Calling Preston Parker

Preston ParkerA couple of months ago there was some shifting in the Bang Bros lineup, both behind the scenes and in front of the camera lens. Preston Parker, the voice and penis who pasted the faces of so many greenhorn pornstars at Facial Fest, the man in the van with the camera in hand for the infamous Bang Bus, has apparently departed Bro-town for the greener pastures of Reality Kings.

The first evidence to point to Preston’s departure, at least the first evidence I saw, was during Asa Akira’s inaugural Bang Bus expedition back in mid-April when the guy wielding the camera first spoke. “Those aren’t the usual dulcet tones we hear from Preston,” I thought. I was soon proven right when one of Asa’s soon-to-be-conquests boarded the bus and remarked that although both Asa Akira and the bus itself were familiar to him, the director was not. Coming very close to looking a gift horse right in the kisser, this cunning linguist said that he was expecting “the other guy,” prompting Asa and the new director to share a chuckle and inform the snatch-happy beach bum that there’s a new guy in town. His name? Well, actually, that particular nugget of information is somewhat still eluding me. I did, however, find Preston Parker alive and well on another critically acclaimed reality-based hardcore network.

Reality Kings might not have an exact replica of either Facial Fest or Bang Bus for Preston to waltz right into, the transition from BB to RK can’t have been too difficult. Preston has already appeared in a dozen episodes for Reality Kings, mostly for Street Blowjobs, which finds him back behind the camera shooting porno newbies sucking him off and taking his hefty load across their faces, but also for Moms Bang Teens, Big Naturals, First Time Auditions, Round and Brown, MILF Hunter, and In the VIP, the latter of which sees him get all liquored up with a gang of wildly unreserved sexual dynamos for an orgy he won’t soon forget.

So, while the reasons behind Preston’s relocating from Bang Bros to Reality Kings remain a mystery, fans of the wisecracking’ seed-spewing former gay-for-pay performer are still able to get their fill of Preston’s powerful facials in many Reality Kings updates to come.

Preston Parker Reality Kings

Asa’s Second South Beach Pickup

Asa Akira Bang BusAfter regaling you, dear reader, with the details of Asa Akira’s first Bang Bus conquest, all me another brief moment to tell you all about her second. No, she’s not back for another visit to Miami; she fucked three dudes in one trip! The first, as I’m sure you’ll recall, not only managed to get hard and stay hard for the duration of his time with the multiple AVN-winning Japanese-American hottie, but managed to make a very strong impression on both Asa, who clearly wanted to snuggle after the sex, and on whoever the new guy taking over from former Bang Bus helmer Preston Parker is; such a great impression the guy was even offered a job! How could Asa follow up such a stellar selection and would this next guy manage to make her cum, too?

After a few more minutes of cruising the South Beach area, Asa and the Bang Bus crew sidled up to a beachside reserve and Asa jumped out, ran up to, and promptly enticed to the graffiti-laden inside of the Bus a guy so nerdy even the usually very polite Ms. Akira made a joke or two at the expense of his apparent addiction to Angry Birds. Once aboard the bus, this new dude – let’s call him Shades; watch the scene and you’ll see why – seemed pleased as punch to be sitting next to a pornstar whose work he knew and enjoyed, but he seemed reluctant to make the first move. Leave that to Asa!

After some rather romantic making out – aww, ain’t lil’ Asa just an ol’ softie? – they get down to business and, while this newest cock wrangler might not be as impressively skilled as his predecessor, he nevertheless manages to pound that pus’ quite well from behind before unloading on Asa’s finely-formed ass. Sure, this guy didn’t manage to make her cum, but he still put in a more capable performance than Herr Director predicted; as he remarked to Asa after the pop, “I think it’s you.” No shit, dude. No shit.

Can you imagine being the third guy pulled into a dirty white van and given a chance to fuck one of the two or three greatest adult performers currently working? What if you couldn’t get it up? What if you could, you know, feel that you’re not the first or even the second guy to be inside this insanely hot and insatiably horny women? Would you give up you spot in line or stick around and make the most of the situation just for the chance to hang out on the fucking BANG BUS with fucking ASA AKIRA?

