Entertainment | Mr. Pink's Blog

Dave Attell’s Showtime Circle Jerk

Comedian Dave Attell has never tried to hide parts of his personality that some might view as, well, decadent. On his show Insomniac (2001-2004), Attell wandered around various US cities during the moonlit hours, drank booze in bars and clubs, and met fellow nighthawks, most of them the kinds of folks TV execs wouldn’t want anywhere near a prime-time slot. When I was fortunate enough to attend a taping of the resurrected Gong Show in The Entertainment Capital of the World, Hollywood California a few years back, Attell, taking Chuck Barris’s place as the host/ringmaster, would spend shooting breaks standing in the wings chain-smoking and looking less than thrilled with bumbling crew members.

Now, with his second gig hosting the annual Adult Video News (AVN) Awards in Las Vegas coming up in January of next 2012, Attell’s connections to the porn world are only growing stronger. But, hey, the guy’s an old pro when it comes to fuckin’ on film. Just check out his current Showtime jaunt, Dave’s Old Porn. Digging back into the VHS archives from porn’s Golden Age, the 1970s and early ‘80s, Attell and his guests (Whitney Cummings, Adam Carolla, Chelsea Handler and other mildly humorous celebs) give running commentaries while showing some of adult cinemas greatest and crummiest titles, from The Devil in Miss Jones to Ultra Flesh. Porn veterans Nina Hartley and Ron Jeremy, Belladonna drop in to give a professional’s perspective on some of the cheesiest dialog, most bizarre plots, and (presumably) least attractive hairstyles even seen on the small screen.

How Does Lindsay Lohan Feel?

Professional tabloid fodder, Lindsay Lohan has finally accepted Playboy Magazine’s long-standing offer of a nude pictorial. When originally asked a few years back, just as her star was beginning to wane, Lohan had yet to bare her breasts onscreen or in print and, feeling she risked losing some credibility, was reported asking for a cool million to get her gear off for Hugh Hefner’s infamous publication. Now, after numerous run-ins with the law and trouble with addictive substances, as well as already revealing her breasts in artsy-fartsy photospreads in New York Magazine and Harper’s, it seems Lohan is just desperate enough to finally accept Playboy’s offer – and for a little less than her demanded $1 million, too. Lohan’s equally controversial mother, Dina Lohan, has reportedly confirmed that the shoot has taken place and that it was “tasteful.” Bummer.

After hearing the news of Loco LiLo’s plans with Playboy, Fleshlight, the makers of the world’s most popular male sex toy, have thrown the troubled star a proverbial bone. Like pornstars Stoya, Jenna Haze, and Jesse Jane before her, Lindsay could be the next Fleshlight girl if only she’d agree to have moulds made of her vagina, anus, or mouth. Steve Shubin, CEO of Fleshlight has offered her the $1 million she failed to get from Playboy in exchange for her services and likeness, saying “This is a perfect way for Lindsay to immortalize her body parts and it allows fans to connect with her in a whole new way.”

Anyone else think that if LiLo suffers a few more legal troubles Dina just might push her in Fleshlight’s direction?

Lindsay Lohan is set to appear in Playboy’s January 2012 issue, on sale in December. The Fleshlight, it seems, will have to wait.

Halloween Roundup Part 2

In yesterday’s spooktacular installment of Mr. Pink’s Blog you read about Brazzers, Bang Bros, and Reality Kings’ attempts to creep you out while keeping you hard this Halloween. Now that The Big Three are outta the way, it’s time to delve even further into this year’s carnal celebrations with sites that cater to, well, a more refined clientele.

It seems only fitting that the masters of domination and subjugation, Kink dot com, would render a highly decadent take on Halloween with Mistress Bobbi Starr and the enslaved Tara Lynn Foxx. On Kink’s anal-focused site, Everything Butt, we find “Anal Haunting” a scene loaded with punishing rectal penetrations, anal stretching and gaping, and extremely potent rough sex. Imagine being Tara this Halloween, awoken from your coffin to a steel dildo-wielding Bobbi Starr! That’s enough to scare the bejeezus outta anyone!

Over at My XXX Pass, relative porno newcomer Jessie Andrews throws on a black and blue wig, sets her pumpkin pail down, and gorges on the biggest sucker she could find: a thick, long, and very stiff dick. Taking it so deep she fully earns her place in Throated’s Halloween update, Jessie gags, spits, tears up, and even tries to talk with her mouthful. Who taught you table manners, girl? Cannibals?!

