Seth MacFarlane: Too Busy for Porn

Seth MacFarlane, cartoonist, voice actor, movie director, and Michael BublĂ©-wannabe, is entering a new phase of his career with a just-announced hosting gig at the 85th annual Academy Awards this coming February. So in-demand is the Family Guy and Ted creator that he’s had to turn down other hosting gigs because he’s too busy. No, not another Comedy Central roast (he’s already done two), but the most prestigious awards ceremony in the nation, the AVNs.

Having offered MacFarlane a gig manning the mic at the upcoming 2013 ceremony, AVN was no doubt disappointed to find the crown prince of televised vulgarity was just too damn busy to present the not-entirely-unphallic glass trophies to porn’s best and bangingest come January next year. As the host of what will be the 30th anniversary of the AVN Awards, MacFarlane could’ve had his choice of porno pussy, but since he just signed a $100 million deal with Fox, I doubt he’s all that hard up for sexual favors.

Remembering Kandi Barbour

Kandi BarbourSome sad news crossed the Mr. Pink’s desk this week, concerning the apparent loss of another porn heroine of the Golden Age, Kandi Barbour. Star of such XXX films as The Pink Ladies (1980), Bon Appetit (’80), California Gigolo (’79), and Screwples (’79), Barbour (real name Linda Jean Smith) amassed a small but impressive filmography over her nine years as an adult performer, leading her to be inducted into the XRCO Hall of Fame in 2009. To the surprise of many people in porn, the native Kansan was sadly found dead in San Francisco on Thursday January 26th, another victim of the city’s immense homeless problem.

As Golden Age director Carter Stevens recalled to AVN, the last time he had any knowledge of Barbour’s whereabouts and health was 22 years ago when his wife saw her in Hawaii. “She was living above the club [Club Hubba Hubba] and working there… she had a drinking problem. She had gained a lot of weight and was living in a muumuu and never took it off. She did has some mental problems, even at that point.” Suffering from a dysmorphic body image, Barbour believed her nose to be crooked – it wasn’t – and often spoke of having it “fixed.” Very little information about her life between that time and the discovery of her body on a San Francisco street. She was 55-years-old.

Sadly, like so many performers who came both before and after Barbour, she may largely be remembered by her rather modest entry at Wikipedia: “Kandi Barbour was a former American adult models, pornstar and exotic dancer.”

Spiegler’s Harem

While it could definitely be argued that James Deen, Evan Stone, and even Ron Jeremy are rightfully holders of the title Luckiest Man in Porn, once again someone from behind the scenes beats all the on-screen talent to the finish line. So, who is this mystery man with such fantastically good fortune and how did he get to where he is today?

Mark Spiegler

Folks, meet Mark Spiegler (above with Lily LaBeau and Sarah Shevon), the most powerful and influential agent in the American porn industry. There’s precious little information readily available to give us insight into where Spiegler came from and exactly how he managed to build himself a porno empire that doesn’t directly involve production or performance. We, the endlessly envious porn audience, are left to do nothing but marvel at Spiegler’s incomparable roster of incredible performers, most of whom have made their names through his efforts behind the scenes.

Seriously, folks, just take a gander at this photo snapped at the recent AVN Awards in Las Vegas…

Spiegler's girls

Every single one of these women is a client of Spiegler’s and each one netted at least one AVN nomination this past year. Bobbi Starr, of course, won Female Performer of the Year and no doubt had Spiegler beaming like a proud day on his daughter’s wedding day. In fact, considering the well known habit Spiegler’s girls have of crashing at his apartment, which in reality looks more like an all-female dormitory, he’s bound to think of his greatest success stories almost as daughters. When you take a look, even a quick glance, at the other women on his roster – Brooklyn Lee, Jessie Andrews, Chanel Preston, London Keyes, Kristina Rose, Katsuni, and Belladonna – and imagine even a few of these amazing women sleeping on Spiegler’s floor, you absolutely cannot refute his position as top dog of the US porn industry. Screw the stunt-dicks, it’s all about the agents!

Inside the Winner’s Circle

2012 AVN AwardsEvery year, the AVN Awards bestow upon porn’s best and brightest the greatest accolades the industry has ever known, and this year was no different. Pornstars both veteran and fledgling, female and male, were handed phallic trophies declaring them the best blahblahblah of 2011 and therefore guaranteeing them a place in the upper echelon of adult performers; at least, that is, until next year. In order to properly assess the current state of the industry and ruminate on what 2012 might have in store for porn viewers across the globe, why don’t we run down the list of the more prominent achievements heralded by the 2011 AVN Awards and see what’s what.

Female Performer of the Year, Bobbi Starr, certainly deserved her accolade, having in the last 12 months cemented herself not only as a astonishing performer capable of the most raucous and debasing kink and rough sex scenes as well as an incredibly tender onscreen lover when it is required, but by managing to do all of this while establishing herself as a maverick director of feminist pro-sex porn for men and women of all persuasions.

