September, 2012 | Mr. Pink's Blog

An Overload of Kelly Shibari

Enter the name “Kelly Shibari” into Google and the first result you’ll get isn’t a Wikipedia entry, podcast interview, or guide to the art of Japanese rope bondage, it’s a sponsored advertisement for Fleshlight. To be more specific, it’s a Fleshlight ad promoting the company’s latest Fleshlight Girl, whose vulva has been cast in a mold for your masturbatory pleasure. To be even more specific, that new Fleshlight Girl is none other than the reigning queen of BBW porn, Kelly Shibari.

For those who’ve been living under a rock these past few years (at least where porno’s concerned), Kelly Shibari is the Japanese-born, LA and Vegas-based adult superstar whose ample figure and indomitable attitude has helped bring about a renewed interest in all things Big, Beautiful, and Womanly. As if she didn’t have her fingers in enough porn-related pies – she’s also a producer/director, runs three websites (Padded Kink, Kelly Shibari XXX, and The PRSM Group, the latter a social media marketing consultancy firm), a sometime host of Playboy Radio’s ‘Night Calls’ show, has won a Feminist Porn Award, played the title role in Roseanne: The Parody XXX, and was even featured in a video for German metal band Rammstein’s song ‘Mein Land’ – Kelly now takes a starring role of a very different kind as one of Fleshlight’s flagship models. With her privates now immortalized in Fleshlight form for her growing legion of ardent admirers to fuck, you’d think Kelly’d take a bit time off, but instead she’s set to unleash upon porn fans her debut feature-length DVD release, Kelly Shibari is Overloaded. Oh yeah, and she directed the damn thing, too!

Overloaded, which hits retail stores September 26 but has already managed to top the Videos4Sale best-seller list for four consecutive weeks, shows Kelly celebrating Japan’s recent victory in the FIFA Women’s World Cup by performing for the very first time a blowbang and bukkake scene in which her co-stars are none other than the fans she’s been tantalizing and entertaining all along. Twenty lucky fans managed to ace the health tests Kelly rightfully required and participated in the event, which now takes top billing on her forthcoming DVD. Also on the menu are a number of other firsts for Kelly: her first group sex scene, first anal creampie, and first double-vaginal with creampie.

Best of all, folks, Kelly (along with Fleshlight, Exile Distribution, and Monarchy Distribution) is running a “Pink Ticket” contest that will result in one extraordinarily lucky fan being the recipient of a personalized erotic video shot by Kelly of Kelly exclusively for their own personal use with (you guessed it) a signed, personalized Kelly Shibari Fleshlight. And just so other fans don’t feel left out, anyone who buys Kelly Shibari is Overloaded on DVD will find a discount code inside that’ll allow them to wield their very own signed, personalized Fleshlight so they too can fuck Kelly ’til their heart’s content… or ’til it sputters out from all the excitement.

Videobox Welcomes You to Club Tranny

A couple of years ago, highly lauded online adult video compendium Videobox surprised its thousands of subscribers by letting them know that the most requested category was transsexual. Yep, chicks with dicks eclipsed double-anal, fisting, oral creampie, and anal-prolapse to take home the most coveted potential Videobox category no-prize of 2009. Three years later, though, and there’s still no dedicated transsexual channel to be found. Or at least there wasn’t until now!

Recently announced on Videobox’s always entertaining and enlightening blog, Club Tranny is the site’s all new, 100% transsexual premium channel and it’s already boasting more than 300 scenes. Although many of the comments on said announcement focused not on trannies but on the copious requests for a Classics channel, VB has clearly made a good move here. Whenever a tranny DVD was added to the main collection (and they still will be) there would be a number of knee-jerk reactions in the comments section calling for the VB crew to get rid of this “sick shit” that “no man on earth would want to jerk to”. While those sentiments might not have been very tastefully put, I can see where they’re coming from. If you’re an avid fan of pussy and pussy-focused porn, you’re not likely to enjoy transsexual hardcore. So why not add a separate section entirely focused on trannies to keep the large (but evidently silent) contingent of tranny admirers happy and cut down, if not completely abandon, adding TS movies to the main VB archive?

We’ll have to wait and see exactly how popular Club Tranny turns out to be, but even at this early stage, isn’t Club Tranny simply more evidence of Videobox’s unparalleled commitment to excellent service and customer satisfaction? I think so!

The Perfect Pornstars

Everyone’s favorite purveyor of celebrity pseudo-porn, Mr. Skin, recently assisted YTD (YouTubeDownloaderSite) in their survey of past AVN Male and Female Performer of the Year winners in an effort to find out who in the celebrity realm comes closest to fans’ idea of the perfect pornstar, both male and female. Before we get to the results, though, let’s take a look at who was analyzed by the researchers, who looked at eye color, hair color, height, weight, age, zodiac signs, US state of origin, and, for the women, measurements and whether or not her bust was artificially enhanced.

