World’s Fastest Sex Toy

Multi-speed vibrators were once an impressive feat of manufacturing, but now seem pretty damn dull. In an effort to bring some spectacle back into the sex toy industry and to test out the limits of their Velvet Obsession Bullet, Synergy Erotic strapped their 800-horse-power mini-vibrator into the passenger side of a Dodge Stratus drag-racer. Reaching an amazing 4Gs during launch and set a new landspeed record as the fastest sex toy on the planet. The driver, Lisa Licksalot brought the vehicle to a top speed of 182mph, but the waterproof Bullet never skipped, stalled, or froze, keeping its consistent, powerful vibrations throughout the entire the quarter mile sprint.

Synergy Erotic CEO, Bob Wolf called the experiment “a bold and brazen attempt to fly in the face of all the naysayers who said, nay YELLED, ‘It can’t be done!’ Not only does Synergy Erotic make the finest sex toys known to man, we also make the fastest and quickest. Going out on a limb and proving our point in such a brutal, hazardous environment is what differentiates Synergy Erotic from the competition!”

As for Ms. Licksalot, well, she is reportedly in talks to star in a “tasteful” photoshoot with the surviving Velvet Obsession Bullet, which, although battered and bruised, remains completely functional.

Ken Russell’s Posthumous 3D Porno Masterpiece

Alice in Wonderland 3DThe international cinema community was saddened to learn late last month of the sudden death of controversial British filmmaker Ken Russell. Director of such bold cine-sexual experiments as Whore, The Devils, Salome’s Last Dance, and Women in Love, Russell was notoriously obsessed with sexuality and the Roman Catholic church. Passing away at the age of 84, Russell left a number of projects unfinished, one of which was a remake of producer Bill Osco’s 1976 X-rated musical comedy of Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland… in 3D! The remake was in the final scripting stages and was a collaborative effort by Osco and Russell, but will now go into production as a tribute to the last filmmaker. The original film cost just $500,000 to produce, but ended up raking in more than $100 million in box office sales. With no word on the proposed budget for the 3D remake, we can only assume it would cost substantially more. Russell’s cinematic flamboyance and Osco’s clout as the producer of one of the premiere hits of porn’s Golden Age, make for a uniquely intriguing project and one that will surely be as controversial, exuberant, and salacious as Russell’s memory demands.

Party Like a Pornstar!

LA Direct and AEBN XXX-Mas PartyMr. Pink’s already told you about one of the years most inviting parties that took place on Labor Day. Thrown by LA Direct Models talent agency and Adult Entertainment Broadcast Network (AEBN), the Labor Day Extravaganza was hosted by Kristina Rose and Alexis Texas and was one of the hottest tickets in Hollywood. Now, as we approach Christmas, the same folks are putting on another big fuckin’ bash. It’s all about fuckin’ partying hard with LA Direct and AEBN, and when the event is due to be hosted by Misty Stone and Priya Anjali Rai, two of the hottest “ethnic” women in porn – apparently anyone who isn’t white is “ethnic” – you can be sure there’ll be a throng of attentive attendees in attendance, dancing their pants (and hopefully panties) off.

If you fancy yourself the Leisure Suit Larry of the LA porno scene, why not RSVP and reserve a spot on the dancefloor next to Misty Stone’s tight-as-hell bootay! Reservations can be made by calling 310-749-9029, but you better hurry, it’s on this coming Saturday, December 17th from 10pm to 2am or whenever you get kicked out for obscene conduct.