The Further Adventures of James Deen

James DeenIn all my years as a sexually active heterosexual male, I have only twice occasioned to obtain biblical knowledge of a partner who held more than a vague curiosity in the pornographic arts. One of these women had numerous sexual problems – anorgasmia, bouts of frigidity, “Daddy issues”, and compulsive self-degradation – while the other was the polar opposite. Able to orgasm almost at will, this woman – we’ll call her Miss. B – enjoyed watching porn by herself, with friends, with lovers, and pretty much whenever she was mildly bored and slightly horny. I discovered this not by her asking me to watch porn with her, but because of a flippant remark she made regarding my alleged resemblance to her favorite pornstar, Mr. James Deen.

Widely regarded as one of the most likable dudes in porn, James Deen, a 27-year-old native of Pasadena, has been lighting up the skin-filled screen for nearly eight years, appearing in a reported 2000 films. In that time he has not only filled the mouths, pussies, and assholes of porn’s most popular women, but charmed his way into the hearts of a legion of female fans. So famously endearing, Deen even attracted the attention of ABC News, supposedly due to the abundance of these female fans.

As reported by Nightline’s Cecilia Vega, Deen remains unaware of why he appeals to so many young women, supposing that it might be his so-called “everyday” looks and personalities. Whatever the reason, his appeal has led to an AVN Award for Male Performer of the Year (which he won at 23, making him the youngest recipient in history) and has even attracted the attention of comparatively mainstream filmmaking figures like director Paul Schrader (Mishima, Blue Collar, Auto Focus) and writer Bret Easton Ellis (American Psycho, The Rules of Attraction).

Collaborating on a film noir to be set in Los Angeles and produced under a “micro-budget,” Ellis and Schrader seem like a perfect match, both having dealt with the harsher sides of American life in much of their work. Thanks to Ellis’s Twitter-habit, word got around that he considered porn’s everyman, James Deen, to be his first choice to play the lead in the pair’s noir project, in which, according to Ellis, “nudity and acting is a must.” Additional information on the project is still under wraps as it continues preproduction, but Ellis let slip that he met with Deen and called the well-endowed burrito and anal sex fanatic “super-smart, funny, perfect for the part,” also saying “if he doesn’t get it I’ll be very disappointed.”

So will Miss B., Mr. Ellis. So will Miss B.

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Nothing is Lost in Translation

Last Tuesday, January 31st, saw the highly anticipated US network television debut of nine-member South Korean “Kpop” sensation, Girls’ Generation. Hitting the performance stage of CBS’s The Late Show with David Letterman to belt out a remixed, hip-hoppified version of their international smash hit ‘The Boys’, the girls worked their finely honed physiques into a frenzy, grabbing the attention not only of the audience and their host, Mr. Letterman himself, but also of guests Bill Murray and Regis Philbin, who sat, minds-boggled, jaws-agape, and watched the eighteen-legged charisma machine strut its stuff to stage right.

Upon finishing their performance, the nine angels of Girls’ Generation were greeted (and thanked in their native Korean) by Letterman and Philbin while Murray simply looked on in awe. When it came time to send a farewell to the audience, all but Murray enthusiastically participated. Apparently still in a daze, the Groundhog Day star and longtime friend and guest of Letterman offer the studio and home audiences a brief flutter of his hand before turning and devoting his attention to Seohyun, the groups youngest member (maknae).

As this backstage photo proves, Bill Murray was floored by the beauty and poise of the nine Girls’ Generation members. (Though, if you ask me, his bias is totes probs Yuri! ^_^)

Girls' Generation

So… How to relate this to pornography… Hey, did you guys know that Girls’ Generation member Sooyoung has professed to being “a pervert” and to, on occasion, watching pornographic videos? True dat, chums! There’s far more to this group than cute posing (aegyo), product endorsements (Dominos Pizza, Goobne Chicken, J.Estina handbags), and incredibly well coordinated dance routines – there’s a salacious side, too!

FUN FACT: While young South Korean adults can easily and inexpensively rent a room at a “Love Hotel” to consummate their relationships (over and over and over) while still living at home with their folks, the production of pornographic imagery is still illegal in South Korea. What a woyld, folks! What a woyld! Yuk yuk!

Fleshlight Fucks the iPad

Fleshlight iPadThis year, notorious Kevin Smith-endorsed product, Fleshlight, took home two AVN Awards, Best Sex Toy Company – Large, and Best Sex Toy for Men, but the biggest news to come out of Fleshlight HQ of late concerns a brand new attachment that will finally enable Fleshlight users to pound the mouths, pussies, and asses of porn’s hottest women in a far more intimate way than ever before.

Catching the eye of Gizmodo’s Kyle Wagner, a prototype by TV Miller designed to allow the customer to “interactively reach self-gratification, with various prerecorded multimedia designed specifically for the tablet-penis interface,” caused a stir and led to an exploratory article by Wagner that reached Fleshlight HQ down in Austin, Texas. Fleshlight COO Brian Shubin responded by confirming that the product is in development but refused to provide any additional details at this time. “It’s another exciting product we have in development at the moment. We are always looking to improve our user experience and this will be a way to take it to another level.”

Although a release date hasn’t yet been confirmed of even hinted at, Shubin did tell eager technobaters to keep checking back with Fleshlight for updates. Fuckable iPads… who’d a thunk it?! In fact, with a bit of imagination and the right tools, as this photo from Gizmodo commenter Randy Sexer shows, you could already be in vicarious fucking heaven… or something.

Rock Fleshlight iPad

The Rise and Fall (and Rise) of Janine

JanineIn July of 2009, Janine Lindemulder, pornstar extraordinaire and the nurse on the cover of Blink-182’s Enema of the State album, was released from prison after spending four months of a six month sentence for tax evasion. Once again back in the free world, Lindemulder devoted most of her time to seeking custody of her daughter with West Coast Choppers founder, Jesse James. Finally awarded full custody of Sunny earlier this year, it appeared things were finally turning around for the one-time queen of tattooed porno sluts. What next, though, for this hard living, hard fucking 43-year-old?

Issuing a press release claiming to have not seen her daughter in five months after James was again granted full custody and moved to Texas, the aggressive Janine seems to be back on the warpath seeking not only visitation rights to Sunny, but attention from media outlets, too. The press release goes on to state that “Janine is returning to the adult industry,” and wants to reveal “her side of the story that involved sex, scandal, celebrity, prison, the custody of a little girl and what the future holds [for Lindemulder herself.”

Does this mean we’ll be seeing the Amazonian rocker slut back in the on-screen saddle again sometime soon? Let’s hope so. The “alt.porn” stars of today could learn a thing or two from a woman who simply refuses to give up and let some Sandra Bullock-bonking, reality TV show-starring, hog-straddler steal her thunder!