Beatin’ on a Budget!: with Brazzers

Brazzers

As all of us at Mr. Pink’s settle down and steady ourselves for what promises to be quite an enjoyable week reviewing more sites from two great adult networks, it comes time to share with you, dear reader, a choice nugget of information that could have you saving money and enjoying the web’s best porn as easily as you’d order a pizza. Now celebrating its 10th anniversary and a bunch of brand-new features to aid your browsing of its 32 exclusive websites, Brazzers, the most colorfully creative hardcore porn network known to man. Although lingering behind Naughty America’s now-4K HD videos, Brazzers still produces some fine lookin’ smut at 720p and 1080p resolutions both. And with legendary sites like Teens Like it Big, Mommy Got Boobs, Big Wet Butts, Dirty Masseur, Doctor Adventures, and ZZ Series (which recently showcased Brazzers’ feature productions The Whore of Wall St. and One Night in the Valley) pumping out some truly fierce porn starring every mainstream (and newcomer) pornstar with any sense, Brazzers is arguably the biggest name and strongest brand in online porn. And now you can enjoy it all month long for a measly $19.95.

Eva Karera Brazzers

THE MATH:
Brazzers provides its members with 32 exclusive websites loaded with 5,785 scenes starring some 1,450 women, Breaking these figures down to a per-item cost sees how worthwhile this current $19.95 Brazzers deal really is. While $19.95 only saves you $5-a-month on paper, in porn it seems like a fantastic bargain, netting you a single one of ZZ’s irreverent and adventurous HD hardcore episodes for .0034¢! You could also view your cost as paying 62¢ for each Brazzers site, a bargain by anyone’s definition and one well worth heading on over to Brazzers to celebrate. After all, it is their birthday, but it looks like you’re getting the gifts.

Not Picture Perfect – Missy Pink’s Sex Advice

Missy Pinks at MrPinks.comMissy Pink;

I’m a bit frustrated at the moment, but the first thing I want to say is that no way am I a prude, I enjoy having a good time as much as the next woman, and, I don’t mind things a bit on the kinky side, but, my boyfriend really has me puzzled. Our sex life is good, and it’s often, but, for the past few weeks, he immediately reaches for his cell phone when we’re done, to take pictures of us right after cumming. I think it’s disgusting, he doesn’t understand my way of thinking and now we’re not having sex at all!

– Not Picture Perfect

Dear Friend,

Well, I can honestly say, this is the first time I’ve ever been asked about sexual afterglow pictures. Thanks to cell phones, “selfies” is one of the go-to words, and, we are certainly familiar with the décor of everyone’s bathroom these days, since the majority of shots are taken, standing in front of the mirror.

Has your boyfriend explained exactly why he wants the image captured the moment after orgasm is reached? Is it something he finds satisfying by the look on your faces, knowing you’ve just completed a love making session that has both of you happy? Is he the only one seeing these pictures, or are they shared with friends over a breakfast burrito before they start work each morning? I guess there are quite a few questions I would need answers to – to really address your issue. I’m sure they’re the same you’ve already asked of him.

If his photogenic mood only kicks in, right after the sperm kicks out, I would have to wonder about his motives, but, maybe that’s just the woman in me, my estrogen says there’s something a bit odd. Try to narrow him down for answers, give him the benefit of the doubt and go into it with the assumption that he’s mesmerized by your afterglow beauty and wants to open his phone gallery to relive those moments again. If you don’t get the replies to satisfy, then, I’d say sex with you is on hold, if he enjoys selfies so much, apply it to not just pictures, but masturbation as well. If he’s going to take shots of personal porn, then he’ll need to keep one hand free for filming!

 

Amazon Nixes Pornstar Tributes

Now, I may be a light sex addict (or at least excessively aroused) but the thing that has me yearning for a career in porn isn’t the amount of sex I’d be having, nor the money I’d be making, nor all the weed I’d pilfer from my close personal friend Madison Ivy. By far the most appealing aspect of being an adult performer, the tendency for fans to indulge your material desires as declared by your Amazon Wish List, is what has me convinced I could be quite happy in porn. After all, there’s only so many trivial things I’m inclined to buy with my wages and it seems I’m not alone there. Adult performers both fledgling and superstar are seeing their Wish Lists come under scrutiny from Amazon’s higher-ups, echoing JPMorgan Chase’s recent closing of accounts belonging to adult performers. But, really, Amazon? The same site from which you can buy tinned unicorn meat, an infant circumcision training doll (with replaceable foreskins), Lil’ Ho Peep and Her (inflatable) Sheep, and a 55 gallon drum of Passion Natural Water-Based Lubricant is preventing fans from buying their favorite adult performer gifts?

