Laughs | Mr. Pink's Blog

Poké-men dig Strokémon

Quit Pokémon Go for just a second and check this shit out! Not only has the latest iteration of the pocket monster phenomenon led to a larger game playing audience than any earlier Pokémon release, it has sparked a worldwide obsession that has Wall Street bankers and McDonald’s workers on the picket line both using their smart phones to ensnare the little digital critters. Even adult webcam performers leapt onto the Pokémon Go bandwagon, using cosplay and screen-sharing to enjoy the game with their fans. Now, naturally, it’s the mainstream porn world’s turn.

RK Prime, a newish Reality Kings site with no clear premise, unleashed its Pokémon parody on July 30th, an outdoor scene that saw Xander Corvus on a hunt for “Pikapuss” (Annika Eve in her second scene) and, upon finding her, fills her mouth beneath a tree then pulls her inside to slide into her yellow-outfitted snatch as she cries “Pika! Pika!” in pleasure.

Team Skeet also joined in the fun with a pair of Poké-focused scenes for Exxxtra Small and Teen Pies and starring Freya Von Doom and Cece Capella respectively. Freya arrived first, landing July 28th in her bright yellow “Pikahoe” outfit, ducking and dodging an eager trainer before respawning in his living room and exposing her very much pink and human orifices. For a change of pace, Cece Capella laid around in her Teen Pies scene, staring at a Pikachu plushie and daydreaming about catching one of her own. After dozing off, Cece wakes up to a real, living, already erect (but curiously human male) Pikachu who proceeds to bring her Poké-fucking fantasies to life.

You would think that with Pokémon Go roaring up the app charts and distracting every second pedestrian under the age of 55, this would be the prime Poké-parody era but, really, all three of the above listed scenes were outdone months and months ago by two distinctly different takes on the gaming phenomenon. Back in January of 2015, Cosplay Babes had busty British wonder Harmony Reigns dress up in her best Ash cap and grab her Pokéballs for an interracial hardcore fuckfest. It’s WoodRocket, the comedy-porn hybrid studio started by Lee Roy Myers, that still rules the porno Pok é-parody roost, though, thanks largely to the studio’s devotion to absurdity. Starring Rizzo Ford as Dikachu, a squirt-shooting female monster whose trainer, Gash (Tyler Nixon) carries quite an impressive package. Badly acted with questionable costuming and even a rather dire script, Strokémon takes the cake because it pushes further than simple cosplay and reimagines the Pokêverse as an utterly perverted playground for all kinds of sexual creatures, human and otherwise, without getting too close to some bizarre fucking fantasies. Dikachu might not look like an electrified rodent exactly, but you wouldn’t confuse her for 100% human either.

There’ll no doubt be more Poké-themed scenes and parodies on the horizon now that Pokémon Sun and Moon has been announced, so keep a beady eye trained at Mr. Pink’s for more info and analysis as they appear.

Preparing for Porn

Last week we compared advice for pursuing and achieving successful anal sex from magazines GQ and Complex, and from adult performer Valentina Nappi, who not only seems destined to become a lifelong porno legend but has earned a reputation for cutting through the bullshit and pretension rife in today’s porn industry. Ms. Nappi’s guide to getting her ass ready for an anal shoot was predictably more detailed and worthwhile than anything GQ or Complex had to say, spurring on further Mr. Pink’s investigation into just how pornstars prepare themselves for the physical gauntlet that is a hardcore shoot.

Enter WoodRocket, a porno revolution in digital form. Packed to the proverbial gills with all kinds of informative backstage glimpses into professional porno life (as well as a killer range of original porn parodies), WoodRocket’s regular Ask a Pornstar feature recently spoke with porn’s best and boldest to discover what helps them get ready to shoot some smut. From the obvious (April O’Neil gets a good nights rest) to the hilarious (Mickey Mod keeps himself hard at gangbangs by browsing Tumblr), a dozen-or-so performers both female and male dish on their pre-scene rituals.

Anna Bell Peaks says she performs via webcam before almost every shoot, masturbating for fans and having at least one orgasm to really put her in the mood. Also a confessed pre-scene masturbator, Trinity St. Clair only packs one bright outfit along with many dull ones, giving her director no choice but to let her wear what she wants; a real comfort. Rain DeGrey admits to Twitter-stalking her co-stars before a shoot, trying to find attractive qualities but going so far as canceling shoots because they proved a shithead online. Amarna Miller Seemingly concerned more with herself than her partners, the always intriguing Claire Robbins nakedly admits to standing before a mirror to poke and prod and examine her body before letting a camera capture her naked, a ritual that “put [her] in the right mindset” for porn.

