WoodRocket Wants David Lynch

save twin peaks

Cult television show Twin Peaks has only garnered more attention in the years since its untimely cancellation after two seasons in the early 90s. Co-creator and acclaimed filmmaker and artist David Lynch has long made it clear that the saga of Special Agent Dale Cooper and the Twin Peaks townspeople had not been entirely wrapped up. And with an October 2014 statement from Showtime announcing that the series would return in 2016 for a nine-episode run with original creators and cast members attached, fan fervor hit an all-time high. Then, six months later, Lynch withdrew from the production over budget disputes, spurring online petitions from fans and cast members alike that call for Lynch’s budgetary demands to be met because “Twin Peaks without David Lynch is like… comedic pornography without pop-culture references!”

Potentially rescuing Lynch from being embroiled in a production that doesn’t meet his needs, another offer has come in, this one from an unlikely source: WoodRocket. In an open letter to Lynch, WoodRocket director Lee Roy Myers claimed solidarity with his fellow “quirky” auteur and invited him to bring his most popular creation to the WoodRocket studios. Though it’s highly unlikely WoodRocket has Showtime-like funds to throw at the prospective series, perhaps the creative freedom would be enough to appeal to Lynch. For his part, Myers, who has said WoodRocket’s productions make Lynch’s own Eraserhead look as tame as Grease, also dropped in a few related puns and references to fan-favorite characters like Coop, Annie, and even Frank Booth from Lynch’s Blue Velvet, hoping to snag at least a few Twin Peaks fanatics for WoodRocket’s growing audience. Hell, Myers even suggests the proposed flick could delve into the mystery of the true relationship between The Log Lady and her beloved hunk of Douglas fir.

Beating on a Budget! with DDF Network

ddf netowkr

Denys Defrancesco has, over more than twenty years, established himself as one of Europe’s preeminent pornographers and erotic artists. His online empire has grown too, with DDF Network now hosting 16 exclusive websites, each one dedicated to a slightly different take on Europorn. The sites tackle established genres like big-boobed women (DDF Busty), fellatio (Only Blowjob), and foot fetishism (Hot Legs & Feet), but also try out less defined areas of filmed sexual activity. Hands on Hardcore ramps up a typical sex scene until it’s seared into your memory forever. Hairy Twatter gives women who keep their pubic hair lush and lively a chance to grab the spotlight. Interactivity is the goal of DDF Adventures, and it’s helped along that path by DDF Live Sex, a parade of webcam performers. 1 By Day, House of Taboo, Euro Girls on Girls, Euro Teen Erotica, Sex Video Casting, Eve Angel Official, Cherry Jul, Sandy’s Fantasies, DDF VOD, and the aforementioned sites all combine to give DDF Network an enormous archive of stellar European porn that covers most pornographic bases, and does it in style.

Now discounted from its admittedly high price of $44.99 to only $33.99-a-month, a DDF Network membership should no longer be regarded as too expensive for the average porno fan.

THE MATH:
With a network archive holding 13,240 scenes across 16 websites, DDF Network could be viewed as now charging only $2.12-per-month for each of its sites; or, taken on a scene-by-scene basis, each update costs an absolute pittance, only .0025¢! Any way you slice it, that makes DDF Network far more affordable than it usually is. And, with such a huge treasure chest of carnal entertainment on hand, it’s now a network almost impossible to resist.

DDF Network review

Lylith LaVey Takes Bang Bros to Court

lylith lavey evil angel

When news broke in mid-2012 that a male adult performer had altered a standard pre-shoot STI test to conceal his syphilis (a.k.a.: the STI that my mother claimed would send me roaring towards total insanity; aka: the most popular STI of the 15th Century), the industry rightfully clutched their collective genitals and said, “Shit, that guy’s an ass (and I hope I didn’t fuck him).” One person who did fuck Mr. Marcus, the man in question, was Lylith LaVey yet she has managed not only to use the legal system to hit back at Marcus himself (as she did in to the tune of $129,360) but also at the company she claims was neglectful in allowing Marcus to perform with a fudged test: our ol’ pals the Bang Bros.

Claiming her association with Mr. Marcus (now known as Mr. Syphilitic) caused her “emotional distress as well as castigation from others in her field,” LaVey (real name Heather DeAngelo) filed suit in early-2014 against Bang Bros, the production entity responsible for the scene in question and Mr. Marcus’ booking. LaVey’s case against the Bros didn’t make it to court and she was awarded an undisclosed sum of money via a settlement agreement with the company. After a 13-month-long lawsuit proceeding, it now appears that this little nightmare episode has resolved itself nice and tidily with the wounded compensated, the negligent hit where it hurts, and the truly guilty scrambling to reassemble his life and career.

Two questions remain, though: who knew you could successfully sue someone for almost (but not) infecting you with syphilis? And who on Earth would change their name from a perfectly porny real name like Heather DeAngelo?

Lylith LaVey at Evil Angel

Benz vs Ann: Nikki on Top!

Lisa Ann vs Nikki Benz

Pornstar Twitter fights rarely escalate into actual altercations IRL but one little spat recently came surprisingly close. Although recently retired from adult, living legend Lisa Ann took to her Twitter account to toss a few snarky comments in the (barely disguised) direction of the one and only Nikki Benz. The resulting back-and-forth saw name-calling, accusations of illegal prostitution, drug references, and the incredible assertion that, now departed from adult, Lisa Ann has no friends in the industry. Although blows were swung by each woman, Benz was clearly down for a scrap and actually invited Ann to do just that. In response, Lisa Ann filed a restraining order in Los Angeles County that alleged she was receiving threats of violence both directly and indirectly made by Nikki Benz. Ever the fighter, the would-be Mayor of Toronto hit back hard, claiming Ann’s application was intended to deny Benz her right to free speech.

The Los Angeles Supreme Court ruled in favor of Benz, dismissing Ann’s restraining order application after Benz filed an motion. The court found Ann’s request was “not supported by the evidence” and that nothing posted to Twitter or said on stage at a January awards show was a sufficient, valid threat to Ann’s safety or security. The ruling comes after Ann claimed she was unable to attend awards ceremonies due to threats made by Benz and her supporters, yet she is a noted and provable attendee of the events in question. As numerous Benz supporters asked on her Twitter account: what the hell was Lisa Ann thinking?

LA Court rules in Benz's favor

Benz responded to the ruling with a press release, which reads as follows:

“I am thrilled that the Court has thrown out Lisa Ann’s frivolous case for supposed harassment against me. I intend to pursue her for all damages she has caused me as a result. Filing legal cases just to get in TMZ is just sad. A big thank you to all adult stars and industry people who showed me support on Twitter and in court. The overwhelming support is greatly appreciated.”

Now if we can only get them in the Brazzers House together…