Porn | Mr. Pink's Blog - Part 164

Ass or Artwork? You Be the Judge!

MrPinks Breast implants are so prevalent in the adult entertainment industry that it’s far more surprising to find a successful, popular pornstar whose breasts haven’t been adjusted or augmented by a surgeon. Inflated lips are also quite common – Angelina Valentine, Andi Anderson, Amy Brooke, Ava Devine et al. But what of that other all-important body part, the on so many pornstars thrust toward camera at every opportunity? What, dear reader, about artificially enhanced rear ends?

After trawling the message boards of numerous popular adult sites, including Adult DVD Talk and FreeOnes, I came up with a list of women who’ve allegedly gone under the knife to pump up their asses and cement their positions as PAWG (Phat Ass White Girls). Or, more accurately, I came up with a pictorial assemblage of booties for you to inspect and determine, without knowing the owner, whether they’ve been hand-crafted by the finest cosmetic artisans in the surgery business or they’re all-natural gifts of genetic circumstance.

Any readers who Tweet me their verdict for Most Obviously Enhanced Ass in Porn as well as name of said ass’s owner will win a coveted Mr. Pink’s No-Pri… uh, Anti-Prize! (Yeah, take that, Marvel copyright enforcers!) So get to observin’, assessin’ and Tweetin’, buttmen!

Fuckin’ Like a Rock Star with Life Selector – Pt. 2

“Rock chicks like it rough, don’t they?” With that and my desire to entertain thousands at the biggest stadiums in the country in mind, I chose to pull the hair of my very first groupie mid-blowjob. The young lady doing the blowing, the one I previously identified as Simony Diamond, is in fact someone else entirely. (Life Selector isn’t as clear as it should be when identifying its models.) Whoever she is, her accent is trés sexy, her fashion sense is somewhere between Avril Lavigne and Jenna Haze in groupie mode, and she seemed to respond well to my virtual hair-pulling; so well that she’s decided something else is in order. Now, do I want a handjob (nah), to explode on her face (maybe) or fill her mouth with my seed (perhaps). For visual flair, I’ll choose a facial. And with that, dear reader, I blast my nameless first groupie from brow to chin, huffing and puffing as I make my deposit. She seems satisfied enough, but I’ve still got rock star dreams to fulfill. Which brings me to (the real) Simony Diamond.

Reclining on a sofa, tattoos on full display, iPhone (in KISS case) in her hand, texting, band manager Simony Diamond looks up to greet me.
“Hi, I’ve heard about you,” she says in a thick Hungarian accent and pointing to a purple Gibson Les Paul, she asks to be shown some of my skills. From the way she continues texting and occasionally rolling her eyes, I can tell she’s not an fan of poorly composed, inauthentic sounding midi-guitar. Another choice appears: Do I show her my “finger technique” or impress her with “my other great skill” (a.k.a.: my dick!)?

This being the virtual fulfillment of my destiny, I pull my dick out and expect her to leap on it. After all, it’s a pretty hefty thing and she doesn’t seem that enthralled in her heavy metal magazine. With my cock out and erect, I sit there on the sofa before the incredible Simony Diamond. She bolts upright! “Hey, go out, motherfucker!” she yells, pointing towards the door. “Shit! Go out!”

I blew it, folks, but thanks to Life Selector’s resumable, amendable storylines, I can simply jump back to the beginning, follow the same path as before and simply pick an alternate option at the moment of crisis.

Join me next week as I endeavor to not only nail that contract but Ms. Diamond, too.

Kimberly Kane is Wonder Woman

The early 21st century wave of pornographic parody movies, the one we’re currently wading in the oh-so-pleasant waters of, has already seen two attempts to immortalize DC Comics’ iconic warrior princess, Princess Diana of Themyscria. The first, Wonder Woman XXX: A Hardcore Parody arrived in 2010 from Mile High saw Tori Black don the red, white, blue, and gold armor of trendy mod boutique proprietor Diana Prince’s alter-ego, while it was Chanel Preston who wielded the Lasso of Truth in director Rob Black’s Wonder Woman Interactive: A XXX Adventure Game Parody. Of these two valiant parody efforts, fanboys still seemed to feel that Diana’s time hadn’t yet come, parody-wise, but that’s all set to change with the meeting of this Princess and parody porn’s reigning king.

Axel Braun, the director responsible for porn’s biggest parodies movies and the winner of an astonishing ten AVNs including three Director of the Year awards in three years, knew he’d have a tough job finding exactly the right person for his Wonder Woman but after auditioning more than a dozen actresses and seeing many excellent interpretations, Kimberly Kane stood head and shoulders above the rest.

Kane, who stands 5’9″ tall, 134 lbs, 36B-26-35, seems an appropriate physical fit for the Amazonian warrior princess. who’ll be a more adult rendering in Braun’s film. “What [Kane] brings to the character is the image of a strong, independent woman,” Braun said. “The movie deals with the Wonder Woman story in a much darker, more adult way. She’s not going to be the goody-two-shoes that she was in the ’70s. She’s a woman, she kicks ass. And Kim can definitely kick serious ass.”

With three weeks of intensive physical training bringing her to tip-top, fighting-fit shape, Kane, who previously worked with the director on Star Wars XXX, This Ain’t the Expendables XXX, and Batman XXX porn parodies, seems more than ready for the role, telling AVN “It feels good to be trusted with another of his mega roles.”

To see just how well she’ll do as the famed Wonder Woman, we’ll have to wait a while. Until then, though, Kane promises to keep enthusiasm high, even amidst the potential embarrassment of her promised onslaught of TwitPics showing her previous, more youthful, no doubt adorably awkward attempts at slipping into those white-starred underpants, telling “I was Wonder Woman for Halloween for like 10 years… so I can’t wait to share those pics on Twitter!”

Axel Braun’s as-yet untitled Wonder Woman parody went into production this week.

Larry Flynt Sells HQ

The original master Hustler himself, Mr. Larry Flynt, has sold the legendary Wilshire Blvd. tower that has served as Larry Flynt Publications’ headquarters since its purchase in 1984 for $18.8 million. The new owner, Santa Monica-based Douglas Emmett Inc. paid $82 million, which Flynt says he’ll be putting towards “buying another casino”. The stately building, designed in 1972 by William Pereira, also currently houses the Brazilian consulate and numerous law offices and even features a sculpture of John Wayne on the grounds. So why would Flynt want to sell? Expansion, of course.

Built in 1972 to house Great Western Savings, for whom John Wayne was spokesman, the LFP building (as it has long been known) became Hustler’s headquarters and Flynt’s office, creative counsel, living space, hospice, and war room during his infamous battles with the Jerry Falwell in the United States Supreme Court, an assassination attempt, the death of his wife Althea, recovery from drug addiction, and resurgence in the adult entertainment world. So this can’t have been a decision made lightly. Although the new owner will take possession of the property by the end of summer, Larry Flynt Publications will be staying put as a leasing tenant, at least for the time being.