Less Hockey, More Nookie

Sex ToysWith a major dispute involving division of revenue, free-agency rights and salary arbitration (so, money) pitting team owners against the players’ association and closing down the 2013 NHL season, the Edmonton Oilers have been sidelined, leaving their fans twiddling their thumbs. Or, as Canadian adult retailers believe, diddling their ladies. Vinay Morker, owner of Hush Lingerie and More adult boutique in South Edmonton, told Edmonton Sun reporter Matt Dykstra that sales are up 15% because male fans are spending time usually devoted to hockey on the non-platonic women in their lives. “When Oilers fans, mostly guys, have to break their routine of seeing every game, they have more time.” Morker said. “And there’s nothing better than spending it with your spouse or girlfriend.”

So, ladies, it seems there’s a formula at play here that could improve your own sex lives. Instead of ignoring your fella when he harps on about linebackers and point guards and throwing the goalie, learn the terms, get an entry-level job at a sports management agency, work your way up to executive level, influence (or, hell, cause) a contract disputes and wait for your lapdog to come panting home to mama looking for a treat. If the aforementioned Canadian retailers are correct, he’ll come bearing gifts.

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