The last guy, well, let’s see what he goes through in the last of this three-part wrap-up of the only Bang Bus scene this reviewer has ever, ever watched from boring-ass beginning to messy, messy end. Next time, fellas. Next time.

Asa Akira Fucks South Beach (Part One)

When a site has been in operation as long as the infamous Bang Bus, flagship site of the Bang Bros network, it must be hard to keep things exciting. Sure, you grab your driver and cruise around Miami’s South Beach looking for girls who’ll fuck before they’ll shake hands, but even fucking an endless stream of allegedly randomly selected young hotties gets tired after a while. Hell, even the Bang Bus episodes that switch things up and put a genuine pornstar babe in the proverbial navigators seat can get a little samey after a while. So what do you do when you’re a Bang Bro on the Bang Bus who’s finding that things just aren’t as thrilling as they once were? Why, bring in Asa Akira, of course!


One of the porn industry’s most adventurous performers, notable names, and bankable hardcore stars, Japanese-American fuck-bunny Asa Akira took a seat in the back of that legendary white van a while back and this week saw the induction of her inaugural jaunt ’round South Beach in search of everyday guys who can get it up and fulfill her rampant sexual desire on camera. The scene in question, simply titled “Asa Akira Rides the Bang Bus!“, hit the network homepage on Wednesday and has already been viewed some 48,000 times. A staggering feat, to be sure, but not quite as impressive as Asa’s activities in the scene itself. Speaking of…

From the moment she is picked up by whoever has replaced ex-gay-for-pay performer, Facial Fest head honcho, and former Bang Bus boss, Preston Parker, Asa shows how deep her sluttiness runs by whipping out her tits and flashing her ass, even before she has managed to amble aboard. Taking to the streets and fending off advances from her camera-wielding host, this multiple AVN Award winner soon finds her first conquest.

The lucky guy Asa picks up quickly agrees to be the first to pound her pussy behind the tinted windows of the Bang Bus and, boy, he does a damn good job, too! After a little prompting from their host, Asa and her new found friend start passionately, slowly making out and keep at it for quite a while. As soon as she pulls his cock out, though, things get much more explicit. As any fan of Ms. Akira knows, she can suck and fuck like nobody else on Earth and she proves that here by giving this lucky bastard the ride of his life. Sweating it out together behind the fogged windows of the overheating van, Asa even comes as her partner pushes his cock deeper and deeper inside her cleanly shaven cunt. After spending a few minutes snuggling, and after she compliments this able bodied young chap on his fantastic sexual technique, and after Mr. Bang Bus makes sure to get the guys number for a future casting opportunity, the team unloads their cargo and goes in search of another guy who’ll try to get Asa and himself off.

Yeah, that’s right, folks, this is only the first encounter Asa enjoyed during her first Bang Bus ride. The others? Well they’re a tale for another blog. Until next time, check out this tantalizing image torn from Ms. Akira’s virgin Bang Bus venture and tell me you’re not booking a flight to Miami right fucking now!

Asa Akira Bang Bus

Nerd Hunting

Nerd HuntingThe Bang Bros’ website Fuck Team Five has found itself in plenty of rather sketchy situations in its short online lifespan. There have been humiliating mid-blowjob phone calls to some guy’s poor wife, a three-girl chant of “Nothing gets inside Madison Ivy’s butthole!” and dozens upon dozens of amateur Miami and LA guys getting a chance at pornstar pussy paradise. One episode in particular is especially noteworthy to me because I occasioned to meet one of the “random” guys Fuck Team Five picked up while cruising down Melrose Blvd. on a gorgeous Southern California Sunday afternoon. Then he was a 21-year-old aspiring standup comic fresh off the bus from Godknowswhere, USA. His name, well, for a long, long time I completely forgot his name, but with his starring role in Todd Philip’s (Road Trip, Wedding Crashers) newest opus, Project X, plus a genuine background as an adult performer, Jonathan Daniel Brown might not be a name we’ll be forgetting anytime soon.

