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Beatin’ on a Budget! with Porn Pros

Finding a killer online porn deal is like shooting lazy, overweight fish in a too-small barrel. There’s bargains everywhere you turn and ads a-plenty to alert you to their offerings, but Mr. Pink, always on the lookout for the best and boldest and most affordable adult entertainment, likes to clue his readers in to deals they might otherwise miss. This week, we’re taking a look at the 22-site network Porn Pros.

Porn Pros’ niche and kink-oriented websites focus on young harlots (Teen BFF, 18 Years Old), bondage-infused humiliation porn (Amateur Violations, Disgraced 18, MILF humiliation), the biggest tits ‘n’ boners in porn (Freaks of Boobs, Freaks of Cock), dark-skinned babes (40oz Bounce, Pimp Parade), adventurous oral sex and massive facials (Deep Throat Love, Cumshot Surprise, LOL Cumshot, Cum Disgrace), female ejaculation (Squirt Disgrace), continental hotties (Euro Humpers), sexy yoga devotees (Flexible Positions), inter-generational sex (Jurassic Cock), hardcore lesbian couplings (Cruelty Party), “homemade” sex tapes (Real Ex Girlfriends), sensual rubdowns (Massage Creep), and even a game show built around a giant penis (Cock Competition). While hardly the most realistic porn network on the ‘net, Porn Pros adds significant spice to otherwise tired concepts and features the work of such dynamite ladies as Anissa Kate, Dani Daniels, Anikka Albrite, Tasha Reign, and Holly Michaels, who appears in an incredible 59 scenes!

Although some Porn Pros sites are no longer updating, leaving Teen BFF, Massage Creep, Real Ex Girlfriends, and 18 Years Old to deliver the bulk of the network’s new material, there’s more than enough highly varied content here to keep any porn fanatic busy for six months or more, and, at $17.95-a-month, Mr. Pink’s current Porn Pros deal is too good to pass up. Don’t believe me? Maybe you’ll believe…

THE MATH:
Porn Pros’ 22 sites hold a collective 2,825 scenes, averaging 128 scenes-per-site and giving each scene an approximate cost of only .64¢, and puts each site at just 81¢-per-month. With a month at Porn Pros now available for a measly $17.95 and updates hitting the homepage about 20 times each each month, even those members watching only the newest content get a great deal: roughly 89¢-per-new-scene. Although it’s not exactly the perfect porn network, Porn Pros is absolutely essential viewing for any porn fan worth his (or her) salt.

Win Yourself an AVN Experience to Remember!

So you think you’ve got what it takes to shoot the shit with porn’s most dazzling personalities while maintaining an entertaining and professional manner? And you think you’ll be able to withstand the glitz and glamor of the 2015 AVN Awards, focusing on the task at hand even if that task is interviewing performers, directors, producers, and presenters? Well, my friend, you’ll now have your shot – or, you’ll have your shot at getting your shot, at least – thanks to the good folks at Adult DVD Empire.

Offering one porn fan the chance to be their official AVN correspondent this coming January at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, Adult DVD Empire is asking wannabe porn reporters to shoot a brief YouTube video that proves to judges why you’re a worthy recipient of such a distinguished honor. Oh, and Bonnie Rotten tells you the basics of the competition in a cheap, fast, and flashy video (seen below). The winner, and there can be only one, will receive airfare from anywhere in the continental United States to Las Vegas and hotel accommodation for three nights so you can take in every moment of the Adult Entertainment Expo and the AVN Awards, both which you’ll naturally also win passes to. You’ll probably get a lanyard, too. (People still think lanyards are awesome, right?)

If you’re so inclined, dear reader, I’d suggest boning up on your comedic timing and witty repartee, and perhaps throwing some slickness into your video presentation, ’cause there’s bound to be plenty of self-described awesomely funny folks who’ll do almost anything to meet and greet pornstar babes galore, giving you some stiff competition. How are you going to stand out? What will you do to be granted use of a camera, microphone, and laminated access pass that no other porno superfan would even consider, let alone commit to? Now, all you up-and-coming Dave Attells and Lisa Lampinellis of the world, get shootin’!

