Andrew WK’s Fresh + Sexy Party Plan

Andrew WKPlaytex Products, the company that brought you the ubiquitous pink dish-washing glove, the Gentle Glide 360 tampon, and the Kinder-Grip graphic baby bottle, now introduces something previously unheard of, a baby wipe for sexually active adults, and they’ve chosen a rather odd young fellow to be the official spokesperson for Fresh + Sexy Wipes: Andrew W.K.

The unstoppable party animal, would-be UN Goodwill Ambassador to Bahrain, and avowed shower-resistor known to his parents as Andrew Wilkes-Krier might seem like a curious choice to represent a product intended for genital hygiene maintenance before and after sex, but as the relentless partier is hot on the heels of a tour celebrating the 10th anniversary re-release of his debut album, I Get Wet, maybe it makes perfect sense after all.

Andrew says: “Whether you just finished rocking a packed club or have an intimate encounter after a busy day, this product will make couples feel brand new. Fresh + Sexy Wipes were specially designed to help couples feel confidently clean, before and after they engage in sexual activity!”

All this from a guy who celebrates the accumulation of bodily filth on his all-white uniform and routinely vomits blood on himself after a Taco Bell binge? With Andrew W.K., every situation is an opportunity to party, clean or dirty, naked or clothed.

Andrew WK

Lupe Fuentes and The Ex-Girlfriends

The Ex-GirlfriendsIf you’re a reasonably attractive young woman that fucks on camera for a living, your career possibilities aren’t as limited as you might think. Amia Miley stopped shooting porn, attached herself to a second-tier Jersey Shore pseudo-celebrity, and relaunched herself as a sexually suggestive yet SFW YouTube personality. (See her dusting the contents of a refrigerator in her underwear here.) Bree Olsen, also retired, recently used viral video marketing to bring attention to causes both just (Kony 2012) and ridiculous (her Hollywood Douchebag music video), but still teeters on the brink of the widespread notoriety she apparently desires. Now, another porn starlet is relying on viral video marketing to launch the next stage of her career, this time as a singer, dancer, and all-round hitmaker. The woman in question? “Little” Lupe Fuentes.

Catching a tweet from Evan Seinfeld, Fuentes’ manager and better half, earlier this week, I was aggressively advised to check out a video by an upstart A-pop group – as in J-pop, K-pop, M-pop etc – spearheaded by Fuentes, who appears onscreen in the opening shots of We Are the Party! with bedazzled pink lips, gyrating next to a bunny-headed mascot curiously dubbed “Herewego”. Rife with glitchy Auto-Tune-“enhanced” vocals and a four-on-the-floor dance beat, We Are the Party! seems to be translating the recent wave of international pop hits from the likes of Psy and 2NE1 into a culturally diverse American melange dubbed The Ex-Girlfriends. Joining the Colombia-born Fuentes (under the stage name Lulu Angel) is German-Native American Smash, Japanese-Brazilian Baby J, “black” and French Dee-Love, and Filipino T-Money, creating a far more racially diverse mix than most pop groups upstart or otherwise – just with a pornographic past.

Fuentes, though she professes to be embracing the idea of working in a group based on “true friendship, about supporting each other…like a bunch of girls who had each other’s backs no matter what”, is clearly the star of The Ex-Girlfriends show. (The band’s official bio mentions Lupe nearly twenty times by name, the others only once each.) If Seinfeld has a musical hand in his “little” protege’s latest career endeavor, he’s keeping his mouth shut about his contributions and instead just being as vocally supportive as any other husband; though perhaps he’s just being careful not to alienate fans of his “brutal, unrelenting” new band Attika 7.

The Ex-Girlfriends’ debut single, We Are the Party! is available now on iTunes. The video, which features plenty of salacious shots of the gorgeous (and tiny) Lupe, can be seen below.

Spice Up Your Solo Sex Life

British four-piece pop group, The Spice Girls might’ve seemed naff at their heyday in 1997, but no matter how well cultivated your musical tastes might have been, you still knew them by their nicknames and precocious “Girl Power” ideology. And now, thanks to Jordan Septo, the master of the musically-inclined porn parodies, you’ll get to see Sporty, Scary, Ginger, Posh, and Baby Spice in refashions the biggest-selling girl group of all time as wannabe (geddit?) pornstars.

Spice Girls XXX

Following on from the success of Saturday Night Fever XXX: An Exquisite Films Parody and OMG… It’s the Flashdance XXX Parody, Septo has shifted focus to more recent nostalgia acts with the rather predictably titled OMG… It’s the Spice Girls Parody. With ol’ reliable Evan Stone taking the paternal role of the Spice Girls’ manager, Simon Fuller, the rest of the cast have been plucked from all stratas of the adult industry and given the chance to fill the tallest platforms in porn history. As Scary Spice (Melanie Brown), ring-locked Misty Stone gleefully strides with a buoyant smile and leopard-print catsuit. One of porn’s signature redheads, Dani Jensen seems a fairly appropriate fit for Ginger Spice (Geri Halliwell), but doesn’t quite fill out her signature Union Jack dress well enough, if you ask me. Baby Spice (Emma Bunton) is played by an effervescent and effusively girly Jessie Rogers, who dons a candy colored dress and pigtails. As the future wife of footballer David Beckham, Allie Haze does her best Posh Spice (Victoria Adams) impersonation in, what else but a little black Gucci dress. The incredibly fit (in more ways than one) Dani Daniels, hot on the heels of her breakthrough feature role for Elegant Angel, tackles arguably the most difficult Spice Girl, Sporty (Melanie Chisolm), who, thanks to her trim, boyish figure was unfortunately labelled “the lesbo one”.

I don’t know about you fellas, but I’ve been ogling the Spice Girls for years ever since Say You’ll Be There, so I’ve no complaints about this particular parody. What, though, of the precedent Septo’s latest effort sets? Where do we go from here, porn parodies of other musical acts? An Abba parody would be loads of fun, as would a parody focusing on the legendary sexual exploits of some famous rock studs – Hendrix and Cynthia Plaster-Caster, Led Zep and a tuna, both the Glimmer and the Toxic Twins perhaps – but history dictates the end result will be something nobody wants to see: Nickelback porn.

(At least there’s already a fitting soundtrack.)