Pornington Post’s Bipartisan Porn Parodies

Pornington Post

Appearing out of nowhere earlier today in the form of an AVN press release and the occupation of url, a brand new parody and satire site entered the adult fray, bringing to a fucking head the frustrations of many Americans welling up over this utterly insane election season. Whether you’re committed to one candidate or the other, or consider them both woefully unfit for office, you must’ve noticed the lack of biting porn satires of Hillary Clinton’s and Donald Trump’s respective careers, campaigns, and personal failings. Now that Trump brought pussy into the conversation, Pornington Post aims to ensure nobody involved in this year’s Presidential race leaves unstained by the mighty comedic jism of the porn parody.

Hosting only three original scenes at present (and filling the dead space with barely-related celebrity culture spoofs), Pornington Post’s intentions are unclear. There’s no sign-up page to part you with your money yet there’s Nina Hartley as Hillary, and there’s Evan Stone wearing a Make America Great Again cap standing next to his “daughter” Ivanka, played by sly-eyed blonde Blair Williams. Ivanka doesn’t waste any alone time, masturbating with a bobble head avatar of dear old dad as she listens to his stump speech rhetoric. Viewers can easily expect the third debate to be the focus of another scene or two, one including seeing former VP nominee Sarah Palin once again pornified in what’s being touted as a “squirt board” scene co-starring Kim Jong Un.

When Pornington Post claims to guarantee “controversial, politically incorrect and outrageously provocative” porn, it really isn’t kidding. And still, unlike our two Presidential candidates, I can’t find an obvious price tag anywhere…

Poké-men dig Strokémon


Quit Pokémon Go for just a second and check this shit out! Not only has the latest iteration of the pocket monster phenomenon led to a larger game playing audience than any earlier Pokémon release, it has sparked a worldwide obsession that has Wall Street bankers and McDonald’s workers on the picket line both using their smart phones to ensnare the little digital critters. Even adult webcam performers leapt onto the Pokémon Go bandwagon, using cosplay and screen-sharing to enjoy the game with their fans. Now, naturally, it’s the mainstream porn world’s turn.

RK Prime, a newish Reality Kings site with no clear premise, unleashed its Pokémon parody on July 30th, an outdoor scene that saw Xander Corvus on a hunt for “Pikapuss” (Annika Eve in her second scene) and, upon finding her, fills her mouth beneath a tree then pulls her inside to slide into her yellow-outfitted snatch as she cries “Pika! Pika!” in pleasure.

Team Skeet also joined in the fun with a pair of Poké-focused scenes for Exxxtra Small and Teen Pies and starring Freya Von Doom and Cece Capella respectively. Freya arrived first, landing July 28th in her bright yellow “Pikahoe” outfit, ducking and dodging an eager trainer before respawning in his living room and exposing her very much pink and human orifices. For a change of pace, Cece Capella laid around in her Teen Pies scene, staring at a Pikachu plushie and daydreaming about catching one of her own. After dozing off, Cece wakes up to a real, living, already erect (but curiously human male) Pikachu who proceeds to bring her Poké-fucking fantasies to life.

You would think that with Pokémon Go roaring up the app charts and distracting every second pedestrian under the age of 55, this would be the prime Poké-parody era but, really, all three of the above listed scenes were outdone months and months ago by two distinctly different takes on the gaming phenomenon. Back in January of 2015, Cosplay Babes had busty British wonder Harmony Reigns dress up in her best Ash cap and grab her Pokéballs for an interracial hardcore fuckfest. It’s WoodRocket, the comedy-porn hybrid studio started by Lee Roy Myers, that still rules the porno Pok é-parody roost, though, thanks largely to the studio’s devotion to absurdity. Starring Rizzo Ford as Dikachu, a squirt-shooting female monster whose trainer, Gash (Tyler Nixon) carries quite an impressive package. Badly acted with questionable costuming and even a rather dire script, Strokémon takes the cake because it pushes further than simple cosplay and reimagines the Pokêverse as an utterly perverted playground for all kinds of sexual creatures, human and otherwise, without getting too close to some bizarre fucking fantasies. Dikachu might not look like an electrified rodent exactly, but you wouldn’t confuse her for 100% human either.

There’ll no doubt be more Poké-themed scenes and parodies on the horizon now that Pokémon Sun and Moon has been announced, so keep a beady eye trained at Mr. Pink’s for more info and analysis as they appear.

Preparing for Porn


Last week we compared advice for pursuing and achieving successful anal sex from magazines GQ and Complex, and from adult performer Valentina Nappi, who not only seems destined to become a lifelong porno legend but has earned a reputation for cutting through the bullshit and pretension rife in today’s porn industry. Ms. Nappi’s guide to getting her ass ready for an anal shoot was predictably more detailed and worthwhile than anything GQ or Complex had to say, spurring on further Mr. Pink’s investigation into just how pornstars prepare themselves for the physical gauntlet that is a hardcore shoot.

Enter WoodRocket, a porno revolution in digital form. Packed to the proverbial gills with all kinds of informative backstage glimpses into professional porno life (as well as a killer range of original porn parodies), WoodRocket’s regular Ask a Pornstar feature recently spoke with porn’s best and boldest to discover what helps them get ready to shoot some smut. From the obvious (April O’Neil gets a good nights rest) to the hilarious (Mickey Mod keeps himself hard at gangbangs by browsing Tumblr), a dozen-or-so performers both female and male dish on their pre-scene rituals.

Anna Bell Peaks says she performs via webcam before almost every shoot, masturbating for fans and having at least one orgasm to really put her in the mood. Also a confessed pre-scene masturbator, Trinity St. Clair only packs one bright outfit along with many dull ones, giving her director no choice but to let her wear what she wants; a real comfort. Rain DeGrey admits to Twitter-stalking her co-stars before a shoot, trying to find attractive qualities but going so far as canceling shoots because they proved a shithead online. Amarna Miller Seemingly concerned more with herself than her partners, the always intriguing Claire Robbins nakedly admits to standing before a mirror to poke and prod and examine her body before letting a camera capture her naked, a ritual that “put [her] in the right mindset” for porn.

Bathing is obviously important, as is personal grooming. Amarna Miller hit the bathroom or salon to ensure her signature red hair is properly, evenly dyed and that her natural roots aren’t showing. A long, hot shower or bath is a common night-before preparation, though I was somewhat surprised to hear most women asked say they shave, obviously having worked out any issues with skin irritants and visible razor-burn over the years. Still in the bathroom, enemas and douching proved very popular, the latter somewhat surprisingly. After horror stories and urban legends of rampant fatal infections, tearing, and acid burns, I naively assumed douching had gone the way of the dodo but instead it’s thriving in Porn Valley: Jade Nile mixes coconut oil with a little tea-tree oil while Draven Star and most others seem to stick with fresh water. (Spanish-accented Amarna Miller saying it’s necessary to “not have a funny pussy.”)

Women prod and poke and preen themselves, take of physical cleanliness both external and internal, and try to summon as much enthusiasm as possible, but aside from Mickey Mod trawling Tumblr, what do the men do to ready themselves? Mick Blue, reigning AVN Male Performer of the Year, spoke up and revealed his very own private pre-porn ritual: a double espresso. That’s it.