Scare Yourself Stiff with Fleshlight!

Fleshlight FreaksBy now every porn-loving guy on the planet should be familiar with Fleshlight, the discreet, portable masturbation aid for men that offers custom molds of pornstar pussies in a variety of flesh-like textures. But with Halloween approaching, it seems only fitting that guys might want something a little otherworldly to stick their dick in. Asa Akira, love her to death, just doesn’t scream Halloween!

Fleshlight’s Freaks range of penis receptacles for men and dildos for women offer spooky Halloween-themed sexual satisfaction under the names Zombie, Alien, Frankenstein, Drac, and Cyborg. Modeled after some of history’s most monstrous creations (and those fucking blue Avatar creatures!) the Fleshlight Freaks range is one of the most inspired and original creations to come out of the sexual aid industry in quite some time.

Zombie’s feel is that of decaying flesh, with a warped, mangled texture that only the freakiest of masturbators (and die-hard zombie fans) will relish. The wrinkled, wounded phallus that is its dildo counterpart is truly horrifying and looks ready to fuck your girl’s brains out whether you want it to or not.

The electric blue Alien dick-sleeve has a more box-like opening than a humanoid vagina and looks surprisingly warm and inviting, while the Alien dildo, also glowing blue, is extra wide and just humanoid enough to seem like an evolutionary step up from what you’re no doubt packing.

The stitched faux-flesh of the “Frankenvag” and the piecemeal phallus dubbed “Frankencock” are oversized and sit right on the edge of perfection and collapse, with the famous Monster’s neck bolts now transplanted to the shaft of this Shelley-inspired dick. A truly barbaric junkpile modification of the human penis.

Drac takes the most romantic and erotic of the famous monsters and presents it in a more explicit hardcore rendering. Bat-wing labia open the door to your impending loss of fluids while the stake-like, thick-veined, crimson boner equivalent dildo is perfectly symmetrical and bound to thrill your Twilight-obsessed ladyfriend.

Perhaps the scariest of all Fleshlight Freaks, however, is Cyborg. The robotically ribbed SuperSkin-textured offers a bionic pussy for you to pound and comes in both vibrating and non-vibrating editions. Women, meanwhile, are presented with a cobalt blue, almost purple shaft that looks more like a futuristic videogame joystick than the fuckstick you’re wielding. Ribbed, ribbed, ribbed with a bumpy shaft and artificially sleek sack, the Cyborg rod could soon replace you if you don’t adapt and evolve.

Oh, and don’t take these out trick-or-treating or you’re liable to end up behind bars at the mercy of a fat, sweaty, tattooed cellmate!

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