All those alpha males running around with visible bulges in their trousers, making women of all (adult) ages quiver with a mixture of excitement, intimidation, and overwhelming hunger and fucking up your chances to becoming Mayor of Pussytown are about to get their comeuppance. See, according to a study published earlier this month by PLOSOne entitled “Predictors of Extra-Marital Partnerships among Women Married to Fishermen along Lake Victoria in Kisumu County, Kenya,” the prevalence of infidelity among women (within a six month period) was 6.2%, and 95% of reporting women said they were prompted to engage in extra-marital frivolity because of (wait for it) their husband’s overly large erection.
Along with domestic violence, suspicion of a spouse’s own infidelity, and being denied their preferred sexual position, penis size was among the most commonly reported stated reasons or inductions to martial infidelity amongst these Kenyan communities. And, while you might be thinking, “Who cares? I’m not Kenyan, not a fisherman, and don’t have a giant god-like woody!” you’d be wrong to dismiss this study as inconsequential to your own life. After all, if you’ve ever been spurned by a woman’s cold shoulder simply because your own relatively inadequate manhood couldn’t stand up against another guy’s, your long-gestating revenge is at hand.
“Every one inch longer penis increased the likelihood of women being involved in extra-marital partnership by almost one-and-half times. Women associated large penises with pain and discomfort during sex which precludes the enjoyment and sexual satisfaction that women are supposed to feel,” research revealed, encouraging dismayed micropenises worldwide. One woman participating in the study revealed even more details. telling researchers “Some penis may be large yet my vagina is small, when he tries to insert it inside, it hurts so much that I will have to look for another man who has a smaller one and can do it in a way I can enjoy.”
Science, as everyone knows, is all “theories” and “research” and doesn’t amount to shit. But if it did, anyone with a chip on their shoulder concerning the size of their (and everyone else’s) penis and what it will or will not inspire in a prospective lifelong mate, any guys wishing the most physically blessed of us would stop stealing our thunder and, for once, be on the receiving end of something more severe that diminished blood flow and the occasional erectile problem, this here is the vindication he has sought! They may impress in the locker room and over a bar table of Appletinis, but a giant penis is more likely to leave its lover wanting something more manageable before too long. Whether or not you’ll be there to satisfy at a moments notice, however, is entirely up to you.