MrPinks

Family Fit – Missy Pink’s Sex Advice

Missy Pink,

I have what might be a strange problem. My husband’s Dad recently moved in with us. We’re in the process of fixing up the basement into his separate apartment, but, until then, he’s sleeping on the sofa in our family room. The problem is this, he is obsessed with online porn and he uses my laptop to log on and then jack off while watching it. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve tried my best to disinfect the keyboard and casing because there are splatters of his cum all over it. I’m ready to throw him out of the house but my husband thinks it’s funny, saying things such as, “Men will be men!” Either he leaves or I do.

Having a Family Fit

Dear Friend;

I won’t be so callous as to say I know how you feel, because I don’t. Unless you’re an exhibitionist, or a partaker of group fornication, sex is usually a pretty private endeavor, especially when it comes in the form of masturbation, either solo or shared between partners, but, taking the risk of a family member walking in, well, that would be a difficult situation to say the least. Of course, putting a bit of a fetish spin on it means your father in law may feel a bit of heightened excitement by that very fact, the sneaking and possibility of getting caught is always a powerful aphrodisiac.

With that being said, allow me to play the devil’s advocate and voice an opinion from both sides of the situation. For whatever reasons, your husband’s Dad has left the privacy of his own home and is learning to adapt to sharing a dwelling with you and your family. So, out of respect for him, I have to say, I’m sure it’s not been an easy transaction from his point of view either. There’s going to be a learning curve, it just so happens that curve carries the act of masturbation and orgasms that aren’t cleaned up properly. His stress and despair may be lessened by sexual release in the form of jacking off once he thinks the family has turned in for the night, and, unless he takes the laptop to the bathroom, locking the door behind him, there’s probably not going to be 100% privacy.

I can certainly understand your despair over the situation, not to mention frustration with your husband, who has seemingly incorporated the, “That’s my boy!” type of pride in his Dad. For him, that’s an assurance of his own fate in years to come, if his Father still jerks off often, then he assumes his sex drive won’t decrease with age either. Of course that doesn’t alter the fact that he’s not being very understanding to your concern and anger.

Unless your relative is spending too much of his time enjoying self stimulation, to the point where it’s unhealthy, then, I would say approaching the topic with him may cause a family rift, and humiliation that may be irreversible. He may feel such embarrassment over knowing you are aware of his middle of the night cock cravings that sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner will hold a lot of tension in the air. Not to mention, even speaking of it with him could leave you red in the face and stammering. And by all means, don’t lash out when you’re angry, things can be said that won’t have a way to take back.

My honest advice to you would be, put a fire under getting that basement converted. Whoever is doing the construction work, tell them to put things into high gear so he has his privacy, it will be a win/win situation for both sides. Set up his own computer, make sure the wifi has him connected and then close your mind to what goes on downstairs while you’re upstairs. I realize cleaning up spattered sperm of your Father in Law is not something anyone would particularly want to do, so, expedite the living quarters.

Tell your husband if his Dad continues to cum, you’re going to go!

Beatin’ on a Budget!: with Bang Bros

In the year 2075, when porn has either been eradicated entirely from the now-chaste society or hard-wired to our subconsciousness as the only functional stimulation of our erogenous receptors, people will look back on the period between 1998 and 2008 as ten years of pornographic wonderment that solidified a style that would persist until the last load is blown. That style is known as “gonzo” and there’s really only one place in town that typifies the gonzo porn experience: Bang Bros.

A network comprising some 48 websites – notables include Ass Parade, Back Room Facials, Backroom MILF, Ball Honeys, Bang Bus, Big Mouthfuls, Big Tit Cream Pie, Big Tits Round Asses, Blowjob Fridays, Facial Fest, Glory Hole Loads, and PAWG (phew!) – Bang Bros is not only really fucking large and abundantly stocked, it’s something of a laugh riot, too. The irreverent approach of the main Bang Bros crew sees pranking, spanking, and yogically side-planking sex ignite the screen in a wide variety of situations and scenarios. Although not yet equipped with 1080p High Definition videos, Bang Bros’ 720p streams and downloads, and the 2000px galleries accompanying them should do you quite well.

THE MATH:
Bang Bros’ 48 websites hold a collective 6,937 scenes (342 of which have been remastered in HD). Breaking that down on a per-dollar basis, your bargain-priced $14.95 month-long membership means you’ll be paying a ridiculously low 49¢-per-day, 31¢-per-site, or 2¢-per-scene. Any way you slice it, the current Mr. Pink-endorsed Bang Bros deal gives you an unparalleled gonzo porn experience for a truly tiny price that no porn fanatic in his or her right mind could possibly be convinced was anything other than the best porn deal on the ‘net.

