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Halloween Roundup Part 2

In yesterday’s spooktacular installment of Mr. Pink’s Blog you read about Brazzers, Bang Bros, and Reality Kings’ attempts to creep you out while keeping you hard this Halloween. Now that The Big Three are outta the way, it’s time to delve even further into this year’s carnal celebrations with sites that cater to, well, a more refined clientele.

It seems only fitting that the masters of domination and subjugation, Kink dot com, would render a highly decadent take on Halloween with Mistress Bobbi Starr and the enslaved Tara Lynn Foxx. On Kink’s anal-focused site, Everything Butt, we find “Anal Haunting” a scene loaded with punishing rectal penetrations, anal stretching and gaping, and extremely potent rough sex. Imagine being Tara this Halloween, awoken from your coffin to a steel dildo-wielding Bobbi Starr! That’s enough to scare the bejeezus outta anyone!

Over at My XXX Pass, relative porno newcomer Jessie Andrews throws on a black and blue wig, sets her pumpkin pail down, and gorges on the biggest sucker she could find: a thick, long, and very stiff dick. Taking it so deep she fully earns her place in Throated’s Halloween update, Jessie gags, spits, tears up, and even tries to talk with her mouthful. Who taught you table manners, girl? Cannibals?!

Still with the orally fixated, the delightfully erotic Camille Crimson might not seem like the type to puke mid-blowjob, soiling her kinky Supergirl costume, that’s because she has perfected The Art of Blowjob. Offering something unique to her fans this Halloween, Camille refuses to take her lover’s cock in her mouth, instead stroking his shaft with licking and sucking his balls as if they were Everlasting Gobstoppers. As he inevitably blows, you’ll surely realize that Camille’s manual and oral skills alone aren’t responsible for his excitement – she’s wearing a pumpkin-orange slip so thin it’s practically see-though. That’d be enough to have any guy aching for some suction!

Quite possibly the most accomplished producer of spooky concept porn is the rather ironically named Joanna Angel. After winning the AVN Award for Best Web Premiere in 2011 for her Halloween parody, Dong of the Dead, this Burning Angel celebrates Halloween ‘11 with the ambitious Fuckenstein! Joanna’s eerie black-and-white parody of the original monster movie stars James Deen as Dr. Frankenstein, Ramon Nomar as The Monster, and Ms. Angel herself as The Bride, complete with lightning-strike bouffant hairdo. The major difference in this version of Mary Shelley’s classic horror tale, of course, is that The Bride takes a double-teaming from The Monster and his creator. A far cry from the social commentary of the original, sure, but a damn sight sexier!

Keep your third eyes peeled, dear readers, ‘cause if more horrific horniness hits the WWW before midnight of the 31st, “Putrid” Mr. Pink’s will have the complete, skin-scorching lowdown. Goreanteed!

Halloween Roundup Part 1

Every October people all around the world eagerly await Halloween, the one day every year when it’s not only acceptable to dress as a demonic sadist, ghetto street hooker, or zombified Captain America, it’s downright expected. The porn industry has always enjoyed some gussied-up Halloween antics and with the rise in popularity of parody porn, adult studios and websites seem even more eared towards presenting a decadent costume play that is strictly for the grown-ups. In this two-part blog, Mr. Pink is going to highlight some of the stunningly spooky pornographic achievements that have come to our attention in the lead up to All Hallow’s Eve.

Those randy rascals the Bang Bros have already added not one, but two Halloween-themed scenes to their highly-rated network, employing Nordic superstar Puma Swede and a quintet of lesbionic hussies for some all-out costumed degeneracy. Featured on Bang Bus, Puma Swede dons a kinky nurses uniform reminiscent of Kill Bill’s Elle Driver and roams around Miami in a pumpkin and spiderweb filled van, pulling random guys off the street and asking them to dump their candy directly into her mouth. It’s all there in “Trick or Treat BITCHES!”

Over at the Bros’ relatively new all-girl site, Party of 3, the sapphic quintet – Alexis Fawx, Mercedes Lynn, Anastasia Morna, Blarie Banks, and the bootylicious Rachel Starr – get together and simply try on some costumes. Although they giddily prance around naked, it’s not until Rachel starts grab-assing whoever is wearing the spandex cop uniform that things get crazy. Forty-odd minutes of finger-banging, clit-licking, dildo-riding, strapon fucking lesbian action later, everyone agree that “Halloween Pussy Party” is one shindig they won’t soon forget.

