The Return of John Holmes

John Holmes

The death of a great artist inevitably brings out vultures eager to release and rerelease any works by the now more-profitable deceased. Elliott Smith, Jeff Buckley, and Jimi Hendrix fans have all been “treated” to a methodical onslaught of lost recordings, outtakes, demos, and embarrassing studio missteps all in the name of maintaining copyright ownership, preserving the legend, and keeping them good ol’ greenbacks rolling in. A somewhat notable exception has been John Holmes, the man once dubbed “The Sultan of Smut,” but Hustler Founder and Chairman Larry Flynt is reviving Holmes’s filmography with the discovery of two never-before-released hardcore movies starring a young Holmes in what are being touted as his very first performances.

The two features, Balls in Action and The Doctor Is In, apparently constitute the first work of Holmes and were discovered by Hustler’s video archivists and researchers. Flynt called the films “hidden treasures” and “something really special,” declaring Hustler “very excited” to make them publicly available. Robert Smith, Hustler Video’s Director of Operations, said Flynt often purchases large archives of adult material to comb through and that this particular haul yielded a “jackpot!”

Remastered by Hustler Video and currently being prepped for a home video (DVD via Zero Tolerance) release in early 2016, Balls in Action and The Doctor Is In will also make it to Hustler TV and Expect more information and previews from Mr. Pink’s as they come to light. Until then, check out the best of Holmes’ legendary work, including the Johnny Wadd series, at The Classic Porn.

Re-Gifting for Porn’s Sake

The holiday season traditionally sees an exchange of gifts between friends and family members, tokens of appreciation for putting up with each others’ idiosyncrasies and issues for another year. Unfortunately, the desire to give the perfect (or at least perfectly usable) gift often outweighs the personal element. Case in point: the gift card.

gift cards pay for porn

Handed out en masse every holiday season and easily purchased from supermarkets, gas stations, corner stores, 7-Elevens, and many other vendors, a gift card entitles the bearer to spend a predetermined, stated amount at a corresponding store. But what if you loathe L.L.Bean’s collegiate winter wear, object to Wal-Mart’s dominance of national and now international retail, or simply won’t set foot in a DSW for fear of contaminating your feet with the stench of others’? What do you do with your apparently useless gift cards then? Why, purchase some porn, of course!

With a number of adult sites and networks now accepting payment via store-affiliated gift card, I thought a rundown of such smut vendors would serve to enlighten you, dear readers, as to your spending options. And, hey, think of this way: when your father-in-law asks what you ended up buying from Home Depot, you can let him know that whacking it to Jayden Jaymes’s marvelous heaving breasts was more important than a new ball-peen hammer. Maybe.

Spend your unwanted gift cards at the following adult emporiums and ensure no gift card goes to waste. The gift card in my wallet, a $15 Starbucks card, could buy you the following membership stints at the following sites (with duration and price changing per gift card brand and value):

– 16 days with the amply-titted anal-loving fuck-freaks of Brazzers.
– 26 days with Naughty America’s MILFs and housewives and step-sisters.
– 9 days of ogling DDF Network’s European goddesses, foot fetishists, teen lesbians, and busty beauties.
– 30 days marveling at Videobox’s impossibly wide range of on-demand smut.
– 14 days, a solid fortnight, checking out the legendary Hustler archives.
– 14 days with Spizoo, the 13-site globe-trotting pornstar-fucking extravaganza.

Conditions apply, of course (minimum $10 balance, certain card brands only) but at least there’s finally a way to rid yourself of hard plastic currency usable only at unsexy stores that most certainly don’t stock Interracial Booty Intruders, Mommy Needs Money #2, or an HD version of Pirates 2: Stagnetti’s Revenge.


Beatin’ on a Budget! with Hustler


We all owe Larry Flynt big time. Without the Hustler head honcho’s relentless protection of the civil liberties of the American public, we’d still be staring at well-dressed women and marveling at their ankles! Thanks to Flynt’s Hustler empire we’ve been granted visual access to some incredibly lustful women in the pages of his magazines and now online at Thanks should also be extended to Mr. Pink’s, though, for without the bargain hunting skills of our intrepid deal scouts, we’d never be able to offer you the Hustler deal of the decade!

Hustler isn’t a lone hardcore site, not by any stretch of the imagination. It’s a network of 19 websites and usually costs $34.95-a-month. For good reason, too, since membership opens the doors to Hustler’s Taboo, Barely Legal, and Hustler HD sites, as well as VCA Classics (golden age porn), Anal Hookers, Asian Fever, Beaver Hunt, Bossy MILFs, Busty Beauties, Daddy Gets Lucky (age-play), Hometown Girls and Hottie Moms (two sites with “amateur” babes), Hustlaz (black and interracial), Hustler’s Lesbians, Hustler’s College Girls, Muchas Latinas, Scary Big Dicks, Too Many Trannies, and the company’s now-notorious Hustler’s Parodies movies. That’s a huge variety of smut by anyone’s standards and with most of it hitting that high Hustler quality benchmark, it’s one well worth a little cyber-cash on. (Although the heavy presence of non-exclusive, non-Hustler works is a bit of a let down.)

Mr. Pink’s discount brings the normal $34.95 monthly membership price down to only $19.95, you’re already saving close to half, to look at it another way, getting everything at twice the value! Each of the 19 Hustler websites come out to less than $1.05 with this deal. DVDs, of which there are 2,075, can be had for less than 1¢ each, while individual scenes, currently amounting to 10,076, end up costing an absolute pittance, only a fraction of a cent, just .19¢!

Oh, and there’s 215 issues of Hustler, Barely Legal, and Taboo magazines digitized to for your online reading pleasure, too, if that helps seal the deal. And to celebrate Black Friday, you can now join Hustler for only $14.95 now through December 3rd when you sign up through Mr. Pink’s special Hustler Holiday promotion link. Thanks, Larry!