Entertainment | Mr. Pink's Blog

Vivid’s 10 Best Sex Tapes

Hollywood and the porn industry aren’t as separate as many would like to believe. Aside from geographical proximity, there’s many other factors shared by both industries: an obsession with physical beauty, market dominance by a select few studios, a growing piracy problem, and a reputation for filling the world with puerile nonsense.

There’s also a few more direct commonalities best exemplified by the rise of celebrity sex tapes. And nobody in porn is better equipped to discuss the “private” hardcore recordings of minor (very, very minor) celebrities than the man who ushered them into homes around the world: Vivid Entertainment founder and co-chairman, Mr. Steven Hirsch. Speaking to Supercompressor, Hirsch laid out his opinion on which pseudo-celeb fuck-fests were the most influential and, dare I say, important.

Predictably, tapes featuring Kendra Wilkinson, Kim Kardashian, Farrah Abraham, and Tila Tequila all make the list, but notably absent is arguably the most famous sex tape of all time: 1 Night in Paris. Originally released by Red Light Video, the video that thrust Ms. Hilton into our hearts and homes doesn’t strictly count as a Vivid release in Hirsch’s eyes, not like Backdoor to Chynna starring the wrestler of the same name or The 11th Hole, which starred Tiger Woods’ real-life mistress Joslyn James, both of which Vivid had exclusive rights to from the beginning, even before the shoot… Wait a good gosh darned minute!

Of the ten titles noted by Hirsch as paragons of celebrity sex tape culture are not the private homemade kind at all, but faux amateur productions that, from the get-go, were clearly intended to launch the porn careers, however short-lived, of their stars. Farrah Abraham Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom co-starred the biggest male pornstar on Earth, Chynna’s feature was the result of her pitch to Vivid and featured standard porno production values, Montana Fishburne was gearing up for a longer career in adult before her famous pops put an end to it, and Real Housewives of Atlanta spin-off Mimi & Nikko: Scandal in Atlanta was an obvious cash-grab attempt at further infamy, and Kendra Exposed was so clearly a publicity stunt that even Ms. Wilkinson’s tears over its release were declared as fake as a Cetaphil Lotion cumshot.

Call me a cynic, but I’ll take genuine amateur porn, for all its shitty camerawork and no-name performers, over a phony “private” celebrity vanity production any day.

It’s a Bat-Porn Party

Known by many names – Bruce Wayne, The Caped Crusader, The Dark Knight – the superhero most know as Batman was created 75 years ago this week by Bob Kane and Bill Finger. With the roaring success of Christopher Nolan’s acclaimed Dark Knight movie trilogy only just winding down, it seems an appropriate time to investigate other arenas in which to see Batman tussle with trouble. Yes, even if some of those arenas are inappropriate for the young’uns. Oh, you’re all miffed about the corruption and perversion of an iconic character of fiction? Don’t blame me, dude, blame Axel Braun.

Arguably the first and most influential adult film to combine a contemporary take on classic superheroes with explicit sexual activity, Axel Braun’s 2010 feature, Batman XXX: A Porn Parody put Dale DaBone in the grey, black, and blue duds and cast then up-and-comer James Deen as Robin, Lexi Belle as Batgirl, Tori Black as Catwoman, Evan Stone as The Riddler, and Randy Spears as The Joker. Cleanly directed by Braun with a heavy dose of ironic humor, the Vivid release saw much success and brought more comic book fans to porn than 1970s Lois Lane, Margot Kidder appearing in Playboy. Soon, superhero porn parodies were flooding the market and Batman remained chief pussy-pounder among the heroes now dropping their drawers for your entertainment.

BatFXXX: Dark Knight Parody came along shortly after Braun’s feature, directed by NIcholas Steele for Bluebird Films and starring Nick “Droppin’ loads!” Manning as the titular cape-wearer, Madelyn Marie as Katwoman, and Krissy Lynn as a female Robin named “Robina.” Also in 2011, Extreme Comixxx released The Justice League of Porn Star Heroes XXX, which saw Evan Stone, who’d previously played one of Batman’s arch nemeses, now picking up the mantle with glee. Battling an evil threat to the very existence of porn itself, the intrepid team of heroes ends the picture draining their, uh, “powers” all over Wonder Woman for a truly childhood-destroying climax.

Braun brought it all back home to Vivid in 2012 – or, more specifically, to the company’s new Braun-directed line of comic book parodies, Vivid Superheroes – with The Dark Knight XXX: A Porn Parody, his take on Christopher Nolan’s dark and brooding Batman trilogy. This time with some thoroughly impressive costuming and special effects, and with Giovanni Francesco the latest actor to portray Kane and Finger’s globally famous vigilante, saw the biggest and boldest comic book parody yet. It was also less a traditional parody and more an explicit re-imagining of the recent blockbuster films, ditching the humor and instead aiming for high drama with hardcore fucking, spinal mutilation, bizarre appearances from Zatana and John Constantine, and villain Bane (Derrick Pierce) seemingly breaking Batman and making off with the tightest of his many squeezes.

With Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice due to arrive in theaters in May of 2016, we’ll likely see a couple of hardcore parodies of DC’s two biggest heroes hit the real and virtual shelves in the lead up to its release. And this time, whoever is cast as Batman is only going up against Ben Affleck, so they’ve probably already secured the fan’s allegiance and should coast to monumental sales. Me, I just want to see a porn version of Mister (or even Miss) Mxyzptlk. Make it happen, Braun!

Oh yeah, and happy birthday, Batman.

My Special Wartime Buddy

Americans love their war heroes. If you don’t, maybe you’re not really an American! Our veterans left their homes and families (and, in many cases, a poverty-stricken future) to fight on the front lines in the battle for peace and global supremacy, many of them losing life or limb in the unbelievably brutal process. Still, love them dearly though we may, there’s plenty left unrevealed about The Greatest Generation… like how great their asses were.

In commemoration of the 70th anniversary of D-Day, Taschen Books has announced the September 2014 release of ‘My Buddy: World War II Laid Bare’, a collection of more than 500 photographs sourced and compiled by Los Angeles photographer Michael Stokes. Edited by noted men’s magazine producer and Taschen veteran Dian Hanson, My Buddy depicts the close relationships formed under the barrage of artillery fire. As encouraged by their commanding officers, ground troops formed “buddy” relationships with each other that ensured they had someone to rely on for emotional support. In times of great, even inhuman stress, playtime is usually a gosh darn riot! And, when your playmates are all strapping young 18, 19, 20-year-old fellas fighting for home and country, it’s pretty easy on the eyes too.

soldiers

In his introduction, ex-Marine and author of Hollywood sexploit memoir Full Service, Scotty Bowers, lays it out in its most basic terms: “You close your eyes for a little bit, but don’t really sleep. It’s raining. You’re wet and it rains, frankly, every day and every night. Some guys huddle together, some don’t, but this is when the buddy bonding starts. You need somebody you can depend on, and they can depend on you. You can tell the type of buddy that you’d want to be with in a foxhole: Someone who is on the ball. Someone who’s not going to get upset and nervous.”

Eschewing the combat photography that has become a staple of WWII tributes and remembrances in favor of showing what a grunt’s downtime might involve – communal bathing, sandy oceanside frolicking, makeshift mountaintop showers, impromptu beefcake shoots on equipment cases, naked rainforest romps during the Guadalcanal campaign, and just plain ol’ semi-naked hand-holding – My Buddy aims to shed a little light on the underreported romances (platonic or otherwise) that spring up where you might least (or most, depending on your perspective on men-in-uniform) expect it: the trenches of War World II.

Drips of Sweetness, Cum Like Candy

A friend of mine, regaling me with the story of her first experience doling out fellatio, once told me that ejaculate tasted like “egg white and seawater.” As appetizing as that cocktail may seem to a few, the taste of ejaculate is often cited as a reason some women and men are reluctant to open their mouths for their semen-filled lovers. Some foods can alter the taste – pineapple juice makes it sweeter; asparagus should be avoided at all costs – but that wasn’t enough for the creative geniuses behind Florida-based manufacturer of sexual wellness products, HiPleasures. The crew’s latest creation promises to lighten the heavier tastes in your load for a sugary sweet deposit that should have any would-be sucker heading back for seconds. And, get this, it’s called Sugar Cum!

Sugar Cum contains “Proprietary Blend 650mg, Pineapple Extract, Acai Extract, Papaya Extract, Wheatgrass Extract & cinnamon,” and vows to enhance the flavor not only of male ejaculate, but of female genital discharges, too! Priced at $5.99 per two-pill pack, Sugar Cum is something of a luxury purchase aimed at those either desperate to convince their partner for more frequent oral sex or considerate enough to surprise their partner with an after-dinner treat that doesn’t involve frozen yogurt with mounds of toppings. That said, couldn’t you just hit the Jamba Juice before meeting your date or encourage her to drink Cape Cods and not Black Russians? The folks at both Cosmopolitan UK and Jezebel seem to think it’s a worthwhile tool to try. After all, a number of commenters complained about the taste of their own vaginal discharges, so you can imagine what their partners must’ve thought mid-lap!

The contents of Sugar Cum capsules can be dissolved in water for easy consumption and can be purchased directly from HiPleasures.