Vivid’s 10 Best Sex Tapes

Vivid sex tapesHollywood and the porn industry aren’t as separate as many would like to believe. Aside from geographical proximity, there’s many other factors shared by both industries: an obsession with physical beauty, market dominance by a select few studios, a growing piracy problem, and a reputation for filling the world with puerile nonsense.

There’s also a few more direct commonalities best exemplified by the rise of celebrity sex tapes. And nobody in porn is better equipped to discuss the “private” hardcore recordings of minor (very, very minor) celebrities than the man who ushered them into homes around the world: Vivid Entertainment founder and co-chairman, Mr. Steven Hirsch. Speaking to Supercompressor, Hirsch laid out his opinion on which pseudo-celeb fuck-fests were the most influential and, dare I say, important.

Predictably, tapes featuring Kendra Wilkinson, Kim Kardashian, Farrah Abraham, and Tila Tequila all make the list, but notably absent is arguably the most famous sex tape of all time: 1 Night in Paris. Originally released by Red Light Video, the video that thrust Ms. Hilton into our hearts and homes doesn’t strictly count as a Vivid release in Hirsch’s eyes, not like Backdoor to Chynna starring the wrestler of the same name or The 11th Hole, which starred Tiger Woods’ real-life mistress Joslyn James, both of which Vivid had exclusive rights to from the beginning, even before the shoot… Wait a good gosh darned minute!

Of the ten titles noted by Hirsch as paragons of celebrity sex tape culture are not the private homemade kind at all, but faux amateur productions that, from the get-go, were clearly intended to launch the porn careers, however short-lived, of their stars. Farrah Abraham Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom co-starred the biggest male pornstar on Earth, Chynna’s feature was the result of her pitch to Vivid and featured standard porno production values, Montana Fishburne was gearing up for a longer career in adult before her famous pops put an end to it, and Real Housewives of Atlanta spin-off Mimi & Nikko: Scandal in Atlanta was an obvious cash-grab attempt at further infamy, and Kendra Exposed was so clearly a publicity stunt that even Ms. Wilkinson’s tears over its release were declared as fake as a Cetaphil Lotion cumshot.

Call me a cynic, but I’ll take genuine amateur porn, for all its shitty camerawork and no-name performers, over a phony “private” celebrity vanity production any day.

Jessie Andrews First Annual Assfucking

Jessie Andrews

Jessie Andrews doesn’t do things the conventional way. After flitting around LA and entering porn (earning herself an AVN Best Actress Award in the process), Andrews took an odd left turn and launched her own jewelry line called Bagatiba, started booking DJing gigs, and appeared in the video for Borgore’s track ‘Decisions‘ with her new pal Miley Cyrus. So, when Andrews recently announced her upcoming anal debut, a slightly unusual approach was to be expected.

Maddy O’Reilly threw porn fans into a tizzy when ‘Maddy,’ the HardX feature holding her anal debut, was released after much pomp and circumstance, only to shoot anal scenes almost immediately after ‘Maddy’s’ release for Jules Jordan, Evil Angel, Devil’s Film, and Ass Factory. Ms. O’Reilly can now be seen having her butt banged on most major hardcore networks of note, but that won’t be the case for Jessie Andrews. Signing a unique deal with Girlfriends Films, Andrews is set to start in The Gardner and will be performing her first ever anal intercourse scene in the picture. The unique element of the deal? Andrews is contractually prevented from performing another anal scene until at least one year after The Gardner’s September 2014 release. Marveling at his coup, director B. Skow told AVN he thought it was the script, not the anal itself, that made Andrews so passionate about the project that she’d surrender her chance for a huge post-anal-debut payday. The script, inspired by the handful of long-term abduction, imprisonment, and sexual abuse cases recently uncovered in the US, continues Skow’s fascinating psychological porn dramas and was, the director felt, a good fit for the multi-talented starlet.

“When we finished the script I really wanted Jessie for the main role of the kidnapped girl,” Skow said. “It was also important to have the main character do anal because I really wanted to show how she was mentally tortured. Jessie had never done anal and I brought the project to her and she liked the idea of doing anal for the first time in a feature, so we made it happen.”

Jessie Andrews can be found on Twitter and will make her anal debut for Girlfriends Films ‘The Gardner’ in September.

Can’t Keep a Danish Nympho Down

Plenty of those working in the adult industry have found themselves up against YouTube’s posted Community Guidelines for posting content deemed inappropriate and unwelcome, too sexually provocative for a general audience. Self-shot pornstar vlogs and adult movie trailers alike have been taken offline after being reported by more conservative users, but movies with worldwide cinema distribution deals have largely been left to flourish in the most expansive marketing tool the industry has ever seen. Until now.

Lars Von Trier

For those unaware, that’s Danish cinema provocateur Lars Von Trier, whose next film’s trailer was recently unleashed upon a global cinema culture wet with anticipation. Then, rather unceremoniously, it was pulled from YouTube, the most visible (and vital) viral video site (and promotional tool) in history. Thankfully, YouTube isn’t the only game in town, leaving Vimeo, Onion’s A.V. Club, and numerous other outlets to run the highly explicit, defiantly NSFW trailer uncensored. And, surpassing most expectations (at least the more puerile ones) and following on from a series of orgasmically evocative character posters, the trailer’s loaded with explicit imagery that should persuade you to ignore the more intolerable heart-wrenching films of Von Trier’s past and at least give Nymphomaniac, which is reported to run 5½ hours in its full cut, a devoted fast-forwarding.

For the trainspotters out there that still need to be convinced to check out the trailer, here’s a brief rundown of the carnally adventurous treasures it contains:

– Graphic (if brief) shot of labia in repose.
– Charlotte Gainsbourg crawling naked, sucking dick, and fucking on a hospital bed.
– … and beaten black and blue.
– A proposed virginity-shedding.
– Uma Thurman referring to a “Whoring bed,” before screaming her lungs out.
– A bare-assed caning, complete with instructions and corrections.
– Stacy Martin wiping what appears to be ejaculate from her lip and breathing “Wow.”
– Shia LaBeouf licking a nipple.
– Some crying.
– A few pretentious lines of voiceover.
– and Rammstein.

Nymphomaniac, in its truncated form, is set a Dec. 25 US release. Learn more at the official website and, for now at least, just watch the damn trailer!

Nymphomaniac Official Trailer from Zentropa on Vimeo.

Pix-and-Out for UK Cricketer

Professional athletes are always getting into trouble of a risque nature. In fact, 27 NFL players have been arrested since February’s Super Bowl XLVII for everything from DUI and carrying a concealed weapon to abuse and murder. While the athletes of Great Britain thankfully seem to be abstaining from the more reprehensible violent crimes, they’re hardly immune to behavioral slip-ups. One athlete in particular, Gareth Young of the Derbyshire County Cricket League, has just received an inordinately lengthy ban for what started as a rather stupid joke, but a joke nonetheless.

Young, who tweets as @Youngy10, allegedly posted an explicit image poking fun at League champions, Swarkestone, an image that saw him strung up before a disciplinary hearing. The result?

Not one to take his punishment for allegedly posting a photo of an erect penis lying down, “Youngy” took to Twitter to vent his frustration, gather support, and jump the “Keep Calm…” meme-wagon.

keep calm and pray for gareth

But instead of waiting out the duration of his punishment, Youngy decided the garden was where his future lay, not the pitch or the boudoir.

So, good luck on your future endeavors, Youngy, and may you keep on roaring and raging for free speech and juvenile, borderline-homophobic humor long into your retirement. Enjoy your gardening, but be careful, ’cause even a little backyard bat-and-ball action could have you in even deeper water.