Boning-Up on V-Day Porn

Once the end-of-year holiday and sales bonanza has died down a little, store shelves lose their sparkling tinsel and multi-colored string lights for a decidedly more passionate hue: the red of eroticism, lustful fervor, and, yes, love most of all. In honor of the Roman Catholic patron of love, the engaged, and the married (as well as bee keepers, fainters, and epileptics, strangely enough), Valentinus of Rome, better known as Saint Valentine, February 14th is celebrated around the world by lovers, suitors, couples, and, in some rather odd ways, the lonely. You, wherever you fall on that spectrum of amorous satisfaction, have been blessed by the porn gods this year and can spend your Valentine’s Day “brief period of self-reflection” to abuse yourself with the following smutty V-day episodes:

– The first of three Brazzers scenes focusing on Valentine’s Day carnality hit Big Tits at School a few days ago and saw relatively new cocksman Jessy Jones reap the benefits of some lessons given to his anally inclined girlfriend Alby Rhydes by her teacher Alura Jensen, both of whom receive him in all passages for a V-day he’ll not soon forget.

Alby Rhydes and Alura Jensen

– Over at Mommy Got Boobs, the incomparable Julia Ann offers her stepson (Jessy Jones again) a sample of what his dad’s been getting and teaches him a number of lessons in how to please a woman so he doesn’t take his girlfriend out for a lovely Valentine’s Night dinner only to end up in Dumpsville.

Julia Ann

– Devon, the legendary blonde who recently returned to porn, is working late on V-day. Clearly pissed about her situation, she decides to simply make the most of her coworker Toni Ribas, who responds to her flashing by thrusting his instant erection into Devon’s throat, snatch, and asshole, because, as Brazzers says, “Valentine’s Day is all about spreading the love!”

Devon Big Tits at Work

– With most other significant sites and networks totally dropping the ball this year and apparently not bothering with Valentine’s Day at all, it has been left to the (kinda, sorta, maybe) amateurs to do things right: Home of the brightly-lit close-up POV blowjob, Amateur Allure is running a Valentine’s Day promotion that offers discounted monthly access ($25 down from $36) and the chance to see Kennedy Leigh 2014 AVN Award Winner (Best POV Sex Scene for Jules Jordan’s Ultimate Fuck Toy: Kennedy Leigh) in what promises to be an irresistible oral performance.

Kennedy Leigh

Who knows, maybe you can pre-game with these scenes before heading out for the night loaded with hope, condoms, and a throbbing pair of balls then try convincing your date to get adventurous in similar ways. (If you can pull that one off then, mister, you’re a better man than I.)

Brazzers Wants Your Gift Cards

Brazzers

There it was emblazoned across the bottom of a picture of Keisha Grey’s bountiful ass on the homepage at Brazzers HQ: “Trade Unused Gift Cards for Membership.” My jaw dropped. Could Brazzers really be telling me there’s a use for all those Starbucks and Target and Best Buy and (ugh) Marshalls gift cards my family members indifferently toss at me come Christmastime? Considering the ZZ sign-up process now includes the option to pay in the virtual currencies issued by everyone from Adidas and Aeropostale to Urban Outfitters, Victoria’s Secret, and even Wal-Mart and palmed off as thoughtless presents by pretty much everyone, I’d say that’s affirmative, wouldn’t you?

Brazzers opened this new avenue of payment in early January and has been Tweetin’ the news to its ten gazillion followers thusly:

When it comes to alternative methods of payment, the ZZ has some competition, though, as Naughty America recently announced that it would be accepting new members paying with bank checks and the controversial decentralized crypto-currency Bitcoin. With Bitcoin thrust under the nose of the CIA, the FBI, the DEA, the ATF (all the acronyms, really) due to deep-web markets like Silk Road, perhaps that seemingly useless stack of gift cards is indeed the wisest path of alternative porn-site payment. Brazzers assures its members the whole process will be painless and, aside from not getting the exact monetary value of the gift card in question, you’ll probably find it so. If you’ve got a $25 Starbucks card laying around, that’ll get you 16 days of access; a $200 Best Buy gift card earns you an insane 608 days of access!

And, bless ’em, the Brazzers team has made the whole transaction anonymous so you’ll never have to ‘fess up and admit to your dear old mother that the Williams-Sonoma gift card she gleefully presented you and your then-girlfriend with all those months ago didn’t make it anywhere near a Williams-Sonoma store and instead was used to ensure you wouldn’t have to miss Madison Ivy’s hotly anticipated, much ballyhooed upcoming anal debut right here at Brazzers. Whew.

Beatin’ on a Budget!: Evil Angel

Evil Angel

There are few adult entertainment companies that undoubtedly lead their fellow pornographers toward a brighter, more fruitful, and most exciting future. Of these few companies, one stands above all others (at this particular point in time, anyway). That company is the one founded back in 1989 by John “Buttman” Stagliano that now hosts a roster of directorial talent that’s the envy of the industry, the company for whom every pornstar both new and almost retired seems dying to work: Evil Angel.

After pulling in an outstanding ten AVN awards this January, you might expect Evil Angel to ramp up its prices and make the monetary most out such recent successes. Hit the company’s members-only website, however, and you’ll find nothing of the sort. In fact, you’ll find a discount deal that offers one month of unrestricted Evil Angel access for a measly $19.95. Gone are the days where an Evil Angel pass got you into dozens of sites, but you’re still very well looked after at ol’ EA HQ. New full-length movies are added multiple times each week, each one bringing along four, five, six, sometimes even seven or eight scenes of exceptionally high quality. And in HD video, too!

Evil Angel’s directors produce DVD (and digital) series adhering to their favored kinks and whatever the audience lets them know is wanted. From Manuel Ferrara’s intimate Raw series, Kevin Moore’s fisheye-shot lingerie and leggings celebrations and the fast-paced foreign productions of Rocco Siffredi and Nacho Vidal to Belladonna’s filthy girl obsession, Bobbi Starr’s lesbian anal tendencies, and Dana Vespoli’s boundary-smashing gender-bending porn, there’s such a wide range of incredibly hardcore smut here it makes Evil Angel essential viewing. Throw in fresh works from newly inducted directors Le’ Wood (Francescka Le and Mark Wood) and Lexington Steele, there’s plenty to look forward to in the coming year.

The Math:
Evil Angel’s online archive currently holds 8,990 scenes from 1,546 DVDs (including from such legendary series as Evil Anal, Wet Food, Suck Balls, Anal Acrobats, Big & Real, and Stagliano’s epic Voracious), of which about half are available in High Definition. On average, four new scenes are added daily while each week sees between two and five full DVDs made live, you’re looking at a current cost breakdown of less than 1.5c per DVD and a tiny 0.2c per scene! And, when scenes include dozens upon dozens of AVN winners and legendary performances from porn’s greatest, that makes an already great deal virtually impossible to resist.

Deny Evil Angel your patronage at your own peril.