Sex | Mr. Pink's Blog

7-11 Now Caters to Lazy Daters

7-11 pink slurpee When it’s 3am and you’re stumbling half-drunk down Second St, failing to flag down a taxi and unable to wrangle your Uber app into doing what it’s supposed to, convenience store giant 7-11 is an absolute god send. When you’re blazing with your buddies and dream up a liquid concoction involving Mountain Dew, Miller Lite, and the extracted juices of a nine-hour-old hot dog, again 7-11 saves the day. But when you’re unable to supplant yourself from wherever it is you’re doing whatever it is you’re doing – say, it’s going well with a new ladyfriend over drinks at your apartment when you both start getting pangs of hunger – a brick-and-mortar location can’t provide a truly convenient service, unless…

Braving new territory in the realm of corporate retail convenience chains, 7-11 has announced that four of its largest markets (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Los Angeles, and Chicago) will now be able to order pre-packed products for home delivery. First up, packs devoted to Game Day, Endurance, and the Sniffles aimed respectively at augmenting the thrill of your favorite Big Game™, priming you for peak athletic performance, and aiding your recovery from a mild cold. The last of the four packs making leading the charge for 7-11’s new endeavor, which spokeswoman Margaret Chabris told the New York Daily News will “redefine convenience,” are far more suited to Mr. Pink’s readership than those just mentioned. 7-11’s Date Night Pack brings the purchaser Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream, a can of Red Bull (for staying power!), a Hershey’s chocolate bar (to boost your already heightened libidos), and, most importantly, some Trident gum and a trio of Trojan Ultra Thin condoms to ensure the only thing you’re passing to each other is the quickly emptying tub of Ben & Jerry’s. And, if the two of you hit the sauce while getting saucy (and assuming she stayed over) 7-11’s Hangover Pack should soothe what ails ya (along with some nice, slow good-morning recovery sex) with extra-strength Acetaminophen, Fruit Punch Gatorade, a Smoked Turkey and Pepper Jack Sandwhich, and, the most crucial item of all, one large Pepperoni Pizza direct from the reliably questionable oven rack at your nearest participating 7-11 location.

The cost of 7-11’s ultra-convenient home-delivered packs run from just $9.75 for the Endurance to $25 for Game Day with Date Night and Hangover sitting at $20 and $15 each. Throw in $2 for delivery and you’re looking at a whole new level of near-instant gratification to augment your Earthly search for happiness. Kudos, 7-11. Kudos to you.

Cosmo’s Female-Friendly Porn Picks

Once again courting controversy and enraging anti-sex activists across the USA, Cosmopolitan, the women’s magazine with distribution in 110 countries around the world, decided “Have Hotter Sex This Summer” and “4 Scary Things Gynos Tell You and Why You Shouldn’t Wig Out” weren’t exciting enough stories and opted to recommend some porn to their overwhelmingly female readership, porn Cosmo felt would be a good fit for female viewers. Of course, reactionary anti-sex groups immediately called the publication itself an item of pornography and demanded it be removed from super market shelves or wrapped in a black mylar sleeve so as not to infect the eyes and minds of tots as their parents unload two cartfuls of carcinogenic soda-pop onto the checkout belt. In solidarity with the oppressed Cosmo staff and readership, Mr. Pink’s is staging this silent – as in written, not spoken – protest. (And also, you know, checking out Cosmo’s recs and seeing how they fare on the ol’ Pink-O-Meter).

Cosmo writer Jill Hamilton and graphic artist Lauren Ahn concocted their guide to female-friendly porn is the hopes of (according to Ahn’s rating meter graphic) turning women away from Ron Jeremy and his ilk and towards James Deen and the new generation of adventurous pornographers. After proffering free sites (and irresponsibly sidestepping the wealth of piracy and copyright problems plaguing the industry) and Tumblr feeds (erotic literature, female orgasm guides) of little use to anyone keen to avoid unbearably pretentious “literotica”, Hamilton brought us to sites more commonly identified as commercial pornography that she felt a good fit for Cosmo’s readers. The list, while not exactly throwing out a bevy of surprises, features some stellar adult sites that also come with Mr. Pink’s glowing recommendation.

Masturbation sites I Feel Myself and Beautiful Agony, both by Feck of The Netherlands, garnered raves for their incredible intimacy and drastically different approach to visual arousal, earning 4-out-of-5 each on the Jeremy-to-James hotness scale. Erika Lust of Lust Cinema’s viewer-submitted fantasy site, X-Confessions also caught the attention of Hamilton for its short films conceived by women. Beautiful cinematography an performers give a classy feel to X-Confessions, which also earns a 4 from Cosmo. Curiously, Kink is also noted as a must-see but given a non-rating of 1-5; “They’ll probably have what you want and other things you didn’t know you wanted may end up in your cart as well,” Hamilton writes. The clear winner, though – and this will hardly surprise anyone who’s discussed porn with a woman under 60 in the past five years – is Mr. Deen himself, his official site scoring a perfect 5 for giving this particular journalist the feeling of being “vicariously well-fucked,” and left with “a mysterious glow the rest of the day.”

