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An Adult Acrostic Thanksgiving

T is for Turkey, the family after eating does nap
H, “If I Hurry I can squeeze in a fap!”
A is for Anal, a scene smoking and raw
N is for a Naughty America whore
K gives me Kagney, and Kayden, and Keyes
S is for Semen, with coaxing I’ll squeeze
G is for Gonads, soon emptied of seed
I is for Instant, like this video feed
V for Vainlla, too softcore for this bro
I says “It’s Struggling, It’s struggling to load.”
N shouts “No, you ol’ shitbox, you must stay alive!”
and with
G I Give thanks for my external hard drive

– Anonymous.

Bobbi Starr is “One”

Evil Angel has long been a company devoted to allowing porn’s most talented performers a chance to direct their own productions. Having made an adult auteur of Belladonna, Stagliano and co. handed Bobbi Starr a contract and a budget and told her to basically do whatever she wanted. After the success of her first three feature-length DVD releases, Bobbi’s World, Shut Up and Fuck, and Vicarious, each of which offered a view into Ms. Starr’s constantly evolving sexuality with plenty of rough hardcore, girl-on-girl fucking, and incredibly intimate POV-shot scenes, Evil Angel is set to unleash her latest creation, a feature quite simply entitled One.

“One is many things. It’s a song by U2. It’s a song by Metallica. It’s a song by Three Dog Night. But in my case, One is a solo masturbation movie featuring Kara Price, Tori Lux, Julie Night, Asa Akira and, of course, myself.” While Bobbi’s knowledge of popular music history might not be top-notch – respect where respect is due; Three Dog Night’s One is horrendously overwrought cover of the spare, beautiful Harry Nilsson tune – her performances are always vibrant and thrilling, even when she’s not wrapping her ass around a stiff dick or fisting a fellow pornstar babe. With such a luminous lineup, One is sure to set your fires a-burnin’, Pink fans, in ways only Bobbi Starr, performer/writer/activist/director, can muster.

Explaining her vision, Starr says One is not a “pretty, milquetoast” female masturbation movie of the kind you’d usually see in mainstream porn. “There are fetish themes, which my fans will identify as something I return to often, as well as lots of latex. This is a movie about women literally taking control of their own orgasms.”

About. Fucking. Time.

Dave Attell’s Showtime Circle Jerk

Comedian Dave Attell has never tried to hide parts of his personality that some might view as, well, decadent. On his show Insomniac (2001-2004), Attell wandered around various US cities during the moonlit hours, drank booze in bars and clubs, and met fellow nighthawks, most of them the kinds of folks TV execs wouldn’t want anywhere near a prime-time slot. When I was fortunate enough to attend a taping of the resurrected Gong Show in The Entertainment Capital of the World, Hollywood California a few years back, Attell, taking Chuck Barris’s place as the host/ringmaster, would spend shooting breaks standing in the wings chain-smoking and looking less than thrilled with bumbling crew members.

Now, with his second gig hosting the annual Adult Video News (AVN) Awards in Las Vegas coming up in January of next 2012, Attell’s connections to the porn world are only growing stronger. But, hey, the guy’s an old pro when it comes to fuckin’ on film. Just check out his current Showtime jaunt, Dave’s Old Porn. Digging back into the VHS archives from porn’s Golden Age, the 1970s and early ‘80s, Attell and his guests (Whitney Cummings, Adam Carolla, Chelsea Handler and other mildly humorous celebs) give running commentaries while showing some of adult cinemas greatest and crummiest titles, from The Devil in Miss Jones to Ultra Flesh. Porn veterans Nina Hartley and Ron Jeremy, Belladonna drop in to give a professional’s perspective on some of the cheesiest dialog, most bizarre plots, and (presumably) least attractive hairstyles even seen on the small screen.

Fucking Punks!

Earlier this week, Mr. Pink’s took a wander through the Burning Angel network in preparation for a slew of new reviews of Joanna and crew’s fantastic punk rock porn sites. The first to receive the full Pink treatment was POV Punx, a site devoted entirely to thrusting you in the virtual hot seat and providing drool-worthy views of Kylee Kross, Misti Dawn, Kleio Valentein and other Burning Angels in scenes of face, snatch, and ass-fucking awesomeness.

Those of you who’ve been paying special attention to recent trends would’ve surely noticed the increased presence of “alternative” girls in porn both softcore and hardcore, on sites like Suicide Girls and God’s Girls, all over the Tumblr-verse, and even on relatively mainstream adult sites like Brazzers and Bang Bros. While Burning Angel is obviously the place to go for hardcore pornstars with tattoos, piercings, and absurdly colored hair, and POV Punx offers as intimate an experience with such girls as the Internet is currently capable of, those who want something a bit more tangible can turn to Nasstoys and its newest male sexual aid products.

FukPussy Pierced Nipples and FukPussy Pierced Vagina might seem like fairly bizarre objects to sink your shaft into but when you consider that they allegedly feel “better than real REALSKIN” and include a push-button bullet vibrator to offer vibrating orgasms, fucking a pierced pile of anatomically inaccurate flesh-colored thermoplastic rubber doesn’t seem like such a bad idea; and, hey, used in conjunction with POV Punx, the FukPussy might have you convinced you’ve just bagged yourself some real goth-punk pussy.