Never ones to be outdone, Brazzers have pulled out all stops in their high-concept Halloween production, The Sexorcist, starring Sophie Dee, Zoe Voss, and Jordan Ash. Featured on Pornstars Like it Big, The Sexorcist sees supreme British whore Sophie playing a women driven to furious displays of unrestrained sexual aggressiveness by the demon that has possessed her. Concerned roommate Zoe gets caught in the demon’s grasp and suffers multiple squirts to the face, forcing her to call in The Sexorcist himself, Father Ash, in the hopes that this holy man can rid Sophie of her otherworldly affliction before she nails him, too. Somehow I kinda doubt he’s successful.

Staying well within the Earthly realm as it their M.O., Reality Kings throw their own Halloween bash on Money Talks. Resident cocksman Voodo takes to the streets in “Sleeping Booty” to pick up everyday hussies for a debasin’ good time in the RK van. One such girl, Megan Brown, is paid to lay down and allow her snatch to become a 3D canvas as Voodoo creates a snarling werewolf out of her upper thighs, complete with fake fangs between her lower lips. Hey, just because it’s “Reality,” doesn’t mean it has to make sense!

Tune in tomorrow, guys and ghouls, for the further adventures of “Monster” Pink for more sapphic Samhain celebrations and tittyfucking trick-or-treating.

Hollywood’s Backend: Analysis From an Unconventional Assman

Ever since Jennifer Lopez’s singing career first exploded into the North American mainstream media, nobody really seems to care that much about tits anymore. Sure, you and I and every Joe Schmoe from Anchorage to Albuquerque still loves a nice pair of chest-mounted fleshy orbs, but it seems the most focus is these days falling lower on the female physical form – to the ass. Some expected the mass amounts of attention devoted to the rear end of Kim Kardashian would be the peak of Hollywood’s ass fever, but then came such notable white girl booties as those of Jessica Biel, Fergie, Jessica Alba, Kate Beckinsale, and Jennifer Aniston. Clearly asses are where it’s at.

But here at Mr. Pink’s we like to give the underdogs a shot. There are, after all, plenty of talented women in the entertainment industry that are blithely discarded from the ‘sexy’ pile and lumped into the ‘smart’ one, never to grace the pages of Maxim unless they’re there ironically. Actor, writer, and champion of home entertaining culture, Amy Sedaris, for one, is rarely regarded as anything but the funny lady from Strangers With Candy. Given the chance, though, Ms. Sedaris can shake her ass like nobody’s business, as this clip from Late Night with Jimmy Fallon proves.

Another under-appreciated derriere in Tinsel Town belongs to 90s teen movie also-ran, Mena Sevari. Although she’s been out of the spotlight for a number of years, Suvari hasn’t let her rear guard down, keeping male fans interested enough to post, repost, and rerepost paparazzi-shot bikini photos from her seemingly endless stream of beachfront vacations.

What of it, readers? Got any under-appreciated celebrity rumps needing more exposure? Leave a comment and let Mr. Pink see what he can drum up. Badoom-boom!

The Great Canadian Litigant

Having appeared on The Great Canadian Male, a site that purports to be “Where Canadian boys go gay!”, adult performer Tony Marcu (a.k.a. “Craig”) intended to return with his wife and son to his native Romania and start the next big adult e-commerce business. But after the Royal Canadian Mounted Police took ten months longer than promised to produce the background check required by Marcu, a dual-citizen of both countries, he’s now suing the Canadian government to the tune of $100 million. He says Romanian police produced his crystal clear background check for that country in two days.

Now back in Canada and living without his wife and son in a rooming house in Toronto, Marcu uses the local library’s free Internet access to search for porn industry jobs online. Unemployed and surviving on welfare, he’s determined to have his day in court and prove that bureaucratic negligence resulted in him losing his savings and loans that were to help him set up what he claims would have been a business with monthly revenue in the area of $34 million. And what would this business do exactly? Marcu told the Toronto Sun his company would have concerned itself with “import[ing] sex health products from Canada, sex toys and ice wine, along with the production of adult films, sales and erotic massage services.” Ice wine, really?

I suppose they can’t all be Peter North, eh?