Tanya Tate

As reported by The Daily Dot, Amazon notified popular adult performer and cosplayer Tanya Tate of the reasons behind the closure only when she called to complain about her Wish List’s deletion. “They told me it was being used for ‘bartering purposes,’ because I’d written in the description, like, ‘Send me gifts and I’ll send you a thank you or pictures of me wearing this dress or lingerie.’” Pretty standard practice for adult models and webcammers, right? Well, not in the eyes of Amazon, who also saw fit to delete Tate’s Wish List when she re-added it to her profile sans-offending text, taking the rest of her account, gift card balances and all, offline in the process. Another phone call and an email to Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos didn’t move the online retail giant’s position from a decidedly sex-negative one. “In my opinion, they were just refusing to allow to me have a wish list because I’m an adult star,” Tate told the Daily Dot. “There’s no reason for it other than discrimination…”

Tanya Tate wasn’t the only adult performer to have her Wish List dumped by Amazon. Cam model Emma Ink also saw hers disappear, but for slightly different reasons: the items on her list were deemed “inappropriate” by Amazon, the same store returning 400 pages of results for a basic “Dildo” search query. “These adult items are for sale on Amazon and one does not need to be logged in or provide any information to be able to view them,” said Ink. ““If Amazon finds sexuality or pornography objectionable, perhaps they should stop selling sex toys and pornographic DVDs.”

Obviously there’s more to this story than simply a company defending its terms of service, but just how aggressively are adult performers being targeted? Tune in next week as I dig deeper into this little drama that has pornstars, cam models, and fans in a minor tizzy.

Kenyan Fisherman’s Wives Predict Downfall of Big Dicks

Riley Reid Teens Love Huge Cocks

All those alpha males running around with visible bulges in their trousers, making women of all (adult) ages quiver with a mixture of excitement, intimidation, and overwhelming hunger and fucking up your chances to becoming Mayor of Pussytown are about to get their comeuppance. See, according to a study published earlier this month by PLOSOne entitled “Predictors of Extra-Marital Partnerships among Women Married to Fishermen along Lake Victoria in Kisumu County, Kenya,” the prevalence of infidelity among women (within a six month period) was 6.2%, and 95% of reporting women said they were prompted to engage in extra-marital frivolity because of (wait for it) their husband’s overly large erection.

Along with domestic violence, suspicion of a spouse’s own infidelity, and being denied their preferred sexual position, penis size was among the most commonly reported stated reasons or inductions to martial infidelity amongst these Kenyan communities. And, while you might be thinking, “Who cares? I’m not Kenyan, not a fisherman, and don’t have a giant god-like woody!” you’d be wrong to dismiss this study as inconsequential to your own life. After all, if you’ve ever been spurned by a woman’s cold shoulder simply because your own relatively inadequate manhood couldn’t stand up against another guy’s, your long-gestating revenge is at hand.

“Every one inch longer penis increased the likelihood of women being involved in extra-marital partnership by almost one-and-half times. Women associated large penises with pain and discomfort during sex which precludes the enjoyment and sexual satisfaction that women are supposed to feel,” research revealed, encouraging dismayed micropenises worldwide. One woman participating in the study revealed even more details. telling researchers “Some penis may be large yet my vagina is small, when he tries to insert it inside, it hurts so much that I will have to look for another man who has a smaller one and can do it in a way I can enjoy.”

Science, as everyone knows, is all “theories” and “research” and doesn’t amount to shit. But if it did, anyone with a chip on their shoulder concerning the size of their (and everyone else’s) penis and what it will or will not inspire in a prospective lifelong mate, any guys wishing the most physically blessed of us would stop stealing our thunder and, for once, be on the receiving end of something more severe that diminished blood flow and the occasional erectile problem, this here is the vindication he has sought! They may impress in the locker room and over a bar table of Appletinis, but a giant penis is more likely to leave its lover wanting something more manageable before too long. Whether or not you’ll be there to satisfy at a moments notice, however, is entirely up to you.

Burning Angel’s Pale Girls

Burning Angel

Sitting in the back of the bus on a school trip during the most sexually interested (and therefore frustrated) years of high school, a female classmate asked me what I found attractive in or on a woman. Not wanting to offend present company, I hesitated. Pressing me for an answer (and lest I be declared unwaveringly homosexual), I started rattling off a list of things about the opposite sex that appealed to me. “Wit, intelligence, brown eyes, pale skin…” I was immediately interrupted and declared a roaring racist simply because I expressed a fondness for women with a ghostly pallor. Had my classmate let me finish, she would’ve learned that, not only was I not a white supremacist, I was basically down to fuck as many wildly different women as possible, her (a freckled Episcopalian redhead) included. Leave it to counter-cultural porno icon Joanna Angel to avenge what I saw as the grossest misidentification of a supposed racist than Elvis Costello’s drunken barroom insult of Ray Charles.

Vera DrakeBurning Angel’s latest full-length hardcore endeavor, entitled Pale Girls, stars five melanin-deficient alt.pornstars and five of the most solid male performers in the business in scenes of wild, aggressive release. While the men (Mick Blue, Mr. Pete, Tomrry Pistol, Erik Everhard, Mark Wood) remain largely tattoo- and piercing-free, the ladies – Severin Graves, Madison Moon, Mabel, Draven Starr, and newcomer Vera Drake – not only bare their smooth, milky-white skin but prove it to be the perfect canvas for the dark, even disturbing tattoos for which the Burning Angel girls have become known.

The Joanna Angel-directed Pale Girls has yet to be given a street date, but all performers are featured on the Burning Angel website in scenes that may or may not make the final DVD cut (which also includes a BTS video, photo galleries, and trailers).

Burning Angel: fightin’ for (really white) whiteys since ’02.