Manuel Ferrara took home the Male Performer of the Year award and few could argue that the Frenchman hadn’t earned his phallic trophy. It seems like Manny has been plowing the asses of porn’s best and brightest for eons but the last year has really been a fantastic one for the uncircumcised multiple-shot-popper, having broken in the rear passages of London Keyes, Holly Michaels, Gracie Glam, and Kagney Linn Karter, and extending his extremely intimate Raw DVD series, while maintaining his handsome yet down-to-earth persona.

New Starlet of the Year was a hotly contested category and while I could definitely sit here are argue that Skin Diamond, Holly Michaels, Abella Anderson, Jessie Andrews, and Rebeca Linares’ new tits are all worthy of the accolade (even if the latter did only enter the industry to get their host into big boob movies and out of anal ones), you’ve gotta hand it to Brooklyn Lee. The native Ohioan took on the toughest performers, both male and female, in the industry and proved herself a worthy match. While I can’t help but feel this award might’ve been more appropriately awarded to Ms. Lee last year when she first made a splash, she’s nonetheless a stunning performer with a bright future.

My frontrunner for Female Performer of the Year, Asa Akira, didn’t win that category, but instead took home a wheelbarrow full of awards for the Best Tease Performance, Solo Sex Scene, Anal Sex Scene, Double-Penetration Scene, Threeway Sex Scene (boy/boy/girl), Group Sex Scene, and, for Asa Akira is Insatiable 2, Best All-Sex Release. Quite a year for the diminutive Japanese-American with, well, an insatiable appetite for powerful sex.

Having not yet seen Diary of a Call Girl, I can’t personally vouch for Actress of the Year award winner Jessie Andrews’ performance in the title role, but her numerous other onscreen roles have made quite an impression, both on this reviewer and the porn industry at large. Julia Ann, the wondermilf herself, called Jessie one of the brightest new talents in the business after performing with her in Club 59’s Teach Me. This girl has very, very big things ahead of her.

Industry awards are great, sure, but they don’t mean anything compared to a legion of devoted, sexually satisfied fans. When it came to the fan-voted awards, Riley Steele took ’em all! Best Body, Favorite Porn Star, Twitter Queen, and Hottest Sex Scene (shared with Jesse Jane, Kayden Kross, Stoya, BiBi Jones and Manuel Ferrara for Digital Playground’s Babysitters 2). Talk about an active fanbase!

One of Mr. Pink’s favorite sites, Brazzers, took home Best Membership Website, beating out Naughty America, Bang Bros, and Reality Kings to nab the trophy once again. Oh, and there were plenty of statues handed to producers, directors (most notably Axel Braun), writers, and cinematographers of parody films both drama and comedy, so if you needed one safe bet for the rest of 2012, it’s that parody porn still doesn’t seem to have worn out its welcome. And, no, I don’t quite know how to feel about that.

Congratulations to all of this years winners and our warmest condolences to the rest of the nominees, and here’s to another great year of good ol’ American porn!

This Year AVN’s Adult Expo Comes to You

Right now in Las Vegas the 2012 AVN Adult Entertainment Expo is rocking the Hard Rock Cafe to its very foundations. With the most thrilling performers, the most powerful studios, exciting exhibitors, and a throng of sweaty-palmed camera-toting dudes packed onto the exhibition floor, there’s plenty to talk about. Seeing as I’m stuck inside my little cave pounding the keys to bring you, my beloved readers, the raw facts about the best (and worst) porn sites on the ‘net, it seems we’ll have to turn to Twitter for all the AVN / AEE gossip.

As usual, Joanna Angel arrived in style, although perhaps a little too much…

There are three times as many shoes in my bag as there are days in this trip . #avnawardsTue Jan 17 16:19:21 via Seesmic

Hello valet . I need 6 luggage carts . Thank you . #avnTue Jan 17 22:35:00 via Seesmic

Stormy Daniels pimped her latest product endorsement… my booth for my lube dispenser!! Follow @myintimaWed Jan 18 21:16:32 via TweetDeck

… before introducing everyone to some of porn’s best new talent!

@StormyDaniels hosting the best new starlet Q & A on the @aeexpo stage right now #AVN Jan 20 22:02:43 via Twitter for Android

Jessica Drake, host of the Virtual AVN Show, reminded us that geographical divide is just an excuse for not attending, not a reason.

If you can’t make it to the show, join me as I host @AVNVirtualShow here: Jan 20 06:28:47 via Echofon

And, as for AVN Virtual, those that weren’t already aware will no doubt be thrilled to know that for $19.95, you can buy a ticket that gives you access to a 36-hour real time VirtualCast from the floors of Vegas’s Hard Rock Hotel and Casino (complete with commentary from Evan Stone); live main stage footage of “erotic state shows, musical performances, pornstar Q&As” hosted by Jim McBride (Mr. Skin) and Jessica Drake; exclusive online-only footage from Penthouse Studio; “roving camera” footage of the hottest after-parties; an international chat forum where you can discuss events live with fans and pornstars alike; Easy-Link VirtualCast Access to the websites of top stars; and, to top it all off, you’ll be entered into the draw to win an all-expense paid trip to the 2013 AVN Adult Entertainment Expo. (Just pray they don’t put you up at the Knight’s Inn.)

Don’t forget to keep on eye trained on Twitter for all the latest happenings from Vegas. As always, PornstarTweet is your best bet for the hottest goss and sauciest pics.