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Gone, But Not Forgotten: Porn’s 2014 Retirees

As one year closes and another dawns, and as a genuine legend of porn and one of the most memorable mainstream crossover successes in recent years retires (that’d be Lisa Ann), it’s well worth remembering the handful of other adult performers, women specifically, who for whatever reason decided 2014 would see the end of their porn careers and, as far as we forward-looking porn fans are concerned, the end of each of them as we know it. (Save those heading for self-employment through webcam, bless them!) Adult performers hanging up their bedazzled thongs this year included the following five Mr. Pink’s faves:

– Evelyn Lin: now hosting club nights at various, uh, nightclubs around North America.

– Holly Michaels: engaged, she left porn and, if her Amazon Wish List is any indication, might have started a family!

– Mischa Brooks: quietly stopped working and announced her retirement from “adult” with assurances that we’d “see her soon” – whatever that means.

– Alina Li: after a bad experience with a certain notoriously edgy BDSM studio, would prefer to wait tables at this point.

– Abella Anderson: in business for herself and now selling swimwear, makeup, and prints of her fine self at Alluring Star; she also performs live on Camster.

Hey, at least ass-tastic Jynx Maze, who apparently retired earlier this year, is back in action! Hopefully she’ll inspire some bold and adventurous newcomers to enter porn and fill the void left by the above dear departed stars.

Check out some of Mr. Pink’s favorite pornstars (retired and active) at Evil Angel

Ruttin’ Around the Christmas Tree

Merry Christmas and Joyous Kwanzaa and Happy Hanukkah to you all, my friends! (Did I miss anything?) As the year winds to a close with a celebration of many festivals, we once again turn to porn to see the graphic depiction of what will no doubt be running through many of our heads as we sit around the fire or complain about an underdone turkey: sex.

Strapping on Santa hats and sucking some serious dick this year are such ladies as Riley Reid, Dakota Skye, and Brooklyn Chase in new works from hard-working pornographers who now find themselves filled with the Christmas spirit. It’s still something of a disappointment, though, to see so many major networks miss the chance to do something special for their fans. Thank your preferred deity, then, for Brazzers, Twistys, 21Sextury, and Team Skeet.

Pix and Video presents Cecilya De Lys in tree-decorating event turned holiday love-in, while that site’s big daddy, 21 Sextury, gives its devoted fans something special starring Riley Reid, Capri Cavanni, Janice Griffith, and others. Over at Team Skeet, there’s a trio of tinsel-flecked scenes from Teen Curves, Exxxtra Small, and Teen Pies as Karlee Grey, Lizzie Bell, and Rachel Rose each receive a gift from their own personal Santa Claus.

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Once again it’s Brazzers that has really captured the spirit of Christmas celebrations, shooting new holiday-themed scenes for Teens Like it Big, Brazzers Exxtra, Baby Got Boobs, and Big Tits at Work. Teen hussies Dakota Skye and Samantha Rone give very different performances in their scenes, Dakota taking on two burglars in a loose parody of Home Alone, Samantha sucking the hell out of Santa’s hard-on and having her Christmas wish realized. Alexa Pierce spices up the office Christmas party, doubling up on Keiran Lee and Danny Mountain’s huge dongs while Baby Got Boobs sees Brooklyn Chase and Shawna Lenee do some doubling-up of their own as they throw off their ugly sweaters and give Danny D. a four-breasted titty-fucking to remember! “Yuletide commando” Honey Demon rushes to the North Pole to find out why Santa missed his deliveries only to discover an enraged Mrs. Claus, an imprisoned Santa, and Danny D’s giant erection. And, in a two-part feature for Brazzers Exxtra, Czech babes Carla Cox and Tarra White bring a little incestuousness to the table, sucking and fucking stepdad and stepson alike under the soft colorful glow of their trees decorative lights.

Sigh. If only my own holiday break was guaranteed to be so eventful… Hopefully yours comes close!

Beatin’ on a Budget! with Twistys

Home to thousands of porn’s most glamorous and gorgeous women, including the famous Treats of the Month and Year, Twistys has been dazzling fans of both softcore and hardcore porn for over 12 years and is now more affordable than ever before.