James Deen, Cosmo’s cure for the sexually frustrated woman in your life… whether you like it or not.

James Deen review

New Toy App Advises Lousy Lays

Sex can be difficult. First you have to occasion to actually have sex, then your consideration and “reading” of your partner’s responses, desires, and disinterests becomes paramount. Then there’s the inevitable regret at not lasting longer, going too long, being too frenetic, not moving enough, not cleaning up quickly enough, and the dreaded question of when to call or text next. While there’s nothing in Lovely’s programming to help you with arranging your next date, this little device could guide you and your partner towards a far more fruitful sexual relationship. How? By reading your body and sending you instructive messages, obviously.

Think of this… Experiencing post-coital sedation, you’re stirred from snuggling by an alert sound on your iPhone. Your turn to pick it up, hoping it’s not anyone that could compromise you chances of “hitting it” again later. It’s Lovely. Lovely tells you that while it was restricting blood flow from your genitals and strangling your shaft, it determined that the doggy-style position hasn’t had enough play in your bedroom. Advising and demonstrating on the use of such positions, and counting the calories burnt, heart-rate reached, top thrusting speed achieved, Lovely aims to improve every sex life it touches. But is it as inspiring as it first appears?

With the privacy of user data one of Internet users’ principal concerns today, Lovely raises a few interesting questions about how openly we share and discuss our sexual habits. If you’re wearing Lovely during sex for one year and it tracks and analyses every encounter you have, isn’t your yearly sexual history available for the hacking (or selling should Lovely not achieve to its expected standards) and couldn’t it end up in the hands of just about anyone?

Perhaps I’m being a little paranoid and Lovely really is trying to help me. It’s just that, what with cock rings being innately wince-inducing and the data issue being a tough one, Lovely seems more like a device for gathering information for others than for the user. After all, shouldn’t the evolution of a sexual relationship come about because the parties declare their desires and engage in the mutually agreeable ones together, not because their phones told them to lift a leg this way, fuck faster on weekdays, or reach for a supportive pillow? Clearly I’m living in a fantasyland and need a device like Lovely, which is now taking pre-orders and campaigning for completion funds through IndieGoGo, to set me straight.

Male & Female Masturbation Myths Exposed

Masturbation Month is rounding the home stretch, so it seems as good a time as any to debunk some of the myths and rumors both men and women have heard about their self-love practices. Like last week’s tips for women from Lelo, this slate of informational tidbits and tantalizing factoids comes courtesy of sex and lifetsyle (and hardcore porn) site BaDoink.

Speaking to seologist and sex educator Logan Levkoff, PhD about the male masturbatory habits, BaDoink discovered that whether single or spoken-for, satisfied or not with their relationship, males are prone to masturbate as pure force of habit or to barely-consciously attend to physical needs. Levkoff said frequency hardly matters unless it’s causing problems: “If you masturbate many times a day and you’re missing work or giving up on sex with your partner because of it, consider seeing a sex therapist.”

Masturbation might not score you an STD but it’s not always entirely safe either. Forceful bending of an erection can result in penile fracture, a painful and unsightly injury that will eventually heal, but not before repulsing any sexual partners you might be daring enough to reveal it to. (He might’ve been injured mi-coitus, not at home alone with a bottle of shampoo and a dirty sock, but just as Prince Yashua.)

Although nobody has apparently figured out the physiological reasons for it, it appears masturbation, while healthy, doesn’t offer health benefits equivalent to sexual intercourse. Sex can for men improve blood pressure, decrease pain, and improve the health of both the heart and the prostate. Apparently masturbation doesn’t quite get that far. In fact, Tobias S. Kohler, MD, MPH of Southern Illinois University School of Medicine tells us that even the makeup of ejaculate differs when coaxed via masturbation and sex, quipping “It appears that not all orgasms are created equally.”

For women, many masturbation myths also cloud feelings about pleasuring oneself, so let’s let BaDoink dash them too, huh? Here’s a three-point list of what might be done in porn but should be left out of one’s own masturbatory habits and, at the very least, never inflicted upon a woman who’s deemed you worthy of their sexual company. “Vigorous Fingering,” which leaves fingertips and pussy lips sporting a friction burn is out. Instead slide two fingers inside and curve them upwards to find a seriously erogenous area. Whether it’s lips or legs, “Spreading Them Open,” is generally a no-no. Let limbs fall where they may and don’t insist upon widening the space between your thighs just because they do it in porn. Porn’s visual; masturbation is personal. In porn, vibrators seem to induce orgasms with a very light touch and although that’s the case for some women, it’s rare. BaDoink’s Lola Lovely says she needs to hold a vibe firmly against a particularly receptive part of her genitalia for it to have any real effect. Reminding us that real masturbation is “a lot less sexy and a whole lot more frantic” than what’s portrayed in porn, Lovely reminds us of the most important rule of female masturbation: do it yourself and find what you like. Or, for guys trying to please their ladies: let her show you the ropes and follow her lead.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some laundry to do. Alone. With a bottle of shampoo and a dirty sock. Until June arrives.

Avri masturbating at FTV Girls – FTV Girls review