button. Suddenly she’s not on her back but her knees and I’m not fucking her ass but her pussy. How did this happen? What smooth line did I attempt while turning her over? These are the little erotic treasures missing from Life Selector. Even if the life you desire is filled with impersonal romps with complete strangers who are just as likely to dismiss you as they are bend over and grab their ankles, don’t you want to experience the little things? Isn’t it just like Al Pacino’s Ricky Roma tells a client in Glengarry Glen Ross? That of the great fucks you may have had, the thing you remember probably isn’t your orgasm; it’s something her hair did, something she said… the things Life Selector seems to be missing.

Whatever the case, fucking Simony Diamond in the ass got me and my bandmates to our first show. Check out these adoring fans!

concert for Mr. Pink's

But with the burning need for mass adoration driving me back to the garage to practice and dream, what’s next for the guitar-slinging, groupie-fucking, Madison Square Garden-filling Mr. Pink?

Ass or Artwork? You Be the Judge!

MrPinksBreast implants are so prevalent in the adult entertainment industry that it’s far more surprising to find a successful, popular pornstar whose breasts haven’t been adjusted or augmented by a surgeon. Inflated lips are also quite common – Angelina Valentine, Andi Anderson, Amy Brooke, Ava Devine et al. But what of that other all-important body part, the on so many pornstars thrust toward camera at every opportunity? What, dear reader, about artificially enhanced rear ends?

After trawling the message boards of numerous popular adult sites, including Adult DVD Talk and FreeOnes, I came up with a list of women who’ve allegedly gone under the knife to pump up their asses and cement their positions as PAWG (Phat Ass White Girls). Or, more accurately, I came up with a pictorial assemblage of booties for you to inspect and determine, without knowing the owner, whether they’ve been hand-crafted by the finest cosmetic artisans in the surgery business or they’re all-natural gifts of genetic circumstance.

bunch of asses

Any readers who Tweet me their verdict for Most Obviously Enhanced Ass in Porn as well as name of said ass’s owner will win a coveted Mr. Pink’s No-Pri… uh, Anti-Prize! (Yeah, take that, Marvel copyright enforcers!) So get to observin’, assessin’ and Tweetin’, buttmen!