AVN Female Performers of the Year (1993 – 2012):

Ashlyn Gere, Debi Diamond, Asia Carrera, Kaitlyn Ashley, Missy, Stephanie Swift, Chloe, Inari Vachs, Jewel De’Nyle, Nikita Denise, Aurora Snow, Ashley Blue, Lauren Phoenix, Audrey Hollander, Hillary Scott, Sasha Grey, Jenna Haze, Tori Black, and Bobbi Starr.

AVN Male Performer of the Year (1993 – 2012):

Jonathan Morgan, Jon Dough, Rocco Siffredi, TT Boy, Tom Byron, Lexington Steele, Michael Stefano, Tommy Gunn, James Deen, Evan Stone, and Manuel Ferrara. (Ferrara, Stone, Steele, Byron, and Siffredi all won multiple times.)

So, combine the above listed factors of these performers and who do you think you’d come up with? With the immense database of celebrity identities at Mr. Skin, YTD found that the ultimate female and male pornstars would be none other than the most facially symmetrical MILF in Hollywood, Jessica Alba and the most agreeably sexy Batman in history, Christian Bale. No surprises there, huh?

Aside from being the object of every male movie-goer’s lust, Alba, a 31-year-old Taurus from Califnornia, brought home the proverbial bacon thanks to her 5’6″, 118 lb, 34C-25-24 frame, and her brown hair and eyes. Bale, a Welshman, on the other hand, showed that male pornstars need not be American to win the industry’s highest accolade; his 6′, 180 lb body, green/hazel eyes, and brown hair placed the Dark Knight, a 38-year-old Gemini, among the best and brightest cocksmen of porn.

Wanna see how it all worked out? Here’s the rundown, courtesy of a neat-o burrito infographic by the YTD folks.

Porn Parody Roundup!

The porn parody craze that has been sweeping the industry for a couple of years shows no sign of abating anytime soon and there are plenty of parodies of pop culture icons hitting the shelves (both IRL and online) now and in the near future. Hardcore takes on everything from The Hangover to semi-obscure Batman-related all-female superhero trios to alien-zapping government agents are set to take over your small (or egregiously large) computer or TV screen, so I, Mr. Pink, decided to keep you filled in on all the whos and wherefores and WTFs of the latest slate of porn parody hits.

Hairy Twatter: In Search of Bush sees a bespectacled young wizard anxiously sift through the female students of Whore’s Wart’s School for Witches and Wizards in search of his holy grail: a girl with a bushy pussy. Frustrated, Harry grabs his wand and lets loose some dark magic to bring these bald twats to hirsute life. From DreamZone Entertainment, Hairy Twatter stars Jessie Andrews, Nora Sky, Katie St. Ives, Seth Gamble, Michael Vegas and more; written and directed by Jordan Septo, Hairy Twatter: In Search of Bush has just been released and is already casting its spell on many viewers.

The Official Hangover Parody might not be the most inventive name for, well, an official parody of the Vegas-destroying hit comedy, The Hangover, but with a lineup including Brooklyn Lee, Dana Dearmond, Misty Stone, Lexi Belle, Tori Black and Skin Diamond, and with James Deen, Marco Banderas, and Dane Cross as the drunkenly debaucherous trio of bachelor partying buddies, this effort from Spock Buckton and Brian Bangs is sure to be a hoot. (And it also features Ron Jeremy in a reportedly hilarious cameo appearance.) By the time you read this, The Official Hangover Parody should be hitting shelves and online retailers, so get crackin’, bros!

While it might not be as obvious a choice for parody as Batman himself, Birds of Prey XXX sees Brooklyn Lee, Gracie Glam, and Kagney Linn Karter hit the streets of Gotham to solve the crimes the Caped Crusader simply doesn’t have time to attend to. As Oracle, Huntress, and Black Canary respectively, this trio of immensely popular pornstars don some rather racy costumes and burst onto the parody porn scene thanks to Sinister Comixxx as they confront Gotham’s latest she-menaces, Alexis Texas, Chanel Preston, and Lizzy Borden. Out now, Birds of Prey XXX is available in a deluxe 3-DVD metal collector’s tin and online through Extreme Entertainment Network’s Roku hookup.

Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones are the last guys you’d want to see in a hardcore porn movie – your girlfriend and your mother, however, might take different stances – but their alien-fighting characters from the roaringly successful franchise from Columbia Pictures Entertainment are given the hardcore parody treatment thanks to Wicked Pictures and director Brad Armstrong. Starring Ethan Hunt and Randy Spears are the guys wielding the biggest ray-guns here and they’re aiming them at Misty Stone, India Summer, Isis Taylor, Nicole Aniston and a handful of other babes, Earthlings and otherwise. Oh yeah, and Xander Corvus plays a floating worm with a humanoid head. Go figure.

What, no parody of Red Tails or Frankenweenie?