Cleaning Up is Hard to Do

All guys have experienced that frantic search for a tissue, old sock, new sock, or fraying rag upon reaching the climax of a masturbatory jaunt. Not always fun, is it? You grab a communal tissue box – hey, nobody was home! – but get paranoid someone can feel the encrusted pre-cum adorning the cardboard side. Or you find the closest cloth object, wipe up, then realize you’ve probably stained your favorite vintage Heart concert shirt with a million-or-so little swimmers. What to do? What to do? Digital Playground, home of the DP contract stars and many incredible audio-visual masturbation aids, has the solution.

dick bib

Dubbed the “DickBib” and riding the Internet-aided trend of “tributing” (ejaculating on) images of desirable women, Digital Playground has launched an IndieGoGo campaign to raise funds for its latest novelty, a clean-up cloth baring the visage of the studio’s current It Girl, Eva Lovia. Designed to hang below your junk “in anticipation of your spunk,” the DickBib is made from a “special polyester” that’s both reusable and washable, allegedly saving you copious funds otherwise spent on tissues and new socks. The DickBib wearer simply fastens above the penis and lets the lovely Ms. Lovia’s face dangle behind and below their balls in wait.

52400Is this product, which DP has for pre-sale for $20-a-pop with perks for larger contributions, the stupidest sexual aid to come along since the ScreamingO SnorkelO or a sensible and environmentally friendly way to clean up your spooge? More importantly though, what are you going to tell your visiting, doting mother when she finds the semen-encrusted face of a pornstar staring back at her from your month-old laundry basket and how do you address the “bib” portion of the name without feeling like you should be having baby food wiped from your chin by a babysitter?

Mr. Pink’s Week in Review – May 20th 2015

mrpinksMasturbation Month continues here at Mr. Pink’s where, alongside a slab of brand new porn reviews, we’re sharing some choice tips and tidbits about the wonderful act of self-pleasure over on the blog. This week’s reviews might have you heading to the Stiffia network and relieving some tension of your own, too, as we investigated Harmony Vision, Lust Cinema, Japan HD, and Twink Boy Media in full, explicit detail. Which sites impressed and which failed the test? Why, that’d spoil the fun! Check out reviews of these sites and others and make sure to enjoy the waning days of the wonderful month of May the Mr. Pink-approved way: grab your own junk or someone else’s and masturbate your blues away!

Beating on a Budget! with Wicked Pictures

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Wicked Pictures has, in the 22 years since it was founded by Steve Orenstein, risen from a brash young upstart to one of porn’s most consistently popular and adventurous hardcore studios. From recent hit titles like Axel Braun’s Barbarella parody, Massage School Dropouts, My Dad’s Hot Wife, My Secretary the Slut, and Jessica Drake’s award-winning ‘Guide to…’ instructional movies, most everything worth watching from Wicked has been collected at the company’s official Wicked Pictures website, where a new 1080p HD feature movie is added every week and photo galleries capture more sedate views of some of porn’s preeminent on-screen talent.

Home to the famous Wicked Girls (who, at various times, included Jenna Jameson, Chasey Lain, Asa Akira, and Jessica Drake) and with dozens upon dozens of industry awards and accolades on its ample mantel, Wicked is the stuff of pornographic legend. And, thanks to Mr. Pink’s devotion to discounts, it’s now more affordable than usual!

THE MATH:
Now available for only $17.95-a-month, Wicked Pictures and its immense archive are incredibly affordable. Each of the 729 DVDs currently available can be considered to cost only 2.5¢ each. And the 4107 scenes contained in these DVDs now cost a ridiculously low 0.43¢ each, proving that acclaimed, award-wining pornographic excellence doesn’t come much more affordable and unmissable than Wicked Pictures.

Male & Female Masturbation Myths Exposed

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Masturbation Month is rounding the home stretch, so it seems as good a time as any to debunk some of the myths and rumors both men and women have heard about their self-love practices. Like last week’s tips for women from Lelo, this slate of informational tidbits and tantalizing factoids comes courtesy of sex and lifetsyle (and hardcore porn) site BaDoink.

Speaking to seologist and sex educator Logan Levkoff, PhD about the male masturbatory habits, BaDoink discovered that whether single or spoken-for, satisfied or not with their relationship, males are prone to masturbate as pure force of habit or to barely-consciously attend to physical needs. Levkoff said frequency hardly matters unless it’s causing problems: “If you masturbate many times a day and you’re missing work or giving up on sex with your partner because of it, consider seeing a sex therapist.”

Masturbation might not score you an STD but it’s not always entirely safe either. Forceful bending of an erection can result in penile fracture, a painful and unsightly injury that will eventually heal, but not before repulsing any sexual partners you might be daring enough to reveal it to. (He might’ve been injured mi-coitus, not at home alone with a bottle of shampoo and a dirty sock, but just as Prince Yashua.)

Although nobody has apparently figured out the physiological reasons for it, it appears masturbation, while healthy, doesn’t offer health benefits equivalent to sexual intercourse. Sex can for men improve blood pressure, decrease pain, and improve the health of both the heart and the prostate. Apparently masturbation doesn’t quite get that far. In fact, Tobias S. Kohler, MD, MPH of Southern Illinois University School of Medicine tells us that even the makeup of ejaculate differs when coaxed via masturbation and sex, quipping “It appears that not all orgasms are created equally.”

For women, many masturbation myths also cloud feelings about pleasuring oneself, so let’s let BaDoink dash them too, huh? Here’s a three-point list of what might be done in porn but should be left out of one’s own masturbatory habits and, at the very least, never inflicted upon a woman who’s deemed you worthy of their sexual company. “Vigorous Fingering,” which leaves fingertips and pussy lips sporting a friction burn is out. Instead slide two fingers inside and curve them upwards to find a seriously erogenous area. Whether it’s lips or legs, “Spreading Them Open,” is generally a no-no. Let limbs fall where they may and don’t insist upon widening the space between your thighs just because they do it in porn. Porn’s visual; masturbation is personal. In porn, vibrators seem to induce orgasms with a very light touch and although that’s the case for some women, it’s rare. BaDoink’s Lola Lovely says she needs to hold a vibe firmly against a particularly receptive part of her genitalia for it to have any real effect. Reminding us that real masturbation is “a lot less sexy and a whole lot more frantic” than what’s portrayed in porn, Lovely reminds us of the most important rule of female masturbation: do it yourself and find what you like. Or, for guys trying to please their ladies: let her show you the ropes and follow her lead.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some laundry to do. Alone. With a bottle of shampoo and a dirty sock. Until June arrives.

Avri masturbating at FTV GirlsFTV Girls review