Still with the orally fixated, the delightfully erotic Camille Crimson might not seem like the type to puke mid-blowjob, soiling her kinky Supergirl costume, that’s because she has perfected The Art of Blowjob. Offering something unique to her fans this Halloween, Camille refuses to take her lover’s cock in her mouth, instead stroking his shaft with licking and sucking his balls as if they were Everlasting Gobstoppers. As he inevitably blows, you’ll surely realize that Camille’s manual and oral skills alone aren’t responsible for his excitement – she’s wearing a pumpkin-orange slip so thin it’s practically see-though. That’d be enough to have any guy aching for some suction!

Quite possibly the most accomplished producer of spooky concept porn is the rather ironically named Joanna Angel. After winning the AVN Award for Best Web Premiere in 2011 for her Halloween parody, Dong of the Dead, this Burning Angel celebrates Halloween ‘11 with the ambitious Fuckenstein! Joanna’s eerie black-and-white parody of the original monster movie stars James Deen as Dr. Frankenstein, Ramon Nomar as The Monster, and Ms. Angel herself as The Bride, complete with lightning-strike bouffant hairdo. The major difference in this version of Mary Shelley’s classic horror tale, of course, is that The Bride takes a double-teaming from The Monster and his creator. A far cry from the social commentary of the original, sure, but a damn sight sexier!

Keep your third eyes peeled, dear readers, ‘cause if more horrific horniness hits the WWW before midnight of the 31st, “Putrid” Mr. Pink’s will have the complete, skin-scorching lowdown. Goreanteed!

Halloween Roundup Part 1

Every October people all around the world eagerly await Halloween, the one day every year when it’s not only acceptable to dress as a demonic sadist, ghetto street hooker, or zombified Captain America, it’s downright expected. The porn industry has always enjoyed some gussied-up Halloween antics and with the rise in popularity of parody porn, adult studios and websites seem even more eared towards presenting a decadent costume play that is strictly for the grown-ups. In this two-part blog, Mr. Pink is going to highlight some of the stunningly spooky pornographic achievements that have come to our attention in the lead up to All Hallow’s Eve.

Those randy rascals the Bang Bros have already added not one, but two Halloween-themed scenes to their highly-rated network, employing Nordic superstar Puma Swede and a quintet of lesbionic hussies for some all-out costumed degeneracy. Featured on Bang Bus, Puma Swede dons a kinky nurses uniform reminiscent of Kill Bill’s Elle Driver and roams around Miami in a pumpkin and spiderweb filled van, pulling random guys off the street and asking them to dump their candy directly into her mouth. It’s all there in “Trick or Treat BITCHES!”

Over at the Bros’ relatively new all-girl site, Party of 3, the sapphic quintet – Alexis Fawx, Mercedes Lynn, Anastasia Morna, Blarie Banks, and the bootylicious Rachel Starr – get together and simply try on some costumes. Although they giddily prance around naked, it’s not until Rachel starts grab-assing whoever is wearing the spandex cop uniform that things get crazy. Forty-odd minutes of finger-banging, clit-licking, dildo-riding, strapon fucking lesbian action later, everyone agree that “Halloween Pussy Party” is one shindig they won’t soon forget.

Never ones to be outdone, Brazzers have pulled out all stops in their high-concept Halloween production, The Sexorcist, starring Sophie Dee, Zoe Voss, and Jordan Ash. Featured on Pornstars Like it Big, The Sexorcist sees supreme British whore Sophie playing a women driven to furious displays of unrestrained sexual aggressiveness by the demon that has possessed her. Concerned roommate Zoe gets caught in the demon’s grasp and suffers multiple squirts to the face, forcing her to call in The Sexorcist himself, Father Ash, in the hopes that this holy man can rid Sophie of her otherworldly affliction before she nails him, too. Somehow I kinda doubt he’s successful.

Staying well within the Earthly realm as it their M.O., Reality Kings throw their own Halloween bash on Money Talks. Resident cocksman Voodo takes to the streets in “Sleeping Booty” to pick up everyday hussies for a debasin’ good time in the RK van. One such girl, Megan Brown, is paid to lay down and allow her snatch to become a 3D canvas as Voodoo creates a snarling werewolf out of her upper thighs, complete with fake fangs between her lower lips. Hey, just because it’s “Reality,” doesn’t mean it has to make sense!

Tune in tomorrow, guys and ghouls, for the further adventures of “Monster” Pink for more sapphic Samhain celebrations and tittyfucking trick-or-treating.