MrPinks

Sean Michaels Aims for Your Bookshelf

For 21 years, Sean Michaels has been something of a quiet achiever in the adult industry. Having earned himself multiple AVN and XRCO awards, the earliest in 1993 and the latest in 2010, he’s a highly valued member of the adult community and, from all reports, a hell of a nice guy. Now in his 54th year, Michaels has decided to bare all in a different fashion by publishing an autobiography entitled Sean Michaels: My Industry. “My Industry”? Did Michaels bump himself on the noggin and become a supremely arrogant buffoon? No, he’s just convinced he has so many stories to tell he should separate them into multiple volumes. This, the first, will deal with his adult career.

Speaking to AVN from the set of The Black Pack, his most recently directed movie, Michaels said he has enough stories and anecdotes to fill another volume focusing on his life outside of porn. “This is my first book. It’s basically about my life within the adult industry for the past 21 years, and I’ll just be relating and expanding on my experiences and some of the nuances I’ve learned about myself and life in general. You think you know yourself but when you start to talk about yourself, you find that you honestly don’t, and after visiting 13 different foreign countries, it’s been quite the trip and quite the ride but it’s also just beginning because I believe there are talks in the works for Showtime or HBO to do some type of documentary with yours truly.”

Well, well, well. Could Sean Michaels finally be getting his due? If HBO is sniffing his sneakers, he could explode and become the next Lexington Steele or maybe even the next Ron Jeremy. Actually, Jeremy has played something of a significant role in Michaels’ life, taking him to Italy for his first European adult shoot and arriving while wearing a “K-Mart tracksuit with ketchup stains on the front… with a K-Mart shopping bag for his stuff.”

Having amassed a hugely impressive list of performances now totaling more than 1,400 onscreen appearances and having traveled the world in the process, Michaels surely has plenty of stories to tell. And we, the fans that have often remarked on this unassuming but reliable and charismatic performer, are definitely ready to listen.

Crowning Miss BangBros

If the parents of pageant contestants are to be believe, every girl just really wants to be a princess, like, soooo much! The closest the young women of America will get, however, is being crowned Miss University of Phoenix, Miss West Texas, or Miss Westfield Tukwila, Washington. As for the young women of porn, well, they’re aiming for a decidedly more risqué crown: Miss BangBros.

After being nominated as contenders for Best Ass in the Biz, Best Cock Sucker, Hottest MILF, Bang Anal Princess, Best Rack, and Best New Cummer, a group of porn’s most dazzling performers are now fishing for your votes. The contenders, gentlemen, are as follows:

Best Ass in the Biz:

Rachel Starr

Christy Mack

Alexis Texas

Sara Jay

Franceskca Jaimes

Best Cock Sucker:

Lisa Ann

Diamond Kitty

Yurizan Beltran

Abella Anderson

Kelly Divine

Hottest MILF:

Rachel Starr

Lisa Ann

Kendra Lust

Sara Jay

Phoenix Marie

Bang Anal Princess:

Jynx Maze

Asa Akira

Phoenix Marie

Courtney Cummz

Jada Stevens

Best Rack:

Gianna Michaels

Sophie Dee

Jayden Jaymes

Ava Addams

Abella Anderson

Best New Cummer:

Siri

Christy Mack

Kendra Lust

Remmy LaCroix

Jessie Rogers

Mr. Pink’s picks? Well, first of all I’m flattered that you’d ask. Now, even though a few categories are missing the women I’d have instantly awarded the top prize – no Charley Chase for Best Cock Sucker? no Kagney Linn Karter for Best Rack? and how the hell are Skin Diamond and Holly Michaels not nominated for Best New Cummer? – the choices of this reviewer were fairly quick to arrive. My votes have gone to the assiest woman in porn, Alexis Texas; that fearless cock gobbler, Kelly Divine; the undisputed queen of MILF porn, Lisa Ann (although I personally would prefer the other Ann, Julia); the only pornstar to grin from ear-to-ear with a huge dick ramming through her rear passage in every anal scene she’s shot, Jynx Maze; one of the greatest, bustiest babes porn has ever seen, Gianna Michaels; and the only New Cummer contender to go from aces (almost every scene she’s shot) to “nay, sirs” (that horrible boobjob) while still being considered a noob, Jessie Rogers.

It’ll be interesting to see who walks away with the crowns, but as there’s no voting deadline given, we’ll just to wait, eyes firmly fixed on the Bang Bros blog to find out. In the meantime, let us know your picks! Leave a courteous comment or start a pro-Asa, anti-Jynx flame war! Just don’t sit idly by and let others decide who’ll take the crowns, penis statues, and more importantly the work!

Timing Out

Dear Missy Pink,

What is a normal length of time for sex to last?

Timing Out

Dear Timing Out;

Hmmm, it sounds to me like someone may be cocked and loaded before your girlfriend/wife has even put one into the chamber? I’m happy to report, there’s no strict standard of length when it comes to lust, no one has ever said, “It must last this long or you’re not doing it right.” Sex fits moods and personalities, there are times when a quickie in the front seat of the car, parked along an abandoned road may feel like the best sex you’ve ever had, and, there will be other times when a marathon moisture session will make you feel more intimate and personally closer than you ever have with your significant other.

I noticed in your, “to the point” question, you used the word, “sex.” Let’s not forget, there truly is a difference between making love and having sex, and depending on the moods I mentioned, both can work wonderfully in a mutual agreement of arousal. Being animalistic in the form of sex is great, it unleashes the passion, the stress of the day, the buildup of bodily fluids, all in an unbridled form of fornication. When making love, it’s about the entire experience, the look across the room, holding of hands, communication, a long foreplay, the gentle side of pleasure until orgasms are complete, and yes, that does mean for you and your partner, along with a little cuddling and pillow talk afterwards.

Let the moment rule, not your erection, listen to your partner with more than just your ears, and when your mutual hormones come together, it’s all about the timing of when, not of how long.

Missy Pink

The Comeback Queens

The news pages at AVN ran two highly notable stories earlier this month, both of them concerning the revival of the careers of two of porn’s most legendary female performers. As the news hit the pornosphere thousands of fans no doubt began furiously beating off, preparing and training themselves for the return of their favorite performers: Devon and Tera Patrick.

Tera Patrick, known not only for her adult career but for her best-selling memoir, Sinner Takes All, and her marriage to Biohazard rocker Evan Seinfeld, announced her first onscreen adult appearance in six years, taking a role in Axel Braun’s upcoming Hustler parody This Ain’t The Expendables XXX. Shot in 3D and co-starring Kimberly Kane, London Keyes, and Brooklyn Lee, the project unfortunately won’t give Tera’s fans what they undoubtedly hoped for. Instead of thrusting herself back under the spotlight and onto some lucky bastards boner, Tera has taken a non-sex role modeled on The Governator’s brief but nonetheless exciting cameo in Sylvester Stallone’s original 2010 action hit.

Devon, on the other hand, isn’t messing around. Signing to Brazzers and relaunching her career with a four-part Real Wife Stories series entitled Till Dick Do Us Part. Starring alongside the ravishing Raylene and facing the impossibly hard dicks of Jordan Ash and Jonny Sins, Devon plays a bride who, although newly married, just can’t shake off her whorish tendencies. The first episode of the series can now be seen exclusively at Real Wife Stories.

Sorry, Tera, but Devon pwned you this time.