One day back in 2008, Brown, having only recently arrived in Hollywood, was walking down Melrose minding his own business when a white van pulled up and out jumped three of the most astounding slutty pornstars known to mankind: Ashlii Orion, Jennifer Dark, and Phoenix Marie. Orion, surprisingly, managed to recall quite a few details of Brown’s participation and how he fared in his first onscreen performance.

“I remember him being this cute little nerdy guy, shy, and super nervous!” Orion told AVN. “He was really nice so I felt bac that I had to make fun of him in true Fuck Team 5 fashion.” It seems being pasty, chubby, and bespectacled, and struggling to make it as a standup comic – which is when I met him while attending a mutual friend’s “show” at a dismally vacant East Hollywood Ramada Inn – hasn’t relegated this so-called “nerd” to the depths of social isolation. Instead, he’s fucking Ashlii Orion until he “popped all over [her] ass.” Kudos, guy I met at a shitty comedy/karaoke thing in a crummy hotel not-really-but-sorta-in Hollywood a few years back. Kudos, indeed.

In closing, all I can say is thank your lucky stars that more also-ran strandups of Hollywood aren’t nabbing themselves small porn roles. That scene’s already enough of a circle jerk as it is.


Eva Angelina Bounces Back

Eva AngelinaPornstars stop performing for any number of reasons. Linda Lovelace panicked, “got out” and saved her sanity; Jenna Haze wanted to focus on directing and fucking her beau, the lead singer of Dillinger Escape Plan; Sasha Grey had to prove herself an artiste, and Hayley Paige just plain died. Eva Angelina, though, her departure from the sexually-explicit screen was a little less worrisome.

Having progressed from flat-chested newcomer in a Shane’s World college-themed blowjob scene to amply-chested, tattooed goddess of hardcore, lascivious, powerful throat, pussy, and anal penetrations, often in the most lurid combinations, on sites such as Brazzers and ZTOD, it seemed like Eva Angelina was poised before her greatest success. She got that success (and one hell of an award) but it didn’t come from AVN or XBIZ or XRCO, it came from her womb.

After welcoming her daughter Silvi Mountain with then-husband and fellow pornstar Danny Mountain in 2008, Eva seemed to disappear from the industry for a number of years. Although rumors about a hastily made decision to quite porn for the suburban life weren’t exactly running rampant, nobody really knew whether or not Eva was planning a comeback. Then, almost out of nowhere, a few scenes started to filter through the networks and she reappeared.

Brazzers was the one of the first sites to showcase the post-baby-body Eva Angelina, with Bang Bros and Naughty America soon to follow, and what a sight it was. Even more decked-out and spruced-up than before, the reinvigorated AVN-winner had shaved the sides of her head, added a few tattoos, and launched herself back into porn, surprising many fans with her noticeably exuberant attitude lending itself perfectly to assfucking and double-penetration scenes with the likes of James Deen and Mick Blue. It had been a while since Eva threw herself headlong into a cockfest, but she proved to be in exemplary shape nonetheless.

Over at Bang Bros, Eva was added last week to the list of pornstar babes who’ve lent their bodies to one of the Bros’ newest sites, Pornstar Spa, and what a welcome return to BB HQ it was! Eva’s stunningly curvaceous body is showcased to perfection by the HD cameras as what is supposed to be a relaxing deep tissue massage turns into sex so hardcore it tests her endurance, flexibility,stamina, kegel power, and resilience as some lucky bastard (and his big purple dildo) gives the new mother a complete working over. In her Naughty America and Tonight’s Girlfriend scenes, Eva showed only a hint of the effect pregnancy has on the female body – stretch-marks being visible for, oh, a few seconds here and there. While this physical “flaw” is bound to turn off some compulsive masturbators, those eager to celebrate the return of one of contemporary porn’s greatest success stories will likely be even more turned on by Ms. Angelina than ever before, stretch-marks and all.

Eva, it’s great to have you back!