Laughs | Mr. Pink's Blog

Fuck to Play: Negotiating a Record Deal with Life Selector – Pt. 3

So, I’m trying to fuck band manager Simony Diamond and have her sign my garage band to one hell of a deal, but she’s reluctant. Why? ‘Cause I’m a godawful guitar player who jumps ahead, pulling out his dick when nothing positive, not even your most basic pleasantry, has been exchanged. Simony already rejected me once, but thanks to Life Selector’s resume/revise options, I can take a few steps back and adjust my tactics.

Instead of whipping it out as abruptly as Eddie Murphy does in Bowfinger when cornering those saucy Lakers Girls, this time I play it more cool, letting my fingers wander up Simony’s thigh. Now, this is clearly more her speed! Parting her legs and quickening her breathing, she’s reacting just as I’d hoped she would. I can’t stop there, though, not with a woman this incredibly seductive at my virtual fingertips. Life Selector presents a choice: a twix attack (two fingers, two holes) or grabbing a finger-sized vibe to help my would-be Svengali cum. Since I’m trying to land myself a killer deal and a platinum record or ten, I opt for the later. She cums hard, gasping for air as her thighs quiver. So far, so good.

Now she wants to, in the words of Dirk Diggler, “feel my heat”. I’m not even given an option here, it’s fuck or nothing, so I fuck. Missionary and doggy are my position options, but I can also fuck her anally, grab that vibe and make her cum again, or skip straight to my own climax; where’s the fun in that? Do I spend the eight additional token it’ll cost to butt-fuck this Hungarian rock exec? How do I know she won’t freak out and show me the door? I suppose I don’t and won’t unless I take the rear-passage plunge, so I dump my tokens and am instantly inside her ass, plugging away.

Strangely, this immediate leap to the next selected activity can make Life Selector feel less than truly interactive porn and more like a selection of clips that play at a moment’s notice, ’cause that’s exactly what it is. After pounding her ass for a while, I decide it’s time to blow this joint (so to speak) and hit the ‘Cumming’ button. Suddenly she’s not on her back but her knees and I’m not fucking her ass but her pussy. How did this happen? What smooth line did I attempt while turning her over? These are the little erotic treasures missing from Life Selector. Even if the life you desire is filled with impersonal romps with complete strangers who are just as likely to dismiss you as they are bend over and grab their ankles, don’t you want to experience the little things? Isn’t it just like Al Pacino’s Ricky Roma tells a client in Glengarry Glen Ross? That of the great fucks you may have had, the thing you remember probably isn’t your orgasm; it’s something her hair did, something she said… the things Life Selector seems to be missing.

Whatever the case, fucking Simony Diamond in the ass got me and my bandmates to our first show. Check out these adoring fans!

But with the burning need for mass adoration driving me back to the garage to practice and dream, what’s next for the guitar-slinging, groupie-fucking, Madison Square Garden-filling Mr. Pink?

Fuckin’ Like a Rock Star with Life Selector – Pt. 2

“Rock chicks like it rough, don’t they?” With that and my desire to entertain thousands at the biggest stadiums in the country in mind, I chose to pull the hair of my very first groupie mid-blowjob. The young lady doing the blowing, the one I previously identified as Simony Diamond, is in fact someone else entirely. (Life Selector isn’t as clear as it should be when identifying its models.) Whoever she is, her accent is trés sexy, her fashion sense is somewhere between Avril Lavigne and Jenna Haze in groupie mode, and she seemed to respond well to my virtual hair-pulling; so well that she’s decided something else is in order. Now, do I want a handjob (nah), to explode on her face (maybe) or fill her mouth with my seed (perhaps). For visual flair, I’ll choose a facial. And with that, dear reader, I blast my nameless first groupie from brow to chin, huffing and puffing as I make my deposit. She seems satisfied enough, but I’ve still got rock star dreams to fulfill. Which brings me to (the real) Simony Diamond.

Reclining on a sofa, tattoos on full display, iPhone (in KISS case) in her hand, texting, band manager Simony Diamond looks up to greet me.
“Hi, I’ve heard about you,” she says in a thick Hungarian accent and pointing to a purple Gibson Les Paul, she asks to be shown some of my skills. From the way she continues texting and occasionally rolling her eyes, I can tell she’s not an fan of poorly composed, inauthentic sounding midi-guitar. Another choice appears: Do I show her my “finger technique” or impress her with “my other great skill” (a.k.a.: my dick!)?

This being the virtual fulfillment of my destiny, I pull my dick out and expect her to leap on it. After all, it’s a pretty hefty thing and she doesn’t seem that enthralled in her heavy metal magazine. With my cock out and erect, I sit there on the sofa before the incredible Simony Diamond. She bolts upright! “Hey, go out, motherfucker!” she yells, pointing towards the door. “Shit! Go out!”