Twistys started out in the early 2000’s as a polished softcore glamour site producing pictorials and later videos showing off the marvelous physiques and sizzling sensuality of models like Bree Olson, Heather Vandeven, Emily Addison, and Elle Alexandra. From redheads to brunettes, Cali Girls to New Yorkers to European beauties, and from basic stripteases to the combined softcore and hardcore treats of today, Twistys has gone from strength to strength and is now poised to attract a new fanbase thanks to an impressive (and irresistible) deal. Thanks to Mr. Pink’s and the folks at Twistys HQ, membership can now be had for the meager monthly price of $14.95 – no, not just for your first month; yes, that does includes rebills! Including access to the entire back catalog of daily Twistys updates, every monthly and yearly-crowned Treat, and whatever you find elsewhere on the Twistys Network, whether something from Twistys Teasers, lesbian sex site When Girls Play, the very explicit Twistys Hard, Blue Fantasies, Euro Foxes, Busty Ones, and the sites of models Nicole Graves and Anette Dawn, a Twistys membership certainly isn’t something to sneeze at.

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THE MATH:
With an expanded network archive containing 12,823 videos and 31,581 photo galleries, the Twistys empire has near-endless smut to deliver and now that membership is cheaper than ever, said content offers even more value! The cost of individual videos boils down to an absolute pittance, only .001¢, while photo galleries are even better value (assuming you’re a stills, not motion man) at .0005¢ a pop! If it’s the bonus sites you’re most interested in, good news: each of the nine sites operating under the Twistys marquee are each priced at $1.66-per-month if you take advantage of this killer deal.

Ok, so you’re still here, having failed to rush on over to Twistys and land yourself the most gob-smackingly grab-worthy porn deal in months and the only reason I can think of is that you and Twistys haven’t really been properly introduced. Well, allow me to rectify that right now. Readers, meet your exotic sexual playground. Twistys, meet my readers – now blow their damn socks off!

Mr. Pink’s Twistys review

Dear World, Goodbye! – Lisa Ann

Pornstars seem to be retiring left, right, and center these days and the departures in the last two years of legend Jenna Haze and legend-in-the-making Alina Li, it can feel like we’re losing superstar after superstar. Then comes a retirement announcement from a star so prolific and popular that it sends shockwaves through the entertainment world, adult and otherwise, leaving fans and followers to wonder where their pornographic future is headed without the one and only reigning MILF supreme, ol’ “Nailin’ Paylin” herself, Lisa Ann.

Taking to Facebook on Monday to announce her impending retirement directly to her fans, Ms. Ann, an AVN Hall-of-Famer with over 400 titles to her credit, said she was finished with this phase of her life and career and will be effectively retired from porn work come January 1st of the new year. This from a woman who really has done everything porn has to offer. After starting her on-screen career in 1993, Ann quit only four years in due to an AIDS scare. Returning first as an agent and then as a performer in 2006, Ann went from strength to strength, earning herself a reputation for being the most dynamic and desirable ‘mature’ performer in U.S. porn. Grabbing national headlines with her portrayal of 2008 Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin in Hustler’s ‘Who’s Nailin’ Paylin?’ only increased the superstar’s notoriety and led to her acceptance into the ranks of porn’s few genuine crossover stars. Now with her own show on SiriusXM Fantasy Sports Radio proving to fans (of fucking and football) that she’s as observant about sports as she has been about the porn world.

According to Ann’s handwritten letter, it’s fantasy football that will keep Lisa Ann in the public eye from now on as she devotes herself to regular Monday broadcasts of Lisa Ann Does Fantasy for SiriusXM and aims to become a bigger part of their operation. Football might not be the first thing that comes to a man’s mind upon seeing this woman, but Lisa Ann is arguably one of the most prominent fantasy football personalities around today, at least to certain kinds of fans. (And, hey, she’s already been very publicly banging at least one football stud, Notre Dame wide receiver Justin Brent.)

You can read Lisa Ann’s full ten-page retirement announcement on her official Facebook page and listen to her discuss her plans on SiriusXM’s Soundcloud page. Be sure to catch Lisa Ann Does Fantasy every Monday at 10pm ET on SiriusXM radio and keep a keen eye on Ms. Ann’s Twitter feed so as not to miss a single iota of her remaining adult work before she shuffles off to the land of off-screen sex and making men’s dreams come true in a totally different industry.

Lisa Ann – Evil Angel