Bathing is obviously important, as is personal grooming. Amarna Miller hit the bathroom or salon to ensure her signature red hair is properly, evenly dyed and that her natural roots aren’t showing. A long, hot shower or bath is a common night-before preparation, though I was somewhat surprised to hear most women asked say they shave, obviously having worked out any issues with skin irritants and visible razor-burn over the years. Still in the bathroom, enemas and douching proved very popular, the latter somewhat surprisingly. After horror stories and urban legends of rampant fatal infections, tearing, and acid burns, I naively assumed douching had gone the way of the dodo but instead it’s thriving in Porn Valley: Jade Nile mixes coconut oil with a little tea-tree oil while Draven Star and most others seem to stick with fresh water. (Spanish-accented Amarna Miller saying it’s necessary to “not have a funny pussy.”)

Women prod and poke and preen themselves, take of physical cleanliness both external and internal, and try to summon as much enthusiasm as possible, but aside from Mickey Mod trawling Tumblr, what do the men do to ready themselves? Mick Blue, reigning AVN Male Performer of the Year, spoke up and revealed his very own private pre-porn ritual: a double espresso. That’s it.

WoodRocket and Rule #34

When was the last time anybody but Axel Braun was so universally celebrated for parodying pop-culture icons in hardcore adult movies? Even some holders of the intellectual properties being parodied admitted first to a curiosity then, an interest, and finally an appreciation of the irreverent super-hero, comic book, TV, and movie-lampooning releases. Well, move on over, Mr. Braun ’cause it looks like your bombastic mega-budget mockbusters could be under threat from the studio that’s proving to be more punk rock than mainstream pop, more Brain Candy than Awakenings, if you will. That studio is WoodRocket.

Founded by Lee Roy Myers, among others, WoodRocket’s bizarre blending of slapstick comedy, pop-culture parody, hardcore porn, and social satire have made it one of the most promising new studios to pop up in some time. Having already pushed porn parodies further than anyone ever thought – SpongeKnob SquareNuts, Sex Toy Story, and even that Jerry-Seinfeld-and-pal-driving-around web series thing, they’ve all been WoodRocket subjects – the studio could have started to focus more on its non-porn webseries James Deen Loves Food and Memes I’d Like to Fuck (see below) or on outlandish projects like a life-size Darth Vader built from sex toys. Parodies have remained an essential part of WoodRocket, though, and we’re now seeing the most courageous and inventive skewering of pop-culture icons since Edward Penishands quietly became a cult comedy hit.

edward penishands

Apparently feeling that squirts and stoners shouldn’t get to have all the cartoonish fun, Myers and company followed up SpongeKnob and Sex Toy Story with Strokemon, the first live-action Pokemon parody starring Rizzo Ford as Dikachu, who’s given a solid working-over by Gash (Tyler Nixon) and Fisty (Kassondra Raine) and just go damn squeals the whole time. Now, I’ll admit to being a bit too long in the tooth to understand the less obvious Pokemon references and jokes, but where the recent Bill and Ted’s SEXcellent Adventure-parodying photoshoot starring Lily Bergman, Jessica Dawn, and Vuko as Bill S. Preston, Esq. and Ted “Theodore” Logan, and the history-spanning cast of influential figures from Lincoln to Beethoven, Genhis Kahn to Joan of Arc is concerned, I’m so on-board it’s ridiculous.

Whatever your pop-culture fancy, be it Naked Lunch or The Nanny, WoodRocket’s likely to have considered skewering it with sex, proving that just because it made you laugh in your teens doesn’t mean it can’t be masturbation fodder of the highest caliber in your adult years.

Great Moments in Amateur Sex Toy Design

The launch of the 2015 installment of Lovehoney’s Design a Sex Toy Contest isn’t only cause for celebration if you’re a wannabe product designer with an erotically inclined mind, it’s also worth investigating if you’re a fan of the myriad absurd and ridiculous concoctions people dream up to help them and their fellow humans with alleviating sexual frustration. BuzzFeed knows this all too well, having collected an array of the weirdest and most curious submissions from years gone by. Here, we examine a few of the standout submissions that, creative or not, have such limited potential it’s a wonder they got as far as a concept drawing.

The Biter, a triple threat providing a penile sheath for male masturbation, a vibrating phallus for female masturbation, and a pair of chomping teeth (to simulate biting, duh) to put the fear of good dentistry into every male user and confuse the fuck out of females.

the biter

Ever wanted to prove your anal agility at a very liberal party by plugging your ass and opening everyone’s beers for them? If only this ingenious device had made it to production, you could!

bottle opener

The Camel seems intent on giving women an enjoyably bumpy ride thanks to its (apparent) G-spot stimulating head, clit-attending hump, and beaded ass-filling tail. If only its creator was truly inspired, the Camel could’ve been a spitting llama – everyone’d buy that!

the camel

This one’s a pussycat. I don’t know what it does. Meow sexily at you? Is that what the lower compartment is for, the meowing mechanism?

pussycat

Think you can do better than these crafty little sex toy designs? Lovehoney wants to know about it. Submit your creations to the 2015 Design a Sex Toy Contest and you could win up to £150,000 in prizes and royalties!