Over The Knee Needs – Missy Pink’s Sex Advice

Ms. Pink,

I’ve read your articles and I hope it’s alright for a gay male to ask a question. I’m in my late 50’s, and have been with the same partner for 19 years, but, our sex life has gotten more than stale. It seems nothing I do anymore is exciting to him, he’s grown tired of me and I must admit, I have fantasies that I’ve never told him about, or anyone else before now. I’m not very well endowed, in fact, my manhood is quite small, and the thought of another man humiliating me about the size of my cock while spanking me is the only thing that gets me hard enough to masturbate. I wouldn’t want anyone to find out about my kinky desires, but I’m not sure how to feel that type of turn on.

Over The Knee Needs

Dear Friend;

First of all, never feel shame over your fantasies, the mind works as it does and there are many things we can control in our lives, but drifting, desirable thoughts isn’t one of them. Yes, we can control whether we act upon them or not, but, they’ll slip in when you least expect it, it’s human nature. You can be making passionate love with the person of your dream, having everything absolutely perfect at that moment, but, at the time of orgasm, your mind suddenly shifts to something totally different, it’s just the way our libido works, it’s confusing and exciting, all wrapped up in one morsel of life.

It sounds as if you might be making a circle of sorts with your BDSM fantasy. First of all, you get sexually turned on at the thought of humiliation and spanking, but you also don’t want your long time partner or anyone else to know, which in turn feeds the fire of the same fantasies. It’s as if you’re being punished for having such thoughts, hence, the spanking aspect. And of course, the being ridiculed over having a small cock is also a form of verbal brutality as well.

Meaning, the same items that give you an erection for masturbation are items that bring a subconscious guilt as well, which make them even more taboo. There’s a submissive side to you, and possibly somewhere back in your younger years, you were humiliated by someone and it took a turn into a sexual nature, and you’ve remembered that type of stimulation, now making you long for it once again. You want someone else to control the dynamic in power, and, the spanking is all a part of the humiliation, making it a verbal and physical desire for you.

The question is, do you really want to experience this lifestyle or is it just something in your mind that says if you have it, then everything will be beautiful in your world again. There are many different ways of being degraded in a submissive situation, such as body worship, foot worship, bondage, even menial tasks such as cleaning someone’s house naked, scrubbing floors, toilets, the list could go on endlessly, but for you, the act of being spanked is the main focal point of what you want.

Being gay has nothing to do with your secret desires, these things can live in the mind of people from all sexual orientation. If you don’t feel confident in discussing what you’d like with your partner, then think of a friend, someone you trust, express your desires, even if it’s a female that may have cuckolding tendencies. If she has a male significant other that would be open to a bisexual relationship, share a threesome, get a taste of what you’re wanting and see if it still holds the same power as it does for you to masturbate by.

I would recommend however, no matter who you experience this fetish with, be open and honest with your partner, at least tell him what’s in your heart, what you need at this stage of you relationship, be faithful in the fact that you’ve shared many years together. He may surprise you and partake in the things that intrigue you, to spice things up. You said nothing you do seems to turn him on anymore, which means he’s wanting something different as well. Turn yourself over to him with honesty and he may then surprise you by turning you over his knee.

Fleshlight Gets a Grip

How many times have you been plugging away at your Fleshlight, on the verge of completion, when your chosen porn-viewing device (smart phone, duh) falls from its carefully placed position against your thigh or pillow or sleeping cat and makes your lose your carefully built-up edge? Fleshlight knows. Fleshlight cares. Fleshlight can’t stop producing borderline-absurd add-ons for its millions-selling masturbation device. The latest creation from the company has now launched and goes by the oh-so-imaginative name of PhoneStrap.

See, you strap it to your leg for consistently good views of your iPhone or Galaxy or whatever! Ok, so the Fleshlight PhoneStrap might seem like a waste of thirty bucks at first, but think of the possibilities, even the nonsexual ones! PhoneStrap is: a stable second screen for enhanced sports viewing; an easy way to video chat your friends when you’ve got a story that requires wild gesticulation; and, as Fleshlight user “Rich” points out, as a leg-mounted recipe display for the kitchen.

If you need to cast a wider supportive net around your device, there’s even an add-on for this add-on (although this one’s free). Expanding the normal grasp of PhoneStrap to 5.5″, the clip extender allows users to insert a mini tablet for slightly better viewing than what a phone would provide. (Pity it can’t extend another 1.5″, though, as that’d give those Record Store Day-attending vinyl-fetishizers a neat little device with which to secure whatever overpriced 7″ reissue they fully intend to welcome into the household with a nice smooth coat of ejaculate.)

With an MSRP of $39.93 (but now on sale at Fleshlight for $29.95), Fleshlight’s PhoneStrap is now ready and able to aid your most furious beat-off sessions.