Fed Up With Tech – Missy Pink’s Sex Advice

Dear Missy Pink,

I’ve had my fill of technology, because it’s ruining my relationship! My girlfriend and I have lived together for nearly 6 years, and she use to hang on every word I said, we would go places, do things together and have a wonderful time. Our sex life was as amazing as the rest of our relationship. About 3 years ago, she wrapped herself up in texting, tweeting and social networking, leaving no room in her life for me. I try taking her for dinner, she’s checking her phone and sending messages the entire time, we can’t go to the movies because it’s too dark in there for her to see her phone. Even when trying to have sex, if her phone goes off, she literally climbs out of bed to see who’s texted her. I want things the way they use to be!

Fed Up With Tech!!!

Dear Friend;

Don’t feel as though you’re alone in your plight for the attention of your significant other, there are people lodging complaints at the water cooler every day. There are times when something new comes along that captures the attention, and then, once the excitement wears off, things go back to being the normal, but, it seems as though this lifestyle is here to stay for many.

There’s something about wanting to be in the depths of others’ personal lives, whether it’s those sharing a friends list, or celebrities that post comment and pictures, putting a piece of themselves out there for the world to latch onto, and, for those that are engrossed on these updates, they become obsessed with knowing everything minute by minute, and, unfortunately, in doing so, they lose touch with the reality of their own lives.

Maybe a bit of self instilled discipline is called for. Talk to her, tell her you’re feeling left out in her life and ask her what’s more important, her virtual world or the life you two are building. By all means though, talk it out as a couple, don’t just put your foot down and expect her to “obey” your orders, that will push her away all together. As a joint decision, maybe instill boundaries to, meal time is shared without the bells and whistles of notifications, the only ringing to be heard is the sound of the microwave kicking off after warming chocolate for dipping strawberries into. Also, date nights are for the two of you only, pictures can be taken but the uploading is saved for the next day. And when the lights are turned out at night, so is the WIFI. The cell phone is left on the charger while batteries are placed into the vibrator, enhancing the foreplay that will have her saturating the sheets and the two of you getting back to the basics of boner meeting beauty!

Vivid’s 10 Best Sex Tapes

Hollywood and the porn industry aren’t as separate as many would like to believe. Aside from geographical proximity, there’s many other factors shared by both industries: an obsession with physical beauty, market dominance by a select few studios, a growing piracy problem, and a reputation for filling the world with puerile nonsense.

There’s also a few more direct commonalities best exemplified by the rise of celebrity sex tapes. And nobody in porn is better equipped to discuss the “private” hardcore recordings of minor (very, very minor) celebrities than the man who ushered them into homes around the world: Vivid Entertainment founder and co-chairman, Mr. Steven Hirsch. Speaking to Supercompressor, Hirsch laid out his opinion on which pseudo-celeb fuck-fests were the most influential and, dare I say, important.

Predictably, tapes featuring Kendra Wilkinson, Kim Kardashian, Farrah Abraham, and Tila Tequila all make the list, but notably absent is arguably the most famous sex tape of all time: 1 Night in Paris. Originally released by Red Light Video, the video that thrust Ms. Hilton into our hearts and homes doesn’t strictly count as a Vivid release in Hirsch’s eyes, not like Backdoor to Chynna starring the wrestler of the same name or The 11th Hole, which starred Tiger Woods’ real-life mistress Joslyn James, both of which Vivid had exclusive rights to from the beginning, even before the shoot… Wait a good gosh darned minute!

Of the ten titles noted by Hirsch as paragons of celebrity sex tape culture are not the private homemade kind at all, but faux amateur productions that, from the get-go, were clearly intended to launch the porn careers, however short-lived, of their stars. Farrah Abraham Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom co-starred the biggest male pornstar on Earth, Chynna’s feature was the result of her pitch to Vivid and featured standard porno production values, Montana Fishburne was gearing up for a longer career in adult before her famous pops put an end to it, and Real Housewives of Atlanta spin-off Mimi & Nikko: Scandal in Atlanta was an obvious cash-grab attempt at further infamy, and Kendra Exposed was so clearly a publicity stunt that even Ms. Wilkinson’s tears over its release were declared as fake as a Cetaphil Lotion cumshot.

Call me a cynic, but I’ll take genuine amateur porn, for all its shitty camerawork and no-name performers, over a phony “private” celebrity vanity production any day.