Porn | Mr. Pink's Blog - Part 170

Spice Up Your Solo Sex Life

British four-piece pop group, The Spice Girls might’ve seemed naff at their heyday in 1997, but no matter how well cultivated your musical tastes might have been, you still knew them by their nicknames and precocious “Girl Power” ideology. And now, thanks to Jordan Septo, the master of the musically-inclined porn parodies, you’ll get to see Sporty, Scary, Ginger, Posh, and Baby Spice in refashions the biggest-selling girl group of all time as wannabe (geddit?) pornstars.

Following on from the success of Saturday Night Fever XXX: An Exquisite Films Parody and OMG… It’s the Flashdance XXX Parody, Septo has shifted focus to more recent nostalgia acts with the rather predictably titled OMG… It’s the Spice Girls Parody. With ol’ reliable Evan Stone taking the paternal role of the Spice Girls’ manager, Simon Fuller, the rest of the cast have been plucked from all stratas of the adult industry and given the chance to fill the tallest platforms in porn history. As Scary Spice (Melanie Brown), ring-locked Misty Stone gleefully strides with a buoyant smile and leopard-print catsuit. One of porn’s signature redheads, Dani Jensen seems a fairly appropriate fit for Ginger Spice (Geri Halliwell), but doesn’t quite fill out her signature Union Jack dress well enough, if you ask me. Baby Spice (Emma Bunton) is played by an effervescent and effusively girly Jessie Rogers, who dons a candy colored dress and pigtails. As the future wife of footballer David Beckham, Allie Haze does her best Posh Spice (Victoria Adams) impersonation in, what else but a little black Gucci dress. The incredibly fit (in more ways than one) Dani Daniels, hot on the heels of her breakthrough feature role for Elegant Angel, tackles arguably the most difficult Spice Girl, Sporty (Melanie Chisolm), who, thanks to her trim, boyish figure was unfortunately labelled “the lesbo one”.

I don’t know about you fellas, but I’ve been ogling the Spice Girls for years ever since Say You’ll Be There, so I’ve no complaints about this particular parody. What, though, of the precedent Septo’s latest effort sets? Where do we go from here, porn parodies of other musical acts? An Abba parody would be loads of fun, as would a parody focusing on the legendary sexual exploits of some famous rock studs – Hendrix and Cynthia Plaster-Caster, Led Zep and a tuna, both the Glimmer and the Toxic Twins perhaps – but history dictates the end result will be something nobody wants to see: Nickelback porn.

(At least there’s already a fitting soundtrack.)

Universal Pictures Sues Fifty Shades Parodists

Universal Pictures might be developing the official film adaptation of Fifty Shades of Grey, the hit erotic fiction trilogy that has had sexually unsatisfied American women all in a tizzy these past months, but it’s not the only entertainment entity attempting to capture the seductive and salacious BDSM-infused story of a virginal college graduate, Anastasia Steele, and dominant business magnate, Christian Grey. Smash Pictures, an adult entertainment studio based out of Chatsworth, California has already completed production on its adaptation, an unofficial one that is now drawing the ire of Universal and the attention of its lawyers. Objecting to Smash’s making a film that flagrantly contradicts the right of Universal, which reportedly paid $4 million for E. L. James’ best sellers in early 2012, to produce its version, which the studio is reportedly negotiating with Angelina Jolie directing and Ryan Gosling taking the role of young multi-millionaire and devoted ass-man, Grey. Smash Pictures, however, contends that only it can do the novels justice.

Universal’s complaint states “By lifting exact dialogue, characters, events, story, and style from the Fifty Shades trilogy, Smash Pictures ensured that the first XXX adaptation was, in fact, as close as possible to the original works.” Smash VP Stuart Wall, named in the complaint alongside Smash owner Daniel Quinn and writer/director Jim Powers, told LA Weekly’s Barbie Davenporte about the company’s recent turn to more romantic fare after years of more explicit stuff, and called their Fifty Shades adaptation “very true to the book and its S&M-themed romance.” Davenporte added “And while parodies are the only way adult film studios can make money these days, making a ‘Fifty Shades’ version is truly the only way to put the three erotic novels in film in their BDSM glory without the MPAA censorship and film industry finger-wagging.” But if Smash and Powers are actually aiming for as close an adaptation as possible, does their claim to fair use of parody, the same legal protection that allows so many other porn parodies to exist, not apply? Without the clear distinction between the two versions of Fifty Shades, Smash’s and Universal’s, and the former already on shelves as the official one slugs through development and preproduction, both parties stand to make or loss a killing.

Elegant Angel Ranks Black Pornstars

Elegant Angel is a company that lives to rank and categorize pornstars. From the always-successful Performers of the Year releases to feature titles celebrating a woman who has finally earned herself a headline role, Elegant Angel’s features often focus on achievements made by performers instead of a niche sexual act like so many other studios. Now, after the success of its 100 Sexiest Porn Stars Ever and 25 Sexiest Boobs Ever countdowns, EA once again let the fans have their say, urging them to vote for the 25 Sexiest Black Porn Stars Ever. The results? Well, they’re a little predictable but worth celebrating nonetheless.

While I can’t help but think it’s a little absurd to keep African American performers firmly in their own category while the white girls and Latinas battle it out in the unqualified, racially diverse Sexiest Pornstars poll – only three black performers made that list: Roxy Reynolds, Pinky, and Jada Fire – is that simply because black women in porn have proven to be fairly unpopular? Lex Steele and Prince Yashua are top draws, perpetuating the myth of dominant black male sexuality (though you can hardly blame them or their generous genes for that), while black women seem relegated to niche releases. If Nyomi Banxxx is the sexiest black female performer of all time, how come she didn’t make the general top 100 poll?

Although Elegant Angel hasn’t disclosed the numerical rank of the 25 Sexiest Black Porn Stars Ever, here are the names emblazoned on the box art: Nyomi Banxxx, Jada Fire, Skin Diamond, Misty Stone, Megan Vaughan, Roxy Reynolds, Bethany Benz, Baby Cakes, Marie Luv, Pinky, Ana Foxxx, Catalina Taylor, Evanni Solei, Vanessa Blue, Cherokee, Carmen Hayes, Olivia Winters, Kitten, Bella Moretti, Leilani Leeane, Lacey Duvalle, Jasmine Cashmere…

Well, that’s 22 of them. Who are the other three? I guess we’ll have to wait until 25 Sexiest Black Porn Stars Ever inches closer to confirming a release date. In the meantime, Complex ranked their favorite black adult performers and came up with some decidedly different results.

Lane Sisters Snag XBIZ Nomination

Canadian sisters Roxy and Shana Lane received their first Mr. Pink’s review only a few weeks ago after launching their site only a few short months prior, but it looks like they’re already making an impact. XBIZ has just announced that the near-identical brunettes have garnered a nomination for said industry body’s awards in the category of Web Star of the Year.

Beating out more than 4,500 other pre-nominated adult performers, the Lane Sisters’ nomination pits them against online porn mainstays like Kelly Madison, Ariel Rebel, Jelena Jensen and Vicky Vette, which Roxy calls “scary but exciting. Without all the love and support from our fans, none of this would be possible.”

Tera Patrick, Roxy and Shana’s sometime guest star, is set to present the 2013 XBIZ Awards on January 11 in Century City, Los Angeles.