Just Because They Suck You… Doesn’t Mean They Like You!

Clerks XXXIt’s not inconceivable that even before the rise of parody porn, wannabe Hollywood auteur Kevin Smith hoped and dreamed that his debut feature film, Clerks, would strike such a chord with contemporary society that it’d eventually be turned into something even more pornographic than his dialogue. Now, almost twenty years after Clerks’ 1994 release, a Clerks porn parody is available from Vivid Entertainment.

Providing the Clerks slackers with far more sexual opportunities than the original film, Clerks XXX: A Porn Parody sees Allie Haze and Lexi Swallow fill the presumably loosely-tied boots of Dante and Randall as Dana and Randi, who spend their workday embroiled in all sorts of lewd and lascivious (and presumably humorous) situations. Joining Haze and Swallow are Chastity Lynn as Jane and Kelly Devine as Silent Bertha, the gender-bending XXX versions of Jay and Silent Bob. Other performers include Jayden Lee, Seth Gamble, Brian Street Team, and Evan Stone as the most obnoxious series of customers imaginable – yes, every one.

Clerks XXX is now available for viewing at Vivid’s online HQ, but those who want the full “rise of the indies” experience should pick up the DVD release, which includes a non-hardcore black-and-white version. Although with presumably better dialog recordings than Smith’s original. Oh, and Smith has been unusually silent about this highly explicit tribute, perhaps too immersed in his adored and officially endorsed Fleshlight to pay it much mind.

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