I blew it, folks, but thanks to Life Selector’s resumable, amendable storylines, I can simply jump back to the beginning, follow the same path as before and simply pick an alternate option at the moment of crisis.

Join me next week as I endeavor to not only nail that contract but Ms. Diamond, too.

Idiot Head

There’s a new adult webcomic site in town. Nineteen year self-publishing veteran of indie comics, Adam Talley (Pleasant Life, Anna Pocalypse, Star Wars/Marvel/DC Sketch Card Artist) has launched his new adults only webcomic through his site at http://www.idiothead.com! The site itself has two main web strips. One is a superhero erotica strip called STARSLAM, the other is a comedic short strip collection called PORN WORLD WEEKLY. The site also features short story written erotica by Adam himself along with art gallery. You can also purchase original art from the strips and commissions to help support the work.

And best part of all: IT’S FREE!

“We live in a day and age where people can get what they want and how they want it. We also are struggling with how we want to make people pay for the work. I say we should strive for a different approach because of this change. We should be asking how can we LET them pay for it! The only way I know is to offer it initially for free, but to then offer more content and original artwork to own a “piece” of the history of the project,” says Adam from his office in Central Michigan.

Yes, the site is free. However readers have the option of either waiting til every Monday when a new Starslam strip is put up or to pre-buy the content in a digital form for a measly $2. “For $2 you get a downloadable PDF of the chapter that you can read in your computer, or mobile device. To go that option, you get two additional pages of art that won’t be on the regular site. It will be two extra pages during the sex scenes in the story! Trust me, that alone is worth the price!” says Adam. And of course, another way to support the site and what Adam is doing is to purchase original art! “I do commissions and believe me, I am pretty much open to doing anything a client wants to get done. Or they can buy the original art from their favorite strip from the site! All of the cash earned goes back into the site to keep it going. This truly is a project funded by all of us because we believe in the overall message and theme of creating a ‘sex positive’ world.”

STARSLAM is a superhero erotica parody story about a new superhero who is slowly discovering her powers. She joins up with a team of other heroes and slowly discovers the joys of superhero companionship. When finally achieving orgasm, she releases a toxin in the air that makes all who are born with the superhero DNA 1,000 times horny than normal! It effects her team and those who they fight against in crazy and unique ways! “This is part parody and part serious. Most of the comics I read of an erotic nature tend to be a bit farcical and nutty. Not much story. Girls are just horny whores and do anything. This is a bit more grounded and told from a female perspective. I think it can attract female readers as well as those who are fans of superhero erotica,” Adam adds. New Starslam strips are uploaded every Monday morning.

The other main strip is called PORN WORLD WEEKLY, about two nerds who review porn on a cable access show and never agree. They go to porn conventions, interview (or try to interview) porn stars and always end up failing. Adam says, “This strip is based on characters my best friend and I created a long time ago in a skit type of form. Its basically a funny strip to enjoy on the side as extra content.”

Lastly, there are short story EROTIC WRITTEN FICTION at the site. “Erotic fiction is being read in the mainstream now. I think that Fifty Shades of Grey really opened up a lot, and I’m thankful for that! Hopefully now people take that a step further and look for other erotic fiction! I have been working on a book of short stories and I am willing to share some of them on the site to keep people there reading and interested in hanging out and enjoying the site. Again, its all free, so why not!” Adam says.

Adam wants the site to become a sort of hub for erotic entertainment and promote what he calls a “sex positive” way of thinking. “I think in the mainstream, minds are starting to become more open to these concepts. People are curious. They are exploring the world and their own lifestyle. I want to be a part of that.”

Adam has published in comics for close to twenty years. He has published eight graphic novels, worked with a variety of clients and has done commissions (erotica and not) all over the world. He travels all over the United States promoting himself and his work. Visit his site and enjoy the new comics and stories at http://www.idiothead.com

Gasping at Dildos with Kelly Brook and Keith Lemon

While many in the United States only know her as an insanely attractive walk-on player in such movies as The Italian Job, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, and Piranha 3D, Kelly Brook has a long career in her native England, a career encompassing everything from billboard modeling and a stint as a Page Three girl to, well, lunging blindfolded and open-mouthed at a dildo while seated across from fellow television personality Holly Willoughby, whose nickname “Willough-booby” gives you some indication of her talents. Yes, you read that correctly.

That absurdly mustachioed man messing with his lovely lady guests is Keith Lemon, a character created by British comedian Leigh Francis, whose antics revolve almost entirely around his libido and, for whatever reason, he has managed to thrust an erect phallus in front of two open-mouthed superbabes as they bob and weave, attempting to catch a straw (a dildo, a fish…) between their lips.

In comparison, American television’s most recently incident of extreme sexual suggestiveness was, well, Seth MacFarlane hosting the Oscars. With competition like that, it’s no wonder the Brits, those sexually naive and hilariously awkward Brits, might have us beat this season.