Porn | Mr. Pink's Blog - Part 193

Freddy Goes Fingering

Director Lee Roy Myers is back at it again with another nightmarish follow up to The Human Sexipede, his XXX parody of cult horror hit, The Human Centipede. As reported by horror movie site Dread Central, Myers next project parodies one of horror’s most revered icons, Freddy Krueger. A Wet Dream on Elm Street, due for release on September 29 (just in time for Halloween), is a concept Myers is sure will go down marvelously with the parody-loving porn-viewing public, saying “It’ll be funny, sexy, dark and very, very different. This is the porn parody that I always wanted to do…Freddy, with dildos on his fingers!”

A Wet Dream on Elm Street pits a dildo-fingered “Freddy Fingers” (Anthony Rosano) against Jennifer White, Gracie Glam, Charley Chase, Giselle Leon, and Sophie Dee in what promises to be a nation-wide frat-house hit. Teaser images have already started causing a stir on the adult blogosphere with some keyboard-pounders even going so far as to declare 2011 the beginning of a “golden age of porn parodies.”

What then, Tumblr, Twitter, AVN et. al., do you make of this…

Teaching the Feminine Touch

Most “lesbian” porn movies tend to err on the side of appealing to the mostly male audience’s basest instincts and render their depictions of sapphic love in broad, rough strokes. Kissing is essentially a mutual tongue lashing that is quickly discarded in favor of acts more aggressive than sensual; dildos are ferociously plunged into every available orifice, breasts are pinched, squeezed, and slapped, and the performers throw their heads back, whipping their hair around in apparent ecstasy, while a large portion of porn fans still long for girl-on-girl sex scenes that are explicit but sensual, hardcore but still intimate.

Elegant Angel, a studio well known for its high production values and impressive roster of adult superstars, recently launched their new lesbian brand, Club 59 and aim to produce up to a dozen new DVD releases each year while also developing a members-only website, both of them offering the finest authentic all-female sex. Of particular interest is the recently released title Teach Me, a production that brings together an older, more experienced woman with a relative newcomer. Starring such promising pairings as Julia Ann & Jessie Andrews, Darla Crane & Allie Haze, Zoey Holloway & Dani Daniels, and Lisa Ann & Jana Jordan, Teach Me sees offers something far more authentically seductive and sensual while still retaining the fervent lust upon which these performers have built their reputations.

The Teach Me trailer can be seen here.

Adult Workers of the USA, Celebrate!

The first proposal for the celebration of Labor Day asked for “A street parade to exhibit to the public ‘the strength and esprit de corps of the trade and labor organizations,” and since it’s unlikely the general public will spend this coming Monday praising the work of those who suck and fuck on camera, don’t you think you, as an avid enjoyer of the pornographic arts, should do a little something to commend their tireless effort to fulfill your deepest sexual fantasies? LA Direct Models certainly thinks so.

Hosting a Labor Day Extravaganza at the Hollywood Playhouse on Sunday September 4th, porn’s premiere talent agency intends to honor porn’s hardest working women and men the best way the adult industry knows how – by partying their cotton socks off! Jerry Anders of co-sponsor Adult Entertainment Broadcast Network, told AVN that the bash, which is hosted by big-bootied adult superstars Alexis Texas and Kristina Rose, is a chance “to celebrate all the hard-working people in the industry who keep it moving along all year, which is what the holiday is about.”

Couldn’t have said it better myself. Hats off to you, porn professionals, now party hard, take Monday off, then get your impeccable asses back to work! (Just be sure not to wear white lingerie.)

Jessica Drake Sucks (in the best way possible)

Following in the footsteps of other adult instructional video releases like Penny Flame’s Expert Guide to Rough Sex and Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Advanced Anal Sex, Wicked Pictures contract star and noted sex educator, Jessica Drake will soon unleash a guide to giving head. The first in a three-part line of instructional DVDs entitled Jessica Drake’s Guide To Wicked Sex, Fellatio features noted cocksuckers Bobbi Starr, Jordan Kingsley and Allie Haze dropping to their knees in front of Danny Mountain, Eric Masterson, and Chris Johnson while Ms. Drake – or should that be Dr. Drake? – imparts the wisdom years of licking glans, stroking balls, and swallowing cum has given her.

Bobbi Starr, known for her intense deep throating abilities tells Drake and the female viewers at which this release is targeted that eating an orange before going downtown aids deep tonsil tickling penetration by increasing saliva production while relative newbie Allie Haze sucks off Mr. Masterson while partially immersed in a bubble bath. Unfortunately, Drake, an expert cocksucker, only appears in an instructional role, leaving fans to seek out some of her award-winning blowjobs on their own.

While I’m sure Jessica and her pole-smoking team of porno superstars will do a great job licking, slurping, sucking, and gagging, hasn’t this been seen quite a few times before? Really, if there needs to be another instructional fellatio DVD, shouldn’t it be presented by the one woman for whom blowjobs appear to be her very raison d’être, the